Grateful for Acceptance

Cell member points to the library
On the parents and health section
On parenting, autism and dyslexia
Thus it remind of my past patron to
Parenting sections

Cell leader shows the meaning of true humility
Assuring my heart to feel
Sense of acceptance
Sense of belonging
In the community of God’s family

The cell leader and cell member have
Loud voices
Through their mouths
Can see their kind hearts
Committed to our Lord Jesus Christ


Inspiration On: Sunday, 21 February 2016

My son wants to play snake and ladder with me together. I enjoy the play. On the second round, I play until I am falling asleep half way. Many times he wakes me up and encourages me to nap on bed. During brushing teeth at night, he wants me to let him do by himself. I rebuke him for slouching on the sofa behind my back. Immediately, he points that my husband is slouching. I am surprised for my answer, “Does it mean people eat poo, you also eat poo?” He is speechless. While it is time to talk with his grandma (my mother in law), he presses the loudspeaker again. That irritates my husband and he quickly switches it off.

The meaning of scarecrow makes me question about fierce looking people. My two secondary school teachers and even my art school lecturer in creative writing look fierce. However, they show their gentle eyes to me. I also remember my business mentor’s gentle eyes and expressions to me. The fierce looks of my parents, ex-boss, Japanese actor (whom my mum idolize acting as bad guy) are just a false sight. My dad is right that we can tell from the eyes. How is scarecrow related to fierce people?

In the end, I ask Uncle WY about it, “Uncle WY, what do you understand about scarecrow? Does it symbolize anything good or bad?”

“Hello Yoshiko, a ‘scarecrow’ is just a figure, with man’s clothes or a statue which farmers put in the fields amongst the crops to scare away the birds or crows which come to feed on the crops! Dat is why its called a ‘scarecrow’! But to little children it may mean something ‘evil’ from the stories they have read of the ‘scarecrow’,” he explains simply.

More questions boil within my thoughts, “Oh I see. Does it signify any meaning? Good or bad meaning? What I understand about scarecrow is: Later on, the crows found out it is not a real person so they step on the scarecrow. Its ending is burnt with fire.”

“Hey Yoshiko, in the farmer’s idea, the scarecrow will help the farmer to scare away the crow. But crows are very intelligent n after awhile(maybe a few days) will know its only dummy n may even sit on it in poo on it!! Haaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaa. unc WY,” he replies patiently.

He ends with, “And then the farmer may burn it in fire n the farmer may come up with other ways to keep the crows away?? unc WY.”

“Oops before i zzz Yoshiko. Sometimes the farmer employ men with rifles to shoooot these pesky crows. unc WY,” he ends it.

Strange to suddenly think of an idea in an opposite way, “Could it be human pretending to be scarecrow to attract them. Then when the crows don’t realize it, the human inside the scarecrow kills them. Is this possible too?”

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

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Favour in Unfavourable Situations

Guidance in
Caring my son
Cooking food
Resume writing

Through my parents and the people
The Lord has put in my lives
My heart is filled with gratitude
Towards my Lord Jesus and the people

Courage enters into my heart
Humble myself
Willingly admit my son’s condition
Seeking help on his behalf


Inspiration On: Thursday, 18 February 2016

Thank God and appreciate my mum to wake my son up with me and send him for school bus. She guides me in cooking methods and instructs me to buy collimix for my son to have better appetite. I listen and buy it for my son’s sake. Indeed, he feels better and has the appetite to eat his food after he wakes up. She explains the need of antibiotics to heal my son’s fever.

Amazing courage from the Lord to admit and confess to my cell group that my son has dyslexia. Oh no! I need to bring him to psychologist for assessment. It hurts me whenever I think of answering the dyslexia app questions. Lord, please give me confirmation from his school teacher.

FX (career coach) has edited the soft copy of my resume in a better layout. However, the downloaded edited resume (with the layout she does) words space disappear. Then the idea comes to open the resume I sent her and edit according to the part she edits. Thank God for her to have such ideas.

