Extreme Opposing Patterns

Judge others harshly
Lack of understanding
Overlook own mistakes
Extremely self-forgiving
Finding fault on others
Searching for scapegoats
Seeking control on others’ lives
Protecting own interest

Extremely forgiving others’ mistakes easily
Full of empathy and understanding
No excuse with own mistakes
Admit own faults
Beware of being the scapegoat
Be sensitive to manipulative spirits
Protect others’ interest
Seek the Lord’s intervention to stop being controlled

Circumstances and situations
May cause
Both extremes switch places
Thus the cycle continues

Maintain self-care purpose
In order to
Care others require
Recognise the higher power
Omnipotent God sees
Seeking my Lord and Saviour
To be the person whom the Lord wants

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 14 September 2016

It has been months I have been feeling miserable. My cell leader has been highlighting to me repetitively to learn to self care so that I can care others. I begin realise that it is my mistakes to let others enter into my boundaries. I refuse to let my patterns to continue and ask God for wisdom. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Miserable To Care

Care others’ feelings
End up miserable
Making things difficult for me
Awaiting my fall
Forcing their own opinions upon me
Taking me for granted

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Inspiration On: Saturday, 14 November 2015

My husband asks me whether I am bringing my son out. I say no. So he brings our son to a bird park. Though I want to go together, he doesn’t want. Anyway, I just treat it to sketch my children’s book. But my plan to sketch it goes awry. The motivation is lost. It’s like he always gets his way. I’m always at the lost end. When I want to bring my maid for medical checkup, she insists to return to her hometown and says her agent said one month can go back. However, I suspect my husband due to him ever said he never offended a maid. When I checked the matter, he scolded our previous helper then she rebuffed him with the truth. I’m tired of such life. Anyway I need to check the matter first. I feel upset and care about my son’s feelings. What should I do, Lord? Why would people misunderstand me? I don’t wish to hurt others and do my best to make them happy. Yet they only care their own opinions and tend to make things difficult for me.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Keeping Silence

Keeping Silence
Being respectful
Being caring
About my parents’ feelings
Keeping my silence
Imbues misunderstanding cues
Treated as a slow response
Rebuked to speed up my mental agility

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Inspiration On: Monday, 9 November 2015

My dad analyzes that Singapore law is too money minded. Though I haven’t been having proper income after marriage, the little savings I have been saving is not entitled to free legal aid. He speaks personally to me about my mum and husband. He explains the reason my husband always laugh during dating. It is due to mum always cook good food for him. Mum is also easily being fooled by his courteousness and smiling face during dating with me. Inside my heart, I feel so upset due to not listening to God’s small still voice. I should have listened to God’s voice and make my own stand.

CW wants to talk to me personally about the Christian agency and the volunteers I am looking for to relief my ministry work.

Upon reaching the legal aid, the customer service officer just informs that my little savings is considered not entitled to free legal aid. Mum feels bad for not checking the matter correctly. And I wasted my trip and time to go for the free legal aid. If I use the wasted time to do my work and earn income, that is better. Why is my time always being disturbed with all these things? Being care too much is a pain in the ass. I care about others’ feelings too much. I tend to make things easy for them. Instead of helping me, some people enjoys to make things difficult to me. It’s great to practice my own boundary, say “no” in a polite manner and walk away.

Upon reaching home, dad analyzes the situation. He understands I make mistakes. Through my husband’s character and doing, my dad asks me whether I can stand of being tormented. I keep my silence. I feel bad for my parents and brother to endure humiliation with me. I am feeling worse to listen to them hurrying me to get married. However, my silence is being misunderstood. Why should parents hurrying own daughter to get married? But they tend to give more privilege to their sons. Inside I feel unfair. But I still care for my parents. Again, they dissuade me from publishing my own children’s books. They only care on their own opinions rather than honing their children’s potential. How many times do parents tend to relinquish their children’s potential?

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Naive Cautious Prudent Arrogant

Being Wary of people
Often wears one down

Being cautious and prudent is good

Extreme sides of thoughts and mindsets
Being naive and arrogant
Err our judgments

Being cautious and prudent
Being naive
Being arrogant
Who do we choose to be?

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 28 October 2015 at 11:32pm

Most of the times, people are full of assumptions with their own sights and hearings. However, they don’t know the whole story. Being slow in speech, people often stop me with their own conclusions. Thus they reach to the wrong conclusion. Instead of listening patiently, most people can’t stand to give their opinions. Why can’t people listens more? I tend to listen more than I speak. I find the joy to lend a pair of listening ears. When it comes to my turn to confide, everyone is eager to pout their own judgments of me and my situations. This really hurts. The recent case is my business mentor who scolds me, “leech!” That words hurt me so much. She doesn’t know much in what I have been through. Until I cry to the Lord. Surprisingly, she asked me the reason I let her got iPhone 6S under my renewed contract. So I have the opportunity to explain my appreciation of our friendship. Then she relented and replied she’ll get it under her son’s corporate plan. She upgrades her 12GB 3G old plan to 4GB 4G plan and treats it as discipline. Because she feels that I need the income more than she does. Strangely, though I am so hurt, I still care about her as the way I care my mother. I see her hurts as I see my mother’s hurts.

