My Current Helper’s Feelings


Oh no! Oh no! Why do I say, “I can understand KJV better”? Lord, do I really say that? My business mentor and my cell leader heard it. How come I forget? Normally, I don’t forget on what I have said. So I clarify with her. She explains, “You insisted on using KJV which baffles us. It is very frustrating and difficult to mentor someone who is not humble enough to want to learn and insist her own ways. You said you enjoy reading it like poetry in psalm.”

I answer relating to my past, “Before I use NIV with my ex-mentor then KJV. Then I read other versions.”

“Bible is the breath of God who speaks to us and helps to know who He is. It is not about reading poetry.” She explains.

I reply, “Sorry. Yes. Bible is the breath of God.”

“I don’t even use KJV for it is not easy to grasp let alone you!!” She exclaims.

I explain myself, “Before I have been attending Christian arts group. Most of them are poets. Maybe I caught their bug.”

“How to mentor you if you ‘stubbornly’ insist your ways!!!” She raises her voice.

I am confused, “Huh?”

“Bible is not poetry. And you are not even a poet.” She insists her own perceptions. Lord, I give up on her ready. Now, I begin to see the clearer picture. When my mother questions my helper, she replies so softly. I heard her soft reply. However, my mum didn’t hear it and scolded her. Now I begin to understand my position. Maybe I shouldn’t be with finance people, Lord.

I explain myself, “Now I am reading it again. Don’t you ever mention that my English needs improvement? I hope that can help me to improve my English.”

“Don’t you ever speak to me that way!!! Improve what English when you don’t even want to a ask questions despite me advising you for months!!! Ask questions and find out before getting me insulted by that Malay hooligan and letting yourself being used by him. Yet you can still speak for him!!!” She raises her voice. That immediately makes me cry. No wonder my helper doesn’t want to continue her work. Lord, should I say the reason people misunderstand her? 

Suddenly, I want her to wake up to her senses by sharing my current life situation. I begin, “I apologize for doing such mistake. And learn to correct myself.” Then I continue, “Now I have an issue with my helper. She insisted to return to her hometown. When my mother questions my helper, she replies so softly. I heard her soft reply. However, my mum didn’t hear it and scolded her. Now I begin to understand her position well enough. No wonder I feel the reason you sound like my mum.” Lord, should I tell her that IC and BL misunderstand her? They are offended by her too?

Suddenly, she sounds so angry, “I have enough of your bullshit. What’s the use of apology when you kept arguing with me despite me cautioning and advising you time and time again!!! And acted against my guidance.” This really hurts me so much.

Instead of being hurtful, I learn to explain myself in a nice way, “Does it mean I can’t even explain myself? Am I always being accused by everyone’s opinions?” Lord, I have enough of this too. Even I feel tired. She is so hurtful and too opinionated. Now, I begin to see the clearer picture, Lord. Suddenly, I remember that she shares happily to find a life partner. I can only end it nicely to her about my prayer for her, ” I’m glad and happy for you that you can find your life partner. I’m glad for the Lord to answer my prayer.” This is the problems between the older generation with the younger generation. Lord, she is so hurting. I have enough with her too. 

I have been crying my heart out to the Lord. Thirsty and need the toilet. After I drink a cup of water, I enter into the bathroom. My eyes are red in bloodshot. Suddenly, there is A voice in my head speaking, “Don’t lose yourself over her.” I answer, “Yes, Lord.”

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7 thoughts on “My Current Helper’s Feelings

  1. This may not be much help but I would like to make my stance known on Bible versions. KJV is a word for word translation on the best texts available. All the rest are based on texts which are corrupt (Alexandrian), those texts may be older in terms of the paper used but old doesn’t mean good. Those texts have been found buried in trash heaps which is why they were still around. Also niv, nkjv, esv, etc use a thought for word translation. So they are taking what God said and telling God what He meant to say. Each if these false versions leave verses out, change things around, and many times over remove the deity of Jesus. A person who says they can’t understand the KJV needs to check their salvation because the Holy Spirit should be helping them understand it. If truly saved then they need to humble themselves and ask God to help them understand it. These modern versions are easier to read because it is just words and no depth of soil for the people to grow.
    On a side note a person who will treat you so poorly, irregardless of culture or age, is a person who you do not need in your life. We are called to encourage one another not berate someone for not knowing and making innocent mistakes.

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