If Not For Jesus!

If not for Jesus, I would take matter into my hands!
If not for Jesus, I would leave you!
If not for my Lord, I would have commit suicide!
If not for my Lord, I would avoid you!
If not for my Saviour, I only give you one chance!
If not for my Saviour, I would lock my door!
If not for my God, I would bark!

Yet you barge into my fence of boundaries!
Yet you take me for granted!
Yet you enjoy hurting me more!
Your ACTIONS and WORDS are inconsistent!
You always beat around the bush!

What do you WANT from me?!
I feel sick of your arrogance!
You cause me to fall into the pit of depression!
Initially
You give me the joy of life
You share your faith in Jesus
You give me the hope of
“Two is better than one”
A close confidant

If not for Jesus, I would not trust you!
If not for my Lord, I would not forgive you!
If not for my Saviour, I would forsake you!
I have enough!

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 21 May 2015 at 12:15pm

This is the sequel to Why Do You? poetry. You have read the previous journey of my poetry. My heart and trust are fully broken. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Spray

Carrying around
The house
Jumping around
The sofa
Dashing around
The house
Climbing around
Metal doors
Chasing after
Grandma
Grabbing after
Colourful pictures

Heartbeat races
Adrenaline rush
Shouts of joy
Perspires unceasingly

Joining his grandma
Into her room
Meddling cosmetic drawer
Holding onto
Perfume bottle
Grandpa intervenes to
Stop him from
Dropping it
But

Spray! Spray!
Spray onto left armpit
Spray! Spray!
Spray onto right armpit
Surrender perfume bottle

Desiring to eliminate
Strong odour
Coming out of
Armpits

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 18 June 2013 at 4:54pm
Inspiration Ends On: Wednesday, 19 June 2013 at 2:01am

The poetry written by Busy Mind Thinking about obsession at http://busymindthinking.com/2013/06/18/obsession/ reminded me of this poetry. This poetry is about the time my son was around two years old who knew that his armpits were smelly due to perspiration. Entering his grandma’s room, he meddle her drawer full of cosmetics. Within the cosmetics, he unknowingly grabbed onto a perfume bottle. The alarmed grandpa shouted at him to put the perfume back. Upon knowing it is a perfume, he instantly sprayed it onto his armpits. An angry situation turned into humour. Grandparents had a good laugh. At night, my helper narrated this event.

Jealous Baby Boy

Just a few countable words to grandma
He grabs grandma’s left hand swiftly
His uncle pretends to grab grandma’s right hand
Whining and grabs grandma’s hand stronger
Whining angrily
Impatiently waiting for his uncle to leave grandma
Nobody can replace grandma
Grandma only belongs to him
Grandma is his only
He won’t share her to anyone

Grandma goes out with grandpa
He wailed whiningly
As a sign of disagreement
Grandma only belongs to him
Grandma is his only
He won’t share her to anyone

Instead, he loves his aunt very much
Picks up the telephone
Dial randomly
Speaking imaginatively to his aunt
Anticipating of her visit zealously

On the playground
A toddler older than him hold his dad
He instantly snatches his dad
He disagree instantly for me to be with that toddler
Pissed of that toddler
Target that toddler among others
Whenever that toddler fills the basket with colourful ball
Quietly he presses the button
The button to throw the colourful balls out of the basket
To let that toddler’s collected ball flows out
Repetitively he does so
And continuously does so
Without rest
With a revengeful smile
Oh, that toddler is a boy

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 5 June 2013 At 9:45pm

Seems that my son is jealous of his grandpa and uncle (my younger brother), particularly towards boy and men. He is extremely close to his grandma and loves her the most. That grandma is my mother. He slept beside her from second months to eight months before transferred to his cot. Is this a phase of a toddler’s life? But he is not jealous of my elder sister (his aunt). In fact, he loves her and listens to her more than me.

First to third stanzas are everyday events, but the playground case was the most recent case. I left the playground for toilet after the snatching event. When I returned, I was puzzled of my son to continuously pressed the throw ball button quietly. Upon reaching home, my husband told me what happened when I left the playground for toilet. Though he is a sweet and caring boy, I can’t believe of my son’s jealousy.

Shine Shine

Shine Shine.
Shine Shine.
Looking down
Looking curiously
Looking excitedly
At his new
Shining sandals
A pair of new shining sandals.

Thrilled by
Shine Shine.
Shine Shine.
Stomp! Stomp!
Stomping to
Let it shine.
Shine Shine.
Shine Shine.

On the way home
He reports and show to a neighbour grandpa.
Upon reaching home
He reports via phone to granny.
When the helper tends him
He reports and shows his new sandal.
So excited with
A pair of new shining sandals.
Shine Shine.
Shine Shine.

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Inspiration On: Sunday, 14 April 2013 at 9:20pm

Since my son’s sandal is tight, his dad and I brought him out to buy a new sandal. Not much choice with the sandal size. Only a pair of red angry bird sandal is size 29 suitable for my 33 months toddler. Surprisingly, after we bought it, the sandal shined. My son was intrigued and always stomped his feet in order to see its little light effect.

Striking A Pose

Bending his right leg to the left
Resting upon his left leg
Head leans to the left then
Rests at his left palm.
Look like a boss!
Looking COOL!

Two hands open like a V-shaped
Two legs open like a pair of frog legs
Peaceful sleeping face on cot.
Look like a champion frog!
Looking FUNNY!

Upped and wrinkled eyebrows,
Eyebrows look sad
Asking why.
Looking pitiful.

Lowered and wrinkled eyebrows,
Furious eyebrows
Just an act;
Looking angry.

Raising eyebrows
Eyes are larger
Requesting food or toys.
Acting cute!
Looking CUTE!

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Inspiration On: Monday, 7 January 2013 at 11:04am
Inspiration Ends On: Thursday, 10 January 2013 at 1:05am

Sometimes my toddler did these kind of poses. My dad and my brother love to position his hands and legs to make him look like a boss, and even look cool.

Deep Buried Feelings

Deep buried feelings were kept somewhere.
Painful memories were left unidentified for ten years.
Not ten years, more than that.
Unknowingly, it was planted since young.
It was sowed seed by seed.

Motivation of study is from external source.
Motivation of study only comes from mother.
No inner motivation to do so.
No sense of purpose in life.
No compass to guide me.
Only my parents are my compass.

We followed mother to her chosen destination to give us good future.
We lived in an uncle’s house due to lack of finance.
With my own eyes, I saw my mother being bullied.
I wish to stand strong, but I’m weak.
I’m standing at the corner.
I feel lost.
Angry with my self!
Why am I so slow?
Why am I a weakling?
Leave me alone.
I just wish to be quiet.

A slight headache.
Someone came to my rescue.
It is like a Light enters my heart.
There is a sense of purpose.
I need to stand strong.
I can’t!
But in the Light I can.

A door is closed.
But He opens a window.
A window opens my mind to marriage.

With just a few words through written message,
My past deep feelings were dug out.
No, I think I found out now.
Now I found out what it is.
Found out the root cause to fear of marriage.
It is the very seed that takes root in my heart since young.
It shaped my thinking.
It also shaped my heart.

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Expressed on: Friday, 07 November 2008.