Being An Ambidextrous

Writing with a left hand
On the post-it notes
Seems nostalgic

It has been ages to begin
Writing with a left hand
At the age of three

Only to be dissuaded from using left-hand
It is a scar to remember those times
Being forced to learn

Writing with my right hand
Though I have been writing with my right hand
Left hand and feet are my first reactions

Being too compliant to force myself
Writing with my right hand
Seeking acceptance and to love my parents
Knowing they care

Hoping to blend with the common people
Blending like a chameleon
Writing with my right hand
As a camouflage to be accepted as the norm

But
Left hand and feet are my first reactions
In whatever I do
Right hand and feet are the next movements

Living a confused life
Only to find out the real me
After marriage and teaching my son

My left hand automatically draws and writes
A surprising realisation
Only to be treated as the odd ones in my family

Yes, they care about me
Yet I feel suppressed to comply to their opinions
Because I care about how they feel

Only when my suppression grows worse
The more I am against their opinions for not understanding me
Wishing only Jesus, my Lord and Saviour

Though they mean it for good
God means it for my own good too

Being an ambidextrous

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Inspiration On: Friday, 3 July 2015 at 7:43pm
Inspiration Ends On: Wednesday, 8 July 2015 at 5:35pm

It has been ages for me to write with my left hand. It feels good and sentimental to remember my younger days. The more I understand myself and feeling strange about myself for being the odd one in my family. Hope this poetry able to comfort others who go through the same thing as I do. You are not alone. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Ace

A creative entrepreneur
Accidentally found

An Accidental
Creative
Enterprise

In the midst of arts industry
Where the new creatives
Can withhold

Paid
Internship and Professional
Income

To improve employability skills
Passionate to work
Yet able to care the family

Not solitary endeavour
but to
ACE together!

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 10 June 2015 at 11:55am

In the current creative industries, there is an increasing epidemic where the creative job seekers are not paid during internship due to a book written to the artists to provide their service for free. Are not the workers deserve their wages? Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Lonely Life

Loneliness residing inside
Despair in life
Living in this lonely world
Though I seek to understand others

Full of ravaging wolves
Preying on my caring hearts
Wounding it to the core

Lacking understanding hearts
Produce deflectors
Causing

One feet forward yet half feet backward
Towards my destination
Confusions are battling within

Now
Wishing to be invisible
Resting from many labours

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 17 March 2015 at 4:45pm

My many mistakes hurt my heart. It is the mistake to care others yet others do not seek to understand me. Though some nice people encourage me to move forward, some even deters me from moving forward. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Egg Cracks

An egg cracks open and out a baby crocodile
The carer feeds it food daily
Day by day the crocodile grows in size and length
Into a large and strong crocodile 
Day by day the carer’s hair turns grey to white

On a sunny day
The growling crocodile observes its carer’s feeble walk
Chomping the last food
Tears roll down its eyes
Filled with pity
Carer goes near it to comfort

BITE!

Blood drips out of the carer’s stomach
Losing strength to breathe his last
As the crocodile watches the tragic sight happily
Feeding the carer as its last meal
Without realizing the carer is its master

Since then, the crocodile’s stomach growls daily
No more food
Days passed 
It closes its eyes for the last time

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Inspiration On: Friday, 2 January 2014 from 1:30pm to 2pm

An ungrateful crocodile visual poetry appeared in my dream. It speaks a meaningful story to me to be careful of crocodile tears. A few times, I have falled into prey and I need to beware and to share this to you all. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Voiceless

Brushing own opinion aside
Casting own voice away
Dragged by others’ decision
Am I voiceless?

Too caring?
Too concern?
Living in accordance to others’ voice
Am I voiceless?

Unwilling to hurt others’ feelings
But I am hurting inside
Alive but voiceless
Losing myself
Loneliness rule

Voicing out
Only to be rejected
Only to be misunderstood
Loneliness rule

Taken for granted?
Taken advantaged?
Loneliness rule
Am I voiceless?

Am I voiceless . . . ?
Are my opinions worthless?
Does ………
……. anybody
……………….. care?

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Inspiration On: Monday, 21 April 2014 from 12:45am to 4:38am

Current upheaval life from inside and outside rubbed salt into my past pain and worsened it deeply. Thus, such feelings evokes and birthing out this poetry. Wish you all have good days and thank you for reading my poetry.

Cat, Dog & Baby Mouse

Cat
Waits at the mouse’s hole
Waiting to play with the mouse
Makes fun of the mouse
Poke and itch the mouse
Laughter covers the room
Shouts of help fill the house
Cat laughs at baby mouse’s demise

Dog
Labours the baby mouse
Smells the baby mouse
Cares the baby mouse
Plays with baby mouse
Laughter fills the house
Disciplines baby mouse
Guard baby mouse’s wrong actions
Learning as backbone mother

Mouse
Cute ears pop out
Makes fun of cat
Pokes and itch the cat
With a mischievous smile
Pulls the cat’s hairy legs as the cat changes clothing
Runs around the house
Jumps around the house
Taking off clothing to shower
Showing his sexy naked body with a pose
Misbehaviour turns to obedience once dog appears

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Inspiration On: Monday, 4 November 2013 at 11:20pm
Inspiration Ends On: Tuesday, 5 November 2013 at 2:20am

The cat refers to my husband, dog refers to me, and baby mouse refers to my son. Influenced with the Tom & Jerry cartoon shown by his dad, he keeps on saying he is the mouse, his dad is the cat and I am the dog. Normally, his dad and I notice his cute pop out ears like a mouse’s ears. So I summed up everyone’s perspectives in this poetry. Thanks for reading my poetry and hope you all enjoy this.