Third Testimonial Letter

Courage sips in
Approach the supervisor
Ask for a testimonial letter
Being misunderstood to
Find a job in the hospital
That is not the case
My friend comes
On the things to write of me
No other way except to show hospital letter
She shows to our supervisor
Without divulging autism test
Only mentioning hospital letter

Before leaving the office
Our supervisor writes a testimonial letter
An unexpected good testimony
Being hardworking
Always think of great ideas
Simplify work processes
Receive compliment of being
A dedicated and hardworking worker
Complete assigned tasks on time
Grateful for my Lord’s favour
For the natural ability the Lord blesses me
Is that the ex-client sees in me?

Inspiration On: Monday, 16 May 2016

The workforce coach’s words repetitively echoes in my head. She encourages me to do my work well so that I can be transferred to another department. That really encourages me a lot.

There is a sudden feeling and courage to ask testimonial letter from my supervisor. He thinks I’m going to apply a job in a hospital. So he wants my friend to write. She returns to me. No choice. I have to show her my hospital letter to bring testimonial letter as proof. Therefore, she shows to him. Grateful for her not to speak out. I thank the Lord for the hospital doesn’t write autism self-assessment. The hospital letter only shows psychologist test.

By God’s favour through my supervisor who understands. So he writes the testimonial letter and keeps quiet. Grateful for a good testimony being hard working and always thinking great ideas to simplify work process. I feel so grateful. Strange for my classmates words echo in my head, “do you ever apply for scholarship?” Lord, I wish to have scholarship to complete the animation studies that You give hope in me. It is the burden in media for the children’s well being.

After reading the book ‘Discerning & Defeating The Ahab Spirit’, I can relate to the part where the wife let go of her dream by staying in an abusive relationship. It is around two days ago reading it. Suddenly, words come to express my feelings.

Does anybody cares about my dream? Do my parents and husband only pay lip service? When I want to learn it, mum disagreed. He persuaded mum. So she agreed. End of last year, he shared that there is government funding to learn animation. Now, during attending the storyboard animation course, my parents and he disagree. I’m tired of their persuasion to let go for my well-being. I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of their opinions. They only care about their assumptions and their ways instead of understanding my needs. I do my best to do for their needs, yet they cause confusion in my life. Instead of encouraging and understand me, they just care their own ways. I feel pissed off with my brother who shouts at mum not to take my son’s schoolwork. He and dad wants my husband takes responsibility. I can understand mum’s heart. Even I will do the same as her. Wish you all have good days and thank you.


Delve self into others’ shoes
Sensing all the painful conflicts
Thinking the best for others’ to grow
The Holy Spirit enables me
To find the right words to speak
Only to forget about it
Surprised for own mother
Reminds and praises me on the words I speak

Inspiration On: Thursday, 12 May 2016

Suddenly, my mother reminds me on the good things I have done and spoken. I have a way to speak to Siti to point her mistakes and improve herself. My answer is simple. I put myself in her position and I put myself from mum’s position. What is God doing? It feels great to draw before sleep. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Psychologist asks Autistic

The psychologist looked at my academic grades and good work attitude testimonials. Then she asked many questions. Her diagnosis is that I have the autistic symptoms but different case. She asked me, “how do you survive?”

“Don’t know,” was my reply.

I think a lot on it and reflect.
If given second opportunity, I want to thank Jesus and the people who has been helping me a lot.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Mistakes After Mistakes

Lose observation skills
Misinterpret English instruction
Doing more than the required
Misunderstood her with previous client

Clouds of confusion
Clears with straightforward explanation
Only to realize
Being valued and trusted

Grief of being misunderstood
For high pay when I don’t ask for high pay
Doing nothing when I stoned
Due to arguing with my husband

That shows
My mental condition need to strengthen
Feed more in God’s Words
To strengthen my mental agility

Humble myself
Go for autism diagnosis
Open my mouth to seek help
Understand myself to manage myself

Inspiration On: Wednesday, 2 December 2015

I wish to tell my business mentor that my mum prays for someone to guide me in Singapore. I’m surprised the Lord hears her inner heart. Lord, please grant me the wisdom how to say it. Suddenly, I communicate with my mum via WhatsApp. I remind her about her words to have someone to guide me. I don’t even realize it much earlier. I tell her that the person is my business mentor and she appears before she prays about it. She is so silent about it.

“Why don’t you tell me?” She asks me. Then she continued, “You should tell me to save time.”

“When I tell my previous client his drawing is awful, he forces me to follow his.” I remember the past abuse.

She justifies herself, “I’m not him. You are taking it the wrong side of extreme.” That jolts me. Oh no! What happen to me? Why is the past haunting me? I’m awaiting the encounter session on Saturday and Sunday. I can’t stand such wrong perception.

Her two hands cover her face on the table. That posture reminds me of my business mentor’s posture at a school. Why? Why am I like this?

She explains the reason she passes her office key to me is her trust to me and let me do my work there. She clarifies that she values my expertise. She understands that I can’t put my things at the mobile office space. Therefore, she lets me use her space. When she needs creative work, she can find me and pay me for the work I have done. She values me as a business woman. I feel so valued. Furthermore, I feel so appreciative of her honesty as a friend, a client and an employer. Normally, she can get $12 per hour freelancers who are lacking experience. She pays me $15 per hour to value my expertise and professionalism. So she feels that we can’t work together anymore and she chooses to hire other freelancers. When I share this to mum and compare her with IC, I can sense her to be a good boss. She compliments me and appreciate my effort. When I do right, she compliments me. When I make a mistake, she gently explains herself repetitively. Her patient tone, “please, please, please” helps me to observe my wrong understanding of her words in WhatsApp. It is such simple words. How can I understand it wrongly? This is frightening. She can’t accept my apologies anymore. This is not so right. O Lord, please enable me to do what is right.

Though I feel slightly sad, I send her WhatsApp message on my way home, “I’m sorry to get confused. I value you also as a businesswoman. I look up to you in the way you manage the part-timers. I will just count the photo cleaning job. As a part-timer, I also need guidance.” I can understand she doesn’t want to shortchange me. There is no reply from her. Through this, I feel very frustrated with the devil. A strange black bald head with large eyeballs look at me hideously. Inside, I get so angry and kick that creature away.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Autism Assessment

An encouragement to go for
Professional autism assessment
Until I don’t want to hurt others unintentionally
Until I want to be helped and able to help others
Another one encourages me to assess
Then they can help

Business mentor highlights
So that I can manage myself better
That sentence strikes me to
To be independent

Two people encourage
Many encouragement thus
There is an inner
Courage to go for assessment
Explain to the doctor
My condition
My communication issue
My friends’ hard time to understand me

Inspiration On: Tuesday, 1 December 2015

Since my friend/boss hasn’t returned to Singapore and tells me to wait, I use the time to go to polyclinic. There is also polyclinic near the office. I reach office first to switch the aircon to maintain the clothes. Then I rush there. The registration counters open at 1:30pm. After registration, I see the doctor and repeat the written WhatsApp message, “may I have a referral to a qualified psychologist who can help me with autism diagnostic assessment?”. So that I can speak clearly. Then she asks many questions and my preference hospital. I have no preference so she assigns me to IMH. I can’t accept IMH so I request for another hospital nearer to central. A government hospital is the other selected hospital. I feel so relieved because I don’t want to have a mental labeling.

Then I have the courage to share my reflections to my business mentor. I realize my autism is worse after I get married. She questions, “Then how could you able to compare that your autism is worse after marriage.” After many reflections, I compare my current found out condition with my condition before marriage.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.