Thank God to answer my prayer and my cell members pray for His favour for a good general practitioner doctor. He explains the importance and good points of antibiotics to my husband. It is just to be taken for five days. Virus is likened to a lion whereas bacteria is like the running dog. Many doctors forget its benefits. That’s enough to shut his one-sided biases.

The “draw it out” words on the recent dragon dream keep echoing. Lord, should I draw it out? I take a heavy illustrated poems to read to my son. He answers that it is meant for him when he is bigger. So I ask which character he likes most. He points to an awful dragon illustration. I am shocked. How can there be a coincidence? Strangely, I am reminded of the article that autistic and dyslexia prove to be good combination. Oh no! Oh no! What should I do, Lord?

The resume that I need to send to education ministry has been completed and the time is up for me to send to education ministry. So I have to shower, take dinner and bring my son to see the doctor for complete healing. Why is this always happening, Lord? Why is sending resume for jobs are always being disturbed?

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Let Go

Cell leader shares
Her struggles to let go her husband
Who was in sickness beyond measure

Struggle with God
Regarding my husband
Stops

Let go
And
Let God

All struggle ends
Time to rise up from denial
Embrace the truth


Inspiration On: Saturday, 13 February 2016

When I am at LT’s house for Lohei, cell leader shares her about her husband who passed away. The doctor mentioned that his sickness was beyond cure, she was still holding onto him. In the end, she learns to let go and let God makes the decision. Next day, he passed away and with the Lord. She feels depressed. I keep quiet and feel speechless. I also let God make the decision. My struggle reaches to the end.

Then it is the turn to visit my house and I need to lead the way. In the MRT, cell leader explains the importance for my son to learn to let go of the umbrella. She doesn’t ask the happenings in my son’s life when he was 3 years and 4 years old. She thinks lightly of it. I feel speechless of humans to really sit down and listen rather than giving advises non-stoply. I appreciate my husband to prepare five pieces of Hong Bao with $8 in each. My cell member Jy reaches my house first due to her children need the toilet. She shares that he smiles during his talk. That’s good. However, I already know his true colours. So I keep quiet. He goes out to have lunch. All children play with Huey happily. Suddenly, Jy personally asks me how I meet my husband. Embarrassingly, I admit it is my home church friends who matchmake. I don’t want to go for the matchmake session. I admit that I go for it to make my mum happy. Then she asks whether he gives money to my parents. Ashamedly, I admit he doesn’t give. I’m the one who gives whenever there is job. The house first payment I come out the money besides of him. After married, he has been paying for it. Everybody is leaving soon. Suddenly, my room door is locked. After I investigate the matter, Huey locks my room door.

Then we rush to my cell leader’s house with taxi. I sit in the same taxi with LT and IL. Irene explains the need for me to immediately strikes the iron while it is hot. It is the importance to speak to my son about locking my room door and let him reflect on his behaviour. It helps for him to write it in a reflection book so that he can keep tracks of it. She has a point. The taxi reaches cell leader’s house. LT pays for the taxi fare when I want to pay my share. I feel uncomfortable about it.

Upon returning home, my parents give me a share of their food. I feel so grateful. I find out that my mum’s opinion is not listened by my husband in caring our son in his slight fever. She means that my son shouldn’t take shower, just wipe body. However, my husband gives him shower. My mum cooks porridge for him. She purposely advises him to eat it for dinner and let my husband hears. My husband goes out and buys noodle from food court. This is too much. Does he cares our son’s well being?! This saddens her. There is a sudden idea to tell my mum to speak the opposite way in order to make my husband to do the way that is according to our son’s well-being. I know that she cares my son’s well-being. I know my husband well that he tends to purposely do the other way in order to get back at her. This is too much. Nobody in the cell knows this. I feel ashamed of his doings. At night, mum advises me not to let my son shower. Then he comes out of the room and says the same thing. I also choose not to let my son to take shower. I prepare his medication. My husband speaks as if he is a know it all. This is so saddening. Suddenly, he says that he is going to dentist to repair his tooth tomorrow.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Reality Discovery

