Assert Boundary

Assert own boundary proves health to
One’s energy
One’s emotion
One’s psychological
One’s spiritual
One’s financial resources
Losing oneself

Overstretch own’s strength
Cause loss of focus
Lack of concentration
Letting the evil overpowers
Awaiting physical death
Like Elijah asked the Lord to leave the earth
Seeking restitution and wisdom from God


Inspiration On: Friday, 4 March 2016

I feel so frustrated for mum to last minute telling me that she and my brother go to Johor Bahru. She tells me to give up on my tomorrow’s intercessor prayer service. I tell her abruptly that I have written down my schedule on her calendar. Why must she does so? She shared her most recent case. She didn’t go to church for the worship singing due to realizing my son’s fever increased. Angrily I leave house to library to concentrate in my work and job search. I also pray to the Lord to stop all these obstacles. I am willing to forgive her as the Lord has forgiven me. I message to my cell leaders and members. I feel bad and grateful for them to understand my situation.

Inside I feel awful. My family members care for me with their own ways. They still claim they understand me. In fact, they don’t understand me at all. Now I can feel from the perspective of a child who wants to protect own parents. Instead of listening to God, the child chooses to listen to own parents out of too much care. In the end, own spiritual, emotional, psychological and financial resources drain drastically. This can’t protect own’s parents, son and loses myself. Henry Cloud is right to put a boundary to assert oneself. Now I remember NTH’s warning. She shared a real life case. The evil one can take advantage of God’s servant who has soft hearts. In the end, the evil one able to overpower those who follow Jesus. Suddenly, the proverbs “beat the grass and startle the snake” comes alive. Do I startle the snake? I thought I am being to direct to my mother in law to stop her from sowing discords.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

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Recent Memories

Recent Memories erupts
Recent memories hurts much
A child’s cry etched deeply

“Not me!”
“Not me!”
“I’m not the one who kills the fish!”

“Not me!”
“Not me!”
“I’m not the one who kills the fish!”

“Daddy is the one who reduced the water!”
“I don’t kill the fish!”
“Not me!”

Out of fear
Of my husband’s false accusation to occur
I comfort him
Hugging him
I’ve seen the truth
The one who lays hands on his pet fish is
His dad
Can sense my son calms down
The Lord hears his cries


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 28 October 2015 at 9:25pm

Strangely, I am reminded of the dream where my husband walks towards the coffin and stands besides it. However, the fear inside me is almost gone. Is God answering my prayer to take my life away after I fulfill my vow instead of Lih Shien? Why would God’s message spoke to me during my friend’s mother’s funeral wake keeps echoing? “Those who wants to die, can’t die. However, those who don’t want to die, will die.”

Digged Out Memories

Oh no! Today, I am nervous awaiting for the bus. In fact, I should leave house at 7:30am. My migraine is aching a lot. In the end, I reach around 9am instead of 8:30am. YY is so concerned to tell me to leave by 5pm because she doesn’t want me to be locked in the office. Then she gently explain to me to inform her if I have problem reaching office by 8:30am.

JWF to ask me about the photo cleaning editing to erase the mannequin wearing the clothes. She needs help in this area.

While I am doing the part-time admin job, I feel pressured on my deadline to fulfill my vow unto the Lord. What is He doing in my life? BL gives her feedback about my animation script is full of grammar errors and the story is not enough. She introduces ‘The Lorax” and to read other children’s book. The good feedback from my screenwriters are not according to her standard. However, I keep quiet about being scouted by a hollywood screenwriter for my high concept. Then she reveals that she works in an advertising agency and has worked on scriptwriting. That’s amazing. Then she mentions that Vincent and I make her worried. So she wants to help me. I don’t understand which part of my speech sounds defensive to her. However, I appreciate her kind gesture. I see the Lord doesn’t give up on me. Does my business mentor contacts BL about me? I wonder. I feel like saying thank you to her.

The way CW does make me worried. I ask him not to send the logo picture using GJ’s and LS’a names. I appreciate his concern. He is angry due to his dad creates logo competition in Jakarta. Thus I explain to him that’s not the way to do so. Let God does the judging though WA has prejudices towards him. Maybe yes maybe no.

