Please Listen to Me

Do you know
What you are doing?
Do you know
Who are the people she sends to?

My eyes open wide
Overlook the email sent by the person
Last night I have been asking
Ex-business mentor who has been in the finance industry

I speak out
I explain my thoughts
Only to be treated
Being self-defensive

Yes
I made the mistake
I’m wrong
Forgive me

Being silent
Seems the best
Nobody wants to listen me
Please listen to me

Are everybody waiting for me
To make mistakes unexpectedly?
Why do I make the mistakes?
Forgive me, Lord

If I go earlier for autism assessment
Then earlier for therapy
I will not land my friend into trouble
If I listen to advise

Hold onto my tears
Rush to the bathroom
Hiding in the cubicle
Tears roll down uncontrollably

Stop then return to my desk
A lady colleague gives
A sour salty sweets
Then a big pack of tissue

Embarrassingly tears hard to control
Sobbing quietly
Picking tissue pieces after pieces
Hold onto to it

A kind gesture from a colleague
Swear to keep quiet
Willingly to lend a pair of listening ears
Thanking profusely yet choose to keep quiet

Reminded of the Bible
Beware of wagging tongues
Spread like wildfire
Being quiet and cry to my Lord


Inspiration On: Friday, 26 August 2016

I just want to do my best. I overlook the email that the customer sent to my higher management. My friend sees it and is scared so she scolds me. When I explain myself, she feels that I am being self-defensive. Oh no! I make the mistake. I don’t mean it to happen.

Decision

Given another choice
Offered counsel and help nearby house
Nothing else deter me
Choosing
Yesterday’s church
According to the Lord’s leading and comfort
Through dreams


Inspiration On: Sunday, 15 November 2015

A prayerful pastor to listen to my woes and problems; pray for me for the Lord’s will be done through me. She comforts me that it is kept confidential. I choose another church through God’s leading though I prefer smaller churches. Finally, I have the courage to confess the false accusations onto my son from his own dad. His pet fish’s death accused to my son. Until my son shouted to be wrongfully accused.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

God’s Presence

The joy in the Lord to feel His presence and joy despite my husband chooses not to answer my text message to join our son and him for dinner at a restaurant. Reading the book about Social Entrepreneurship and answering the ten questions make me laugh. It is the question of I receive a mentor. It is the Lord’s doing to meet my business mentor. I have been remembering my interactions with her and the recent way she replies. I thank her for contacting BL to encourage me. She didn’t and told me, “You always assume…..!” My response, “Aren’t you often assume too and jump to conclusions?” is enough to trigger her sound like a kid too. “Sounds like a kid arguing. I can debate with you! Give me a case and I will clear with you”. My question, “What case, lawyer?” Thinking of this makes me laugh again especially her denial of her own age is considered senior citizen. Siti also laughs.

Thanks for completing the token of appreciation to my business mentor and write little poetry based on the meaning of her name.

A brother in Christ WY to call me instead of I call him. I confess to him that I feel so remorseful and worst to let my parents suffer with me. It is due to I listen to them and without realizing I ignore the Lord’s small still voice. I share the long term business goal is to let mothers bring their children to workplace. When I hear from him that God will deal with my husband for not admitting his mistakes, I feel so upset with myself and it is too late. The dreams and confirmation from my business mentor and hear about my maid’s mother became a widow. But I have passed him into God’s hands. Strangely I am not as grieved as before. The brother is surprised of the job offer $15 for an hour for 18 hours of work. As the return, she let me use her space to work for my business. He is surprised of the little miracle and that my business goal is according to His kingdom. He prays for me. Then I immediately call the lady to accept her kind offer.

She explains again $15 per hour for 18 hours work per week due to budget issue. But now she needs 20 hours work per week to improve her sales. I understand. It begins on 16 November. She sounds anticipating my coming.

My business mentor to respond to my ‘Accuser & Spoilt’ poetry, “Sounds familiar”. Then she continues, “Just focus on seeking God and serve Him living out His will and purposes. God blesses you with supporting parents and siblings.”

Then I am reminded of the career consultant’s words whom she refers to me. “Oh ya. I remember that YA mentioned that I am at the disadvantage due to my qualifications are not from local universities. So taking projects is the alternative way with a business partner. Can I give you 50% of the paid project amount? At first, it is to be paid 50% deposit of the project amount. After receive 50% deposit, then start to do the project.”

