Cause of Migraine

A sudden surprise
A sister in Christ blesses me with
Haircut and hair wash

Another sister in Christ and her
Sense and point out
My body tightness means tense

Another perspective answers
Cause of my migraine
Anxiety disorder

A new discovery about myself
Sensitive nervous system
Towards new surroundings

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Inspiration On: Friday, 11 December 2015

I almost want to make my way to SS’s hair salon. Suddenly, I am reminded to inform her before I go. Thank God she is going to her shop. Then I make my way there. It feels good to do my work at a different environment though there is a hairdryer sound. Inside I need help to get my structure back. Suddenly, SS gives me a new haircut and wash my hair. Msa is washing her a customer’s hair. It is my second time to go for hair wash. My whole body feel so tight. Msa and SS sense and point out I look tense. Am I so tense? Is that the cause of my chronic perpetual migraine? I wonder. Before I am married, I am not so tensed.

Upon returning home, my parents and brother like my new hairstyle. It suits me more. However, I feel that my face looks more roundish.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Boiling Mountain

The mountain is full of boiling larva
It is full of accumulated hurtful words
A pain that is beyond description
The time of explosion hasn’t came
But it is still under control

Suddenly, the final end has come
Being wrongfully accused explodes the mountain
The mountain blasts out
Returning the hurtful words to the speaker

But it is not the end
The deep larva hasn’t came out
It is still there boiling deep inside the core of the mountain.

The mountain choose to stay calm
Not wanting to hurt the speaker
Though she is still in pain

She is waiting for the speaker to dig the core larva
But, he doesn’t seem to care
Doesn’t seem to understand
Doesn’t even to ask why
She is still hoping
Hoping he will do so

Blaming without cause
Wrongfully accused

Those cause the fire mountain to burst out
Then rain downpours the exploded larva
Though it can’t fully calm the larva, which is deep inside the core of the mountain.

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Inspiration On: Saturday, 04 June 2011

Deep Buried Feelings

Deep buried feelings were kept somewhere.
Painful memories were left unidentified for ten years.
Not ten years, more than that.
Unknowingly, it was planted since young.
It was sowed seed by seed.

Motivation of study is from external source.
Motivation of study only comes from mother.
No inner motivation to do so.
No sense of purpose in life.
No compass to guide me.
Only my parents are my compass.

We followed mother to her chosen destination to give us good future.
We lived in an uncle’s house due to lack of finance.
With my own eyes, I saw my mother being bullied.
I wish to stand strong, but I’m weak.
I’m standing at the corner.
I feel lost.
Angry with my self!
Why am I so slow?
Why am I a weakling?
Leave me alone.
I just wish to be quiet.

A slight headache.
Someone came to my rescue.
It is like a Light enters my heart.
There is a sense of purpose.
I need to stand strong.
I can’t!
But in the Light I can.

A door is closed.
But He opens a window.
A window opens my mind to marriage.

With just a few words through written message,
My past deep feelings were dug out.
No, I think I found out now.
Now I found out what it is.
Found out the root cause to fear of marriage.
It is the very seed that takes root in my heart since young.
It shaped my thinking.
It also shaped my heart.

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Expressed on: Friday, 07 November 2008.