Wanting to repeat
School dance and singing
To let me see tomorrow
Not to let my friends watch
Only want to let me see

Inside my heart I feel so privileged
Joy bumps in my heart and mind
Wishing he can do so to Jesus

Time for bed
Mouth continuously opens
Talking incessantly
Repeating his question repetitively
Coming down from his bed

No peace of mind
Steam rises out of my head
Raising my voice to him to sleep

Share the reason he refuses to welcome
A younger boy to his bed
Due to being pushed and knocked his head
Chooses not to fight back
Caring towards younger than him

Instantly compliment his good behaviour
Encourage him to tell me earlier
Comforted of his kindness

As he closes his eyes and mouth
Peaceful reflections run through my mind
Dawns upon me the hurts and pains
In same experiences
In same responses

Speechless
Better self understanding
Lead to understand my son better


Inspiration On: Friday, 12 February 2016

I’m happy for my son just want to sing and dance for me to see. I wish he can do so for Jesus. Oh, it’s so irritating for my son to be so talkative before sleep until I lose my temper. He repeats that he dislikes a younger toddler named Namur because Namur pushed him until his skull hurts. Suddenly, Mr. Peabody and Sherman animation comes to my mind. I also remind him of Sherman with the girl who bullied him. Then they become good friends. In conclusion, I point to him that he has a good heart not to take revenge. I’m attempting to encourage his kind behaviour. Inside my heart, I feel so thankful to God and feel comforted. Suddenly, the Lord opens my eyes to understand myself. After I was pushed by my husband, a few days later I tell to my parents. I thought they know. They are shocked of me not telling them earlier. Oh no! I don’t wish my son to be bullied. I need to take note of him. Though he can exaggerate, his sensitivity level is high as mine. This is a shocking self discovery, realization and reality.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Learn from Mistake

Reduce time loss
Learning from mistake
Grateful to barely survive
Humbled to seek
Prayers from cell group


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 2 February 2016

Oh no! I wake up at 7:30am. I didn’t hear the alarm rings. Immediately, I wake my five years old son up many times. He requests me again to carry him out of the bed. I slightly raise my voice. He goes down his bed. Rushing him like a mad puppy. Thank God to settle everything in 15 minutes and punctual for the school bus.

Instead of bringing him out for lunch, I choose to pack lunch and dinner home before he returns and during his nap time. That saves me a lot of time so I can do my work and submit it via email. BL puts a deadline that I need to complete my CV by this Thursday. I feel so pressured to edit it but appreciate it. Lord, please help me!

In the end, I choose to inform my cell group members for prayers and to be honest about my situation. My parents are returning tomorrow night. Oh yeah, I need to explain that I am bartering service with a startup.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Barely Survive

RING! RING!
Alarm rings
Immediate awake
Rush to my son to wake up
Request to be carried
Brain is boiling!
Again request to be carried
Hot steam blows out of my head
Abruptly goes down the bed

Sleepy eyes
Rushing him
Slowly walk around
Drink milk slowly
Sleepily
A fast child but slow to wake up
Feel drained
Due to opposite personalities


Inspiration On: Monday, 1 February 2016

I wake my five years old son up many times. He requests me repetitively to carry him out of the bed. Hot steam pour out of my head and lose my temper to go down his bed. So he goes down his bed. Waking him up nicely and still want me to carry him? He is 26kg and I can’t carry him anymore.

Oh no! The previous two helpers often carry him out of bed. No wonder he expects to be carried. My body can’t carry too heavy. Many times I carry heavy things, my chronic migraine worsens.

Rushing him to drink milk though he is still sleepy, wipe his face and change his clothes. Due to his slowness, I lose my temper and the bus driver scolds me for calling twice to my phone twice.

Then I realize that I need to train the new helper to let him go down his own bed.

Uncle WY forgot