Mistakes After Mistakes


Lose observation skills
Misinterpret English instruction
Doing more than the required
Misunderstood her with previous client

Clouds of confusion
Clears with straightforward explanation
Only to realize
Being valued and trusted

Grief of being misunderstood
For high pay when I don’t ask for high pay
Doing nothing when I stoned
Due to arguing with my husband

That shows
My mental condition need to strengthen
Feed more in God’s Words
To strengthen my mental agility

Humble myself
Go for autism diagnosis
Open my mouth to seek help
Understand myself to manage myself


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 2 December 2015

I wish to tell my business mentor that my mum prays for someone to guide me in Singapore. I’m surprised the Lord hears her inner heart. Lord, please grant me the wisdom how to say it. Suddenly, I communicate with my mum via WhatsApp. I remind her about her words to have someone to guide me. I don’t even realize it much earlier. I tell her that the person is my business mentor and she appears before she prays about it. She is so silent about it.

“Why don’t you tell me?” She asks me. Then she continued, “You should tell me to save time.”

“When I tell my previous client his drawing is awful, he forces me to follow his.” I remember the past abuse.

She justifies herself, “I’m not him. You are taking it the wrong side of extreme.” That jolts me. Oh no! What happen to me? Why is the past haunting me? I’m awaiting the encounter session on Saturday and Sunday. I can’t stand such wrong perception.

Her two hands cover her face on the table. That posture reminds me of my business mentor’s posture at a school. Why? Why am I like this?

She explains the reason she passes her office key to me is her trust to me and let me do my work there. She clarifies that she values my expertise. She understands that I can’t put my things at the mobile office space. Therefore, she lets me use her space. When she needs creative work, she can find me and pay me for the work I have done. She values me as a business woman. I feel so valued. Furthermore, I feel so appreciative of her honesty as a friend, a client and an employer. Normally, she can get $12 per hour freelancers who are lacking experience. She pays me $15 per hour to value my expertise and professionalism. So she feels that we can’t work together anymore and she chooses to hire other freelancers. When I share this to mum and compare her with IC, I can sense her to be a good boss. She compliments me and appreciate my effort. When I do right, she compliments me. When I make a mistake, she gently explains herself repetitively. Her patient tone, “please, please, please” helps me to observe my wrong understanding of her words in WhatsApp. It is such simple words. How can I understand it wrongly? This is frightening. She can’t accept my apologies anymore. This is not so right. O Lord, please enable me to do what is right.

Though I feel slightly sad, I send her WhatsApp message on my way home, “I’m sorry to get confused. I value you also as a businesswoman. I look up to you in the way you manage the part-timers. I will just count the photo cleaning job. As a part-timer, I also need guidance.” I can understand she doesn’t want to shortchange me. There is no reply from her. Through this, I feel very frustrated with the devil. A strange black bald head with large eyeballs look at me hideously. Inside, I get so angry and kick that creature away.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

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