“What project?” She wonders.

“Animation projects. And other kind of projects. When I do children’s book and animation for a company, I ask for 50% deposit then I start the work. Come to think of it. I remember that even the cofounder of a production company gets the 50% deposit first then start the work.”

“Who gave you the project?”

“Haven’t got it yet. I’m processing YA’s words. Before I got it from a friend and a company finds me from google. Networking session can help too. I’m in charge of the production and you are in charge of meeting people. I’ve been reminded of my secondary days. It is part of our services besides coming out own products.”

“Need to discuss to understand what you are trying to say.”

“Ok. Once the part time admin ends and give you a treat at the cafe in the same mall.”

Today, I just find out my helper has been practicing drawing using my son’s pencil. It breaks my heart. Since I have bought a dozen of different pencil grades, I sharpen a set of it to her. I hope she can earn a living through designing and sewing clothes when the time is ripe for her. I share her my experiences how I improve my drawings. Then I cater it according to her fashion designing skills. I copy manga drawing only to earn own style. Recently, I copy logo designs. It turns out so well. For her case, it is to copy clothing designs at home and the manga I show her. She looks so happy and I feel so happy if she can reach her potential. I share my previous full time work experiences as an admin to assist my ex-boss, accounts and shipping departments. After I my animation studies, I cover the admin who replaced me due to cancer operation. My boss and even the accountant wants to offer me the job. I feel bad to replace the one who replace me. She is entering into middle aged. My lady boss sends her message through the son. It is better for me to get a job somewhere else rather than stay in the small company without further career advancement. Strange for her to say so. However, I am reminded of a staff whom the lady boss told him to find another career due to no career advancement in her small company. That staff resigned and receive other job promotions with better pay. Life is strange. What does she sees in me? Is it the Lord’s love and favour? Even I wonder of an ex-colleague words who told me not to forget her. What does she sees in me?

Recent Memories

Recent Memories erupts
Recent memories hurts much
A child’s cry etched deeply

“Not me!”
“Not me!”
“I’m not the one who kills the fish!”

“Not me!”
“Not me!”
“I’m not the one who kills the fish!”

“Daddy is the one who reduced the water!”
“I don’t kill the fish!”
“Not me!”

Out of fear
Of my husband’s false accusation to occur
I comfort him
Hugging him
I’ve seen the truth
The one who lays hands on his pet fish is
His dad
Can sense my son calms down
The Lord hears his cries


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 28 October 2015 at 9:25pm

Strangely, I am reminded of the dream where my husband walks towards the coffin and stands besides it. However, the fear inside me is almost gone. Is God answering my prayer to take my life away after I fulfill my vow instead of Lih Shien? Why would God’s message spoke to me during my friend’s mother’s funeral wake keeps echoing? “Those who wants to die, can’t die. However, those who don’t want to die, will die.”

Favourite About Spring Season

Attraction to spring time
Is the
Atmosphere and the beauty of resurrection

Favourite about spring time
Is the
Finest and fittest season of life

Trees brings forth fruits
Animals are well fed
Flowers’ buds grow as all its petals open up

Humans live in comfort
Without fearing hot and cold
Enjoy the harvest of agriculture

Behold, the beauty of spring!


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 7 April 2015 at 12:30am

Megan has OCD posted about My Favorite Things about Spring sparked and birthed the first stanza of this poetry. The remaining poetry poured out as we converse about it. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Open Doors

Out of sudden
Open doors
Doors of opportunities
Are laid out
At my sight

Feeling lost
Analyse every door
Lost in confusion
Fear creeps in
Pray to the Lord
Seeking His guidance

All door close
Except one door
Glistening lights
Beaming out gradually
Out of that door
A pointing hand points into
That glistening door
Leading my path

A path I will be going
Without knowing this path
With my Lord’s protection and care
His rod and staff comfort me


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 16 July 2013 at 3:34am to 4:01am

As I was thinking of my career path, the first stanza’s image appeared in my mind. There have been so many companies are looking for a full-time employee. When I apply for another position according to my interest, fear crept in of many job confirmation replies. Later on, there was a notion to apply job and leave the rest to God. So I sent my resume to a few companies.