Assert Reasonably

Pissed off to be the door mat
Often respect others’ boundaries
Upset towards myself
Letting others overstep into my boundaries

Speak up
Assert myself
Waking up the selfish
Letting them to be more considerate


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 3 February 2016

A staff from a learning hub calls to inform me that I make a mistake to claim from the government subsidy. I tick on the wrong tick box that state ‘to company’. I should tick the ‘individual’ section. This is so embarrassing so I quickly cancel the previous claim and submit a new claim for individual. I feel so grateful.

Barely surviving the day with my son again.

The imagination play in my head about the kindness of a baby story for my son to listen. He enjoys listening to it.

My parents return to home from overseas trip.

Glad to wake up at 7am and rush my son to take school bus I learn to speak up to assert the pickup point. Inside I feel better after I assert myself on the bus pickup point and to choose on the food that has lesser burnt parts for dinner. Does the chef ever consider on the consumer’s health issue? The burnt parts can cause large intestine cancer. My uncle often ate such burnt parts and end with large intestine cancer. So the best resolution is to avoid such food. Alternatively, slice away the burnt parts.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

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Mistakes After Mistakes

Lose observation skills
Misinterpret English instruction
Doing more than the required
Misunderstood her with previous client

Clouds of confusion
Clears with straightforward explanation
Only to realize
Being valued and trusted

Grief of being misunderstood
For high pay when I don’t ask for high pay
Doing nothing when I stoned
Due to arguing with my husband

That shows
My mental condition need to strengthen
Feed more in God’s Words
To strengthen my mental agility

Humble myself
Go for autism diagnosis
Open my mouth to seek help
Understand myself to manage myself


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 2 December 2015

I wish to tell my business mentor that my mum prays for someone to guide me in Singapore. I’m surprised the Lord hears her inner heart. Lord, please grant me the wisdom how to say it. Suddenly, I communicate with my mum via WhatsApp. I remind her about her words to have someone to guide me. I don’t even realize it much earlier. I tell her that the person is my business mentor and she appears before she prays about it. She is so silent about it.

“Why don’t you tell me?” She asks me. Then she continued, “You should tell me to save time.”

“When I tell my previous client his drawing is awful, he forces me to follow his.” I remember the past abuse.

She justifies herself, “I’m not him. You are taking it the wrong side of extreme.” That jolts me. Oh no! What happen to me? Why is the past haunting me? I’m awaiting the encounter session on Saturday and Sunday. I can’t stand such wrong perception.

Her two hands cover her face on the table. That posture reminds me of my business mentor’s posture at a school. Why? Why am I like this?

She explains the reason she passes her office key to me is her trust to me and let me do my work there. She clarifies that she values my expertise. She understands that I can’t put my things at the mobile office space. Therefore, she lets me use her space. When she needs creative work, she can find me and pay me for the work I have done. She values me as a business woman. I feel so valued. Furthermore, I feel so appreciative of her honesty as a friend, a client and an employer. Normally, she can get $12 per hour freelancers who are lacking experience. She pays me $15 per hour to value my expertise and professionalism. So she feels that we can’t work together anymore and she chooses to hire other freelancers. When I share this to mum and compare her with IC, I can sense her to be a good boss. She compliments me and appreciate my effort. When I do right, she compliments me. When I make a mistake, she gently explains herself repetitively. Her patient tone, “please, please, please” helps me to observe my wrong understanding of her words in WhatsApp. It is such simple words. How can I understand it wrongly? This is frightening. She can’t accept my apologies anymore. This is not so right. O Lord, please enable me to do what is right.

Though I feel slightly sad, I send her WhatsApp message on my way home, “I’m sorry to get confused. I value you also as a businesswoman. I look up to you in the way you manage the part-timers. I will just count the photo cleaning job. As a part-timer, I also need guidance.” I can understand she doesn’t want to shortchange me. There is no reply from her. Through this, I feel very frustrated with the devil. A strange black bald head with large eyeballs look at me hideously. Inside, I get so angry and kick that creature away.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Autism Assessment

An encouragement to go for
Professional autism assessment
Delays
Until I don’t want to hurt others unintentionally
Until I want to be helped and able to help others
Another one encourages me to assess
Then they can help

Business mentor highlights
So that I can manage myself better
That sentence strikes me to
Actions
To be independent

Two people encourage
Many encouragement thus
There is an inner
Courage to go for assessment
Explain to the doctor
My condition
My communication issue
My friends’ hard time to understand me


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 1 December 2015

Since my friend/boss hasn’t returned to Singapore and tells me to wait, I use the time to go to polyclinic. There is also polyclinic near the office. I reach office first to switch the aircon to maintain the clothes. Then I rush there. The registration counters open at 1:30pm. After registration, I see the doctor and repeat the written WhatsApp message, “may I have a referral to a qualified psychologist who can help me with autism diagnostic assessment?”. So that I can speak clearly. Then she asks many questions and my preference hospital. I have no preference so she assigns me to IMH. I can’t accept IMH so I request for another hospital nearer to central. A government hospital is the other selected hospital. I feel so relieved because I don’t want to have a mental labeling.