Strangely, I am reminded of my husband besides the coffin dream without much fear anymore. Is God answering my prayer to take my life away after I fulfill my vow instead of my husband? Why would God’s message spoke to me during a friend’s mother’s funeral wake keeps echoing? “Those who wants to die, can’t die. However, those who don’t want to die, will die.”

During dinner, my mum keeps on telling me to listen to her ways to read the Bible at night. She can only say her own opinions. “Why can’t you immediately wake up?” Inside my heart, I just want God’s Words to fill my heart and mind. Then I am surprised with my reply to her. Then you try to walk in my shoes. Before my migraine, I can wake up immediately. Ever since my migraine begins, it’s hard for me to immediately wake up. She keeps on asking whether the chronic migraine began during chiropractic. I can’t remember. All she does is jump to conclusion that it is chiropractic. She concludes not to find chiropractic. Inside my heart, I am filled with many questions of life. Why does she blames the doctor?

Do I or Do I Not?

Do I matter?
Or do I not matter?

Only to be a door mat
Or to be a floor mat

Is my dream unacceptable?
Only to be overwritten
Opinions are given to me to be listened

Is my voice unheard?
Due to my softness

My mind wanders
Aimlessly in the clouds

My legs wanders
Aimlessly between house and outside

Do I matter?
Or do I not matter?


Inspiration On: Sunday, 1 March 2015 at 4:20am to 4:34am

Driven by the strong feelings of depression, I begin to question my existence. Questioning the reason of me being alive instead of my eldest sister who is more intelligent then I do. Her intelligence and strong absorption in learning are praised by my parents. And I know I am slow. Hence, I do my best in my studies. Escaping deaths thrice plus twice. I feel so tired of living and being taken advantage. Do I able to succeed to contribute to my family financially? Thank you for your time to read this poetry. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Egg Cracks

An egg cracks open and out a baby crocodile
The carer feeds it food daily
Day by day the crocodile grows in size and length
Into a large and strong crocodile 
Day by day the carer’s hair turns grey to white

On a sunny day
The growling crocodile observes its carer’s feeble walk
Chomping the last food
Tears roll down its eyes
Filled with pity
Carer goes near it to comfort

BITE!

Blood drips out of the carer’s stomach
Losing strength to breathe his last
As the crocodile watches the tragic sight happily
Feeding the carer as its last meal
Without realizing the carer is its master

Since then, the crocodile’s stomach growls daily
No more food
Days passed 
It closes its eyes for the last time


Inspiration On: Friday, 2 January 2014 from 1:30pm to 2pm

An ungrateful crocodile visual poetry appeared in my dream. It speaks a meaningful story to me to be careful of crocodile tears. A few times, I have falled into prey and I need to beware and to share this to you all. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Body Donation

This incurable sickness
Hurts me
This incurable sickness
Affects others

Mentally
Physically
Spiritually

If donate own body
To assess and study
This incurable sickness
Enable the doctors to
Cure others with
This incurable sickness
Save others’ lives with
This incurable sickness
Why not donate own body?
Donate own body
Donate . . .
. . . . . . . . . own . . .
. . . . . . . . . body . . .
. . . . . . . . .


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 10 September 2013 at 7:16pm to 7:23pm

My heart is touched with Al’s response with his body once he leaves this world. He is Terry Shepherd’s brother who is under her care for his Parkinson disease. Her post can be viewed at http://terry1954.wordpress.com/2013/09/09/i-was-not-prepared/ . This poetry is dedicated to them as I put myself in Al’s shoes. Six years ago, I ever signed organ donation form if I pass away. Once our soul leaves our body, the body will either be cremated or buried. Rather than waste it away, why not use it to thank the Lord for this body and bless others’ lives.

Depression vs Jealousy

Depressed
Demon
Whispers
Suicide thoughts
As solution
Leading to
Eternal death

Jealousy
Demon
Shouts
LASH
As solution
Leading to
Destruction


Inspiration On: Friday, 19 July 2013 from 1:30am to 8:04pm

While conversing on the phone about my friend’s plight who didn’t talk about her husband’s mother’s doings to her husband, this poetry birthed out about my friend and her mother in law. Though she can’t believe her mother in law has possessive mental problem.