Always Screwed

Feel encouraged and appreciated
Receiving compliments and directness
Where to improve

Confessing to my Lord
All the hurts and pain
Betrayal feelings

Confessing to mature Christians
Seeking counsel to
Settle the dispute with those

Tend to sow discord
Making wrong to right
Right to wrong

Tired of such mental anguish from hell
Sense God’s goodness through others wish
The best for me through their acts of kindness

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Inspiration On: Sunday, 31 January 2016

Looking at the time, I rush my son to eat. I got pissed off and scold him no need to go out with me. It is just a remark to rush him off. My brother shows his displeasure to leave him at home. I react and tell him off not to meddle my discipline. After I cut the meat in his bowl, he rushes into my room. So I run after him. Then he cries and asking me, “why do you always scold me?” That hurts me. I respond, “whenever I say gently, you don’t listen.” I already know that my mum always overwrite my discipline and even scold me in front of my son.

I don’t know how to say. I feel so appreciative of BL’s compliments and suggestions of my curriculum vitae. Her directness to tell me that I focus on the unimportant stuffs and to spread myself too thin. That’s what Perine Seah has been telling me. I enjoy the interaction with Tanvi whom she introduces as her researcher and even voiceover.

Another while I feel so hurt to know my mother in law and husband attempt to sow discord between my parents and I. It is due to their lack of insecurity and jealousy. I intercede for him not to be taken away. I just let God to do the judgement. I feel so tired of the struggle to intercede.

So I confess to Uncle WY, “Uncle WY, how do you handle someone who sows discord? I often comfort myself with their good points. I feel like a fool. Later on, I found out about it. I need more mature Christians who can guide me in this. Thanks.”

“May i call you tomorrow Mon 1st Feb at 12pm to pray with you how to handle those who sow discord? unc WY,” he responds.

Gratefully I respond, “Sure. Thanks a lot.”

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Truths and Hurts

Awakened to see
Everybody’s
True colours

Awakened to see and understand
Different perspectives, shoes and feelings
Sword of betrayal feelings hurts me deeply

Angst of ordeal pain
Due to being care too much
Letting everyone to cross over my boundaries

Always pointing my mistakes
Without knowing my worst feelings
Only care with their own opinions and feelings

Let God be the Judge
Learn to assert my boundaries with wisdom
Seeking God’s protection upon my boundaries

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Inspiration On: Saturday, 30 January 2016

In the church service, they preach on the theme “Beyond Conflict” on how to resolve conflict in a biblical way and the examples of good points and the mistakes made between people. My heart is so hurting. At the altar call, I seek prayer to alleviate my mental stress, better manage myself and to find a job so that I can protect those whom I love. The intercessor comforts me of God’s presence in my hard times. I feel better then I fetch my son from the GKids. I feel so happy that he listens to instructions well during the community blessings. I thank the Lord for his heart.

I am shocked to realize the points I am disappointed with my husband. Dishonesty, lack of gratitude and commitment, manipulative, using my parents and ready to kick them away once our son reaches 3 years old, taking it for granted, think of himself and his own presumptions made me lose hope in my husband. Recently, he insists to let the helper to have her own way to return to her hometown instead of negotiating with her and choose to believe her excuse to return to her hometown. In the end, I have to bear the consequences of his decision. He still dares to say I don’t think for him. I have enough of his excuses. He thinks that handle maid is easy. Throughout the interaction with him, I have enough to deal with such personality who can make right to wrong and wrong to right. When my dad rebuked him gently, he regards it as bully him instead of accepting as a man’s responsibility. I heard it from our son talking to my mother in law on the phone. I have enough of this. Inside my heart, I feel so stupid to believe him. I have felt worst in my heart to let God down, let my parents down, my mistakes and failures, to cover his mistakes and to bear the consequences of his decisions. I feel so foolish to only see his good points to comfort myself. I also feel so foolish to care my mother in law’s feelings who later on backstab me from behind and using my husband. My husband fully listens to her every orders. Now, he is playing politics and attempting to take our son’s heart. Lord, I have enough of this. Now, I totally surrender my mother in law and my husband to you. I’m tired of the politics. No wonder it cause me mental stress and being torn in between. Lord, I just want to have peace of mind. Thank You, Lord, for Your divine meeting with Your committed followers. I feel so thankful for their support.

John Maxwell Leadership course definitely helps me a lot. I thank God for him and appreciate his business.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Appreciation and Collaboration

Zealous to contribute to God’s kingdom
In the body of Christ
Cell leader’s daily verse proclamation
I put it into graphic
She misunderstands my good intention
Feel pressurized to learn
Twice I need to explain my contribution
Speechless of her misunderstanding
And realizing my slowness too
Attune to realize my closer
Connection towards
Older generation
Rather than
Younger generations

Meeting a senior citizen business owner
Settling her book cover design
Appreciate her gratitude to
Treat lunch and dessert
For my help
Throughout the collaboration
I enjoy our
Personal interaction
Clearing misunderstanding
Finalize the design according to her vision
Improve it to make it more astounding

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Inspiration On: Friday, 29 January 2016

Out of enthusiasm, I continue to put SS’s scripture proclamation into picture. She seems pressurized, “Thanks, butI have not time to do this at the moment.”

“You are welcome. All those are for us to keep and proclaim besides of writing it down. That’s the best reminder. That’s why I put it into graphic. Please don’t misunderstand me.” I answer abruptly.

She replies, “Will learn from you after new year.”

“No worries. Because I have been doing this for my ministry work and for others as well to edify one another.” I attempt to explain my contribution.

Unexpectedly, she compliments me, “No worries , it is very useful and helpful and very thoughtful of you. I would like to learn from you. Thank you very much.”

“You are most welcome. Just a small gesture. We have different giftings to complement each other. So I want to do my part.” I explain my part.

Again she thanks me, “You are most welcome.”

“You are most welcome.” I answer appreciatively.

Then I go and meet BL to work on her book cover. In the end, I design the article and appreciate her honesty to say to ask other people to contribute in her book cover design too. I don’t mind to be shared from equity based. She willingly renders her help to do editing. I enjoy our collaboration in the designing part.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Smelly Row Seat

On a Sunday morning, a sharp awful smell came out of nowhere. A lady who was sitting beside me asked my nose sense. Flap!! Flap!! So stinky! Flap!! Flap!! She rested her hands from flapping the newspaper. Then she flapped again. Her flapping eased the awful smell. And I could sense the flapped wind freshen the air pollution. However, such continuum action stirred the other listeners’ attention to her during the preaching. A pastor from behind approaches her. She immediately explained the place she sat stinks. However, the pastor didn’t hear it. So he called her. A minute had passed. She stood up and went behind to meet the pastor.

Let us see from different perspectives.

From the congregations’ perspectives, it disturbed their time to listen to the preaching from the pulpit. They were utterly disrupted from their hearing focus.

The lady was concentrating on the preaching yet she needed to bear the smell. She bore the smell to the point of unbearable breathing. Opening her bag, she was looking for things to ease her nostril. A newspaper helped her to ease her pain. That’s the only thing for her to do so. Flapping it freshen the air and ease her breathing.

A pastor’s perspective felt that it disrupted the congregation. So he decided to approach her. However, he couldn’t hear her explanation and called her. She walked to him to explain herself. However, the people who sat at my row bore the stinky smell silently and quickly left.

What can we learn from here? Investigate the source of the smell. Stop hurting the congregation. Congregation and the church staff need to collaborate to solve the air pollution. Don’t let it continue. This can be likened to a sin that was not tackled. Once it becomes worse, it’ll affect everyone.

Please share your perspective on this issue.