Delayed ADHD, autism diagnoses can hurt girls

Delayed ADHD, autism diagnoses can hurt girls article reminds me of happened and current situation. My mother and even friends give me honest feedback. I tend to jump from one topic to another topic. As stated in the article, Halvorson mentioned “It takes all of my energy to focus, and I find myself flying around from one thing to another”. I do so due to feel that the topic is related to the topic from past experiences. However, I have problems in creating the connection. Currently, I do get distracted a lot especially in my marriage life.

I agree with Halvorson that my experiences give me more empathy. I’m surprised from the C-Vat test that my empathy level is too high – 9 out of 10. It helps me in terms of relating to others.

I am interested to interact socially and receive the compliment of being a good listener. Because I tend to listen and very quiet. Though I try to communicate, I communicate more through actions and words. Liebe highlighted that girls with autism tend to have better underlying communication skills. They’re able to show empathy and social interest, which deflects easy diagnosis.

I have been attempting to fit in but having difficulty to do so. I embarassly admit that I don’t care about fashion. I love to feel comfortable with the way I wear. My business mentor cum business partner highlight that I don’t care how I look like. I am literal in the way I speak. But I don’t know whether I am blunt in the way I express. I have trouble in being assertive so I unknowingly let others cross into my boundary. Now, I thank the Lord to be more assertive.

Stuck

Opposing perspectives
Press against me
Blank my mind
Silence falls
Treating my silence as yes

Many perspectives
Encircle around me
Hang my system
Deep thinking create silence
Being misunderstood as yes

Pressed from five sides
Live for Christ, Household, workplace, church, friendship
Being stuck in the middle
Answer yes or no put me in the wrong
Everything seems to my disadvantages

Seeking the Lord for discernment
Learning to understand
Consult the Lord
Awaiting His intervention

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 14 June 2016

In the family, my parents often argue with each other. I often listen to my parents. Only receive slaps thrice at my butt. His bad temper scares me. Now I begin to understand myself and others. When both parties disagree based on their opinions, I feel stuck in the middle. Upon receiving Christ, I also feel stuck. I thank the Lordfor the people and the books He leads me to and even the things I do unknowingly. Now I learn to discern and the good and bad points from opposing perspectives and to learn to balance it. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Unbelievable Answered Limbo

Expecting communication skills guidance
Only to go through colour tests
Choosing the words that describe myself best
Listening to the instructions
Choosing the words in the cards describe me
Exchanging the cards not representing self with others
Return to respective seats

Coach instructs everyone
Count the most dominant colour cards
Thus I categorise and count
Arranging cards accordion to colour
Speechless with the colour card quantity
Four blue cards
Four green cards
Four yellow cards
Two red cards

Then he calls out those with most green cards
I lift up my hand
Explain green are yes people
Next he calls out the most blue cards
I lift up my hand
Explain blue are logical and negative people
The third call is the most yellow cards
I lift up my hand
Explain yellow are imaginative cheerful people
Fourth is red cards
My hand is on the table
He questions my red cards
Only two cards

Privately share my perspective of a map
Look like a flying bird to the coach
Due to I hear everybody answers America
Do I see wrongly?
Assures me
Nothing wrong with me
Due to belong to yellow card
Sudden revelation I tend to see things
In the bigger picture
An unbelievable answered limbo
The reason I don’t feel a sense of belonging

Inside my mind
Questions and wondering
What is God doing in my life?
Is God revealing about myself?
In the system training
My cell member’s questions are answered
Prepared to give her answer and informs her
Then I rush to the bathroom

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 27 April 2016

The communication workshop enables me to understand myself better. I just need to make sure the words in the cards describe me clearly. Huh? Suddenly, I’m surprised that my most cards are red, green and blue. Basically, I have four cards for each green, blue and yellow. And two red cards. I’m surprised to hear from the Lumina coach that I am well-balanced. That’s not what I want to hear. Then he forces us to choose one card out of all cards. I choose the yellow card, “my imagination leads me to no sense of reality”. However, the ideas have been executed and workable to solve the problem because I am a quiet person. So the coach separates us according to our colour choice. CMF is standing at the green whereas I stand at the yellow. However, the coach explains that I’m everywhere and well-balanced. I feel so sad to be separated from my friend. I share to the coach privately that I see American map as the bird. Hoping to understand myself. He reveals that I think of the bigger picture. I feel speechless because I can’t believe myself about myself.

