Unbelievable Answered Limbo


Expecting communication skills guidance
Only to go through colour tests
Choosing the words that describe myself best
Listening to the instructions
Choosing the words in the cards describe me
Exchanging the cards not representing self with others
Return to respective seats

Coach instructs everyone
Count the most dominant colour cards
Thus I categorise and count
Arranging cards accordion to colour
Speechless with the colour card quantity
Four blue cards
Four green cards
Four yellow cards
Two red cards

Then he calls out those with most green cards
I lift up my hand
Explain green are yes people
Next he calls out the most blue cards
I lift up my hand
Explain blue are logical and negative people
The third call is the most yellow cards
I lift up my hand
Explain yellow are imaginative cheerful people
Fourth is red cards
My hand is on the table
He questions my red cards
Only two cards

Privately share my perspective of a map
Look like a flying bird to the coach
Due to I hear everybody answers America
Do I see wrongly?
Assures me
Nothing wrong with me
Due to belong to yellow card
Sudden revelation I tend to see things
In the bigger picture
An unbelievable answered limbo
The reason I don’t feel a sense of belonging

Inside my mind
Questions and wondering
What is God doing in my life?
Is God revealing about myself?
In the system training
My cell member’s questions are answered
Prepared to give her answer and informs her
Then I rush to the bathroom


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 27 April 2016

The communication workshop enables me to understand myself better. I just need to make sure the words in the cards describe me clearly. Huh? Suddenly, I’m surprised that my most cards are red, green and blue. Basically, I have four cards for each green, blue and yellow. And two red cards. I’m surprised to hear from the Lumina coach that I am well-balanced. That’s not what I want to hear. Then he forces us to choose one card out of all cards. I choose the yellow card, “my imagination leads me to no sense of reality”. However, the ideas have been executed and workable to solve the problem because I am a quiet person. So the coach separates us according to our colour choice. CMF is standing at the green whereas I stand at the yellow. However, the coach explains that I’m everywhere and well-balanced. I feel so sad to be separated from my friend. I share to the coach privately that I see American map as the bird. Hoping to understand myself. He reveals that I think of the bigger picture. I feel speechless because I can’t believe myself about myself.

In the system training and e-appraisal workshop, the person in charge explains how to use the system and welcome questions. My cell member’s question is answered. The transaction can be seen from system website seeing yesterday’s transactions.

Thank God for the courage to speak out and ask another colleague about IT and media department. She asks my experiences so I share from IT and arts background. I study in information system. However, due to my curiousity I manage to repair computer. When I ask about media department, my colleague reveals it is under marketing advertisement department. Suddenly, CMF rebukes me not to say such things unless I have a close friend in that department. That sends me an unhappy signal. Afterwards, I send message to her whether she is unhappy with me. She clarifies that she is concerned of me. In the lift, she carries my bag to see its weight. She mentions it is heavy and asks the things I bring. It is sketchbook, pencils, purse, cards, iPad and other miscellaneous stuffs.

The peace at the cell group meeting with SS, Lita, J and PL. I inform my cell member on the cut off date and viewing transaction. Glad for the peaceful clarification of declaring God’s Words to PM. Her questions are answered during continuing the Bible Study titled Spirit Soul and Body. After Josephine shares her husband and her unhappiness with her mother in law, I begin to share about Internet service provider issue and maid issue with my husband. My cell leader immediately assumes and pronounces her judgment to let my son takes shower by himself. I can sense it is pointless to explain. I feel so overpowered. In the end, I choose to shut my mouth. Because they don’t fully listen. So I just ask for prayer for the maid’s issue.

As we walk towards the carpark, my cell leader holds my left hand. My cell leader apologises that they don’t understand me well enough because we just get along since last October. Apology is accepted. It’s not the time to speak it out first. Appreciate for the cell leader’s leader gives us a lift to the nearby train station.

On my way home, suddenly I receive an email from CMF asking, “Where are you?” That causes my imagination runs wild. Do I make a mistake again? Or is she trying to clarify herself?

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

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