Push My Button

Meaning well without understanding
Claiming to understand me
Presumptions take over

Push my button
Mouth opens
Learn to be assertive

Confronting her assumptions with facts
The cause of wives abuses
Stopping her wrong thinkings

Grateful for husband to check on
Maid employment agencies
Letting him to own the responsibility

He speaks out
We are getting back together
Only certain part I will do

Our son seeks for cooling bed
He voices out
Remove the mattress protection

Push my button
I resolve and explain the difficulty and
Time consuming to dry the mattress

His excuse
Our son seldom urines
I speak out on the helper’s productivity

My response is based on facts
Increase our helper’s productivity
Stopping the talker passing responsibilities
To me and the helper
Being the doer suffer the consequences of
Walking the talkers’ assumptions without basis
Cleaning the mess of mistakes

Inspiration On: Monday, 4 January 2016

By faith, I proclaim the prayer for my husband. Then I realize God has done it before I receive the proclamation prayer from SS. I almost can’t believe it. It has happened and I thank God for it. Then I share His blessings to SS. She praises God and encourages me to continue. When we arrive Thomson Medical Centre, mum requests the doctor to do urine tests for the stated health report. I need to learn in this. I thank the Lord and appreciate her to show it. During waiting for gynae, we go for lunch at nearby cafeteria. We wait for 3 hours and see doctor Tan Wee Khin. Wow! She looks much better in her hairstyle. The nurse does papsmear. Doctor Tan checks my breasts and womb. My womb is very good. She asks my age and encourages me to have another one if I want to. Mum shows my health report to her about the urine issue. She comforts mum that drinking more water can solve the issue.

When we are waiting for the bus, mum tells me something I can’t remember. It pushes my frustrated button.

Inside I feel that I have never been so humiliated in my life. I do my best to love my parents and listen to their requests to get married first. Being fooled, humiliated and labeled by my husband and my mother in law. They also humiliate my parents. I can’t stand it and God sees and hears my prayers. I see His love and providence in projects work. I grabbed it desperately. Then my parents and siblings also label me badly. I do my best in ministry and work until I burnt out. See demons using my family members to shoot at me. The first one to get saved. Do they know it? All blame arrow points to me. Passing through my breastplate of righteousness. Causing mental breakdown. I also see God and satan at work through my friends. Thus it cause me a lot of confusion and lose trust in humans. However, I still can’t stop caring. Now, I am trying to discern and be prudent. My rright side head is more painful. Does she knows it?

I confront her of forcing me to use my right hand. Her perspective is to let me look like common people. Using left hand looks awful and have bad handwriting. I rebuff her with the facts I see that left handed people also have neat handwriting, good values and lead successful lives. Yes. I thank her perspective and effort. However, my left hand is writing and my right hand is writing too. It causes me the confusion. She ever mentioned to do business. When I want to do it, she and dad with my siblings go against it. They choose not to help and just want to see the results. Attempting to improve my communication skills and feel stuck, my business mentor had a hard time understanding me. I feel bad. Instead of soothing, they push me to the limit. They can only dissuade me. Until I voice out that I am more independent and much happier before I date and married. The reason many married women are abused due to their parents marry them away instead of letting them gaining financial independence. She asks where do I hear it from. Other people’s podcast.

After do my personality test, my empathy, loyalty and abstraction are high. Thus this cause my downfall to be taken advantage. At the same time, those are also my good points to care others as Jesus cares.

Then I confront her on my son’s discipline issue. When I discipline my son, I need her to collaborate instead of undermining my authority. Thus giving him the lack of respect for my authority as a mother. Is it so hard for her to tell it behind closed doors? The way she does is likened to the empress dowager’s control. She feels better to return to her hometown since I don’t like the way she does. I want her to respect my authority and stop her wrong ways. I am still committed to care her in her old age. Is it hard to receive correction? I explain to her the reason senior citizens can’t find job. It is due to them lack of respect towards younger bosses due to their pride. Finally, I still hold her hands.

Then she warns me “You should be have been careful with that Malay guy and insist on answers to basic questions!!!!”

I have resolved in my heart not to do work with him. He dared to made her look bad in the WhatsApp group and told me not to have baby sitter. She had stated clearly she and I are business partners. That shows his lack of respect and patience. Too bad I forget to tell her so I reply her, “Sure. Thanks a lot. I’m being wary now.”

“Please…. I don’t wish to waste my time talking to you!!”

“Anyway I’m still interested to apply for the creative agency job that SS’s CG member introduce.” I learn to clarify myself because I’m working on the portfolio.

I feel so frustrated with my slowness and mental agility. Until I seek for my CG’s prayer requests, “May I ask everybody’s prayer for mental agility. Because my mind is so clogged up. I have been doing my best to understand certain things by re-reading it more than four times. Thank you.” SS responds, “I decree and declare that you shall grow in wisdom and stature and have favor with God and man. The Spirit of the Lord will rest on you, the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.” By faith, “Amen. Thank you SS.” She explains, “Surrender all your thoughts and confusion at the foot of the Cross.” I thank her and feel so inspired.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

4 thoughts on “Push My Button

  1. I see you have been going through a lot. I am also left handed, but my parents forced me to use my right hand. Now I can’t hold the chopsticks properly with either -_-“.

    Traditionally, Asian parents have so much pride. Sometimes, it makes things very difficult for us.

    Stay strong!

    • Glad to know I’m not alone. The way I look and move send confused and clumsy signal. -_-‘
      Yes they make things very difficult for us. Thus I get confused easily. The reason they do so is to let us look common. Now, I can write with both hands. Thus cause a lot of struggles. Stay strong to you too.

  2. Being able to write with your right or left hand is an excellent talent! I can use my right hand or left hand for some different things, but I’m a right-handed writer.

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