Then I have the courage to share my reflections to my business mentor. I realize my autism is worse after I get married. She questions, “Then how could you able to compare that your autism is worse after marriage.” After many reflections, I compare my current found out condition with my condition before marriage.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Sudden Courage

Pretend not see
Someone who cheats my money
Persuaded me to sign contract to pay him
Playing my naivety

Only to realize
Useless to be fearful and runs away from
Such person

Crying from inside to
My Lord and Saviour
Seeking for help

Amazing courage to look at
That person in the eyes
And walk away

Marvel at the immediate response
To certain situation
The more I need the Lord in my weaknesses


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 11 November 2015 at 8:45pm

I thank the Lord to hear my cry to Him because I see someone (who cheated my hard-earned money) from behind and pretend not to see him. Amazingly, there is an immediate courage towards him when I bump to him. I am surprised to look him at eyes and walk away.

Meeting a classmate. Glad to meet him after I coincide the one who cheated my money. My classmate explains to me how to tap on government funding. Then he encourages me in my confidence to nail down on the creative section strength I can focus on. He knows my business values. He also shares his experiences to complete his own projects. It is good to attend free workshop to complete own projects. Very true. I thank the Lord to have my classmate around. Phew. I am amazed how God let me focus on the real starting out creative people I coincide with.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Muster Courage to ask for help

Today, I meet my scriptwriter group and go for lunch at Old Town White Coffee. I appreciate their kind understanding for me to bring my own lunch. The reason is to save money for the animation production costs.

Thankful for the Old Town White waiter to give me disposable spoon and chopsticks when he observes I bring my own lunch. Actually, I bring vegetables. Then I intend to have noodle at nearby cafe. So that it will not cost me a lot for lunch. After we have lunch, I go to the cafe for the noodle and the staff gives me a discount.

Even I would like thank my business mentor to welcome me to her house. It takes me a great deal to muster courage to ask for her help to relieve my perpetual chronic migraine. I also remember her words to invite me to her house for haircut.

Really thank God for such good people and I appreciate their kindness. Thank You, Jesus. This is a great testimony to share.

Constant Nagging

A constant nagging
Deep inside
To finish a task

A constant nagging
Deep inside
Convicting own sin

A constant nagging
Deep inside
To avoid sin again

A constant nagging
Deep inside
To stay away from certain places.

A constant nagging
Deep inside
To do what is right.

A constant nagging
Deep inside
To stop living in the past

A constant nagging
Deep inside
To move forward with courage.


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 15 May 2013 at 8:21pm
Inspiration Ends On: Saturday, 18 May 2013 at 1:35am

I wonder with the sudden words speaking to my mind, “A constant nagging”. Finally, the words flowed out.

Embarking On

Embarking on
A dangerous quest
A dangerous journey
Into
A dark heinous cave.

Outside the cave
Six black crows gawk
Standing on the wire pole
An ominous sign
Fear creeps in
Palm perspires
Racing heartbeats
Thumping heartbeats
Panic arise
Questioning
“Should I continue?”
“Should I enter?”

Seconds . . .
Minutes . . .
Hours . . .
Have passed.
Gathering courage
To enter
A dark heinous cave
Full of cobwebs
Full of bats
Full of booby traps.

Passing through
Those dangerous traps
And see
A bright and shiny
Gold coins.
Carefully and slowly
Execute the procedures
As stated in the book.

Then
Passing through
Those dangerous traps again.
Leaving the
Dark heinous cave
As the
Six black shiny crows
Standing
Looking at
The black passing shadow
The shadow of the
Anonymous man.


Inspiration On: Friday, 22 February 2013 at 7:25pm
Inspiration Ends On: Tuesday, 26 February 2013 at 8:40pm

It began with, “Embarking on
A dangerous quest
A dangerous journey into dungeon”. Upon writing it down, gradually other words also flowed out completing the blanks as the pictures in my mind moves.