In the system training and e-appraisal workshop, the person in charge explains how to use the system and welcome questions. My cell member’s question is answered. The transaction can be seen from system website seeing yesterday’s transactions.

Thank God for the courage to speak out and ask another colleague about IT and media department. She asks my experiences so I share from IT and arts background. I study in information system. However, due to my curiousity I manage to repair computer. When I ask about media department, my colleague reveals it is under marketing advertisement department. Suddenly, CMF rebukes me not to say such things unless I have a close friend in that department. That sends me an unhappy signal. Afterwards, I send message to her whether she is unhappy with me. She clarifies that she is concerned of me. In the lift, she carries my bag to see its weight. She mentions it is heavy and asks the things I bring. It is sketchbook, pencils, purse, cards, iPad and other miscellaneous stuffs.

The peace at the cell group meeting with SS, Lita, J and PL. I inform my cell member on the cut off date and viewing transaction. Glad for the peaceful clarification of declaring God’s Words to PM. Her questions are answered during continuing the Bible Study titled Spirit Soul and Body. After Josephine shares her husband and her unhappiness with her mother in law, I begin to share about Internet service provider issue and maid issue with my husband. My cell leader immediately assumes and pronounces her judgment to let my son takes shower by himself. I can sense it is pointless to explain. I feel so overpowered. In the end, I choose to shut my mouth. Because they don’t fully listen. So I just ask for prayer for the maid’s issue.

As we walk towards the carpark, my cell leader holds my left hand. My cell leader apologises that they don’t understand me well enough because we just get along since last October. Apology is accepted. It’s not the time to speak it out first. Appreciate for the cell leader’s leader gives us a lift to the nearby train station.

On my way home, suddenly I receive an email from CMF asking, “Where are you?” That causes my imagination runs wild. Do I make a mistake again? Or is she trying to clarify herself?

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Attitude from Actions

Dump fried noodles into the rubbish bin
Obvious of such wastage
Explain through body gesture
No food wastage is allowed
Still she throws her own meal

Give her rice
She cooks and consumes noodle
Give her noodle
She cooks and eats rice
Give her dishes
Only to be left untouched

The drawer of neatly organised bowls
Turn into a mess
Bowls are arranged untidily
Things are lost
Placed elsewhere
Instead of being put into its original position

The one who look up to himself
Able to communicate to her
Found the lost bathroom slippers
Tell him to ask her diets
That is the suggestion from an elderly
Letting the person eats own words

Through such actions
Inside feel uncomfortable with such person
Her actions gives the sense of
Bad attitude
Attitude is shown through actions

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Inspiration On: Friday, 4 March 2016

The new maid (from another country) throws the fried noodle given to her. What type of food does she eats? We can’t communicate due to different countries. As the employer, my family stand of point is to befriend the new maid and provide her a good working environment. However, the actions prove different. We give her rice, she chooses to cook and eat noodle for her meal. When we give her noodle, she cooks and eats rice. Give her dishes, she doesn’t eat. My dad suggests to me to tell my husband about it. Since my husband is the one who chooses the maid from another country, let him does the talking. When I ask the maid where she keeps all the bathroom slippers, she doesn’t understand my gesture. However, when my husband asks, she understands and brings the slipper.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

P.S. I choose not to name the maid’s country of origin because different types of people exist in every race and country.

Sudden Confidence

Resolving to help
By guiding the helped
Learn to do himself

Eyes screen the failed assignment
Only to faint at its sight
Understand the teacher’s confusion

Ring the helped
Clarify the matter
Understand his app business Cashflow

Convince him with my apps portfolio
Assisting an app developer
Then he believes

No choice to guide the helped
Explain the mistakes to correct and tidy it
Let him understand the teacher’s perspectives

My mission is accomplished
Sense of fulfillment seeps in again
Realizing I am being . . . too soft again!

Marveled by the sudden
Confidence and communication skill
Due to having a hard time to assist in app development

Thanks be to my Lord and Saviour
Listening to my prayers
Enabling me to do so

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 11 February 2016

I need to look at my classmate’s financial Cashflow assignment. The teacher tells him that he does it wrongly. I don’t understand why. I check my email and open his excel spreadsheet. I am immediately shocked of Zl’s financial Cashflow statement. I don’t understand what is he doing. Though he says he attends the first Cashflow statement class, he does the format wrongly. No wonder the teacher tells him to redo. I feel so speechless by his untidiness and lack of understanding. I call him to clarify and to understand his business idea. He thinks I don’t know about Apps business. Then I tell him that I ever assist an app developer to produce two game apps. I have passed and received my certificate. He sounds shocked. I explain that app programmer and app designer are under app developer. As I explain, I write the required edited part. Marketing can be included. Web developer is also necessary to develop the website. I’m eating my own words again! I say to myself to guide him and let him do the work. In the end, I clear his mess. •_• Hmm, I’m surprised I can speak so confidently and clearly. I thank my Lord and Saviour to enable me and strengthen this weak autistic to learn to communicate. May be I can assist IM? How is he doing now? Seems that I work better with senior citizens.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Public Speaking?

Too bad to miss the earlier session of a workplace class due to fetching my son from the school bus. After lunch, I rush to the workplace agency for the Learning & Networking Fair. Upon reaching the place, I am confused that it is not a workshop. I only see an opened door where there are booths of companies awaiting to search for talents. So I prayerfully approach selectively to focus on the areas I have some and more experiences. Amazing and praise the Lord to have the media company. So I approach them to explain about my freelance experiences dealing with analytical, conceptual translated into design skills. I’m surprised they would like to have my resume. Oh no! Thank God that they are anticipating for my resume.

In the ‘Connecting with Multi-Generational Workplace’ Programme, it is time for every table is assigned with an exercise to brainstorm 10 ideas on enabling the older generations to connect with the younger generations. There are three senior citizens whom I sit together. We brainstorm the ideas together and I enjoy sharing my ideas based on my experiences. They laughingly appointed me to be their representative speaker. I feel so speechless and reluctant. Reluctantly I accept the responsibility. I feel so small and inexperienced to do so. However, I enjoy listening to other groups presenting their ideas. When it is my groups turn, I stand up, read the idea points and share my experiences. Those are my experiences working in the ex-shipping company and at home to handle my 5 years old son. I feel my joy to share the good points mum does to share to Huey and also the good points he does to stand up from his chair and let my mum to sit because she is old. Huh? The speaker mentions my name to have the best point in the way to communicate and connect. The picture that often dwells in my head is of a pet dog who cares for everyone and listens to everyone. I just love to listen to people.

At the end of the Programme, one of the senior citizen named Virginia invites me to her toastmaster. I feel that toastmaster sounds familiar but I can’t remember it’s meaning. Virginia mentions it is the place to practice public speaking. I am shocked and full of questions. What is God doing in my life? It is enough to push my button to ask the speaker for help in my communication skills. I am so thankful for the speaker to lead me to the website for the government course to improve my communication skills.

I feel upset to hear from my business mentor that she leaves the library. I don’t have the opportunity to meet her. In the end, I go to the library at the third floor. After I borrow the networking videos, I come out of the library to look for a seat to have my dinner. While I am having my dinner, someone confronts me gently whether I’m from another country. I’m not. She explains the library doesn’t allow to consume food. Huh? I thought I’m outside the library to have a sit. So I hurriedly finish my packed dinner. Then I observe the notice board that the sitting area is still considered the library vicinity. Oh no! And there is a camera. I’m really sorry, Lord. I didn’t mean to do so. My imagination runs wild of being caught. I don’t want to be caught and trouble my business mentor to rescue me. And I don’t want to be labelled as an autistic who misunderstand social cues. I want to be treated as normal human.

So I rush to the networking event my (business mentor introduced) around Tanjong Pagar. My feet are aching to wear the ladylike working flat cream colour shoes. All along I have been wearing boots. Most probably I am a social misfit girl who is struggling to grow up in terms of looking professional. I believe in the Word of God that He cares the inner character values compared to exterior. So I attempt to live out His Words without quoting His Words. My busines mentor’s feedback to wear professionally is essential in business. My beautiful philosophical writings and her view of me in person show a great inconsistency. In person, I look like a big kid in terms of my clothing and verbal speech. Now, I am learning to dress professionally for the sake of God, my family and son.

Mustering my courage, prayerfully I introduce myself and explain that I am a startup looking for partnership and volunteers. That’s what my business mentor taught me to say. This is so humbling due to financial and human resources limitations. I feel so embarrassed of myself to say so. It’s great to meet creative people and the connection with them. My lost self being begin to rejuvenate. A westerner compliments my style of coat. Thank God for the flowness of the speech. When it is getting late, I wave goodbye to them and rush home. All I can do is to pray to the Lord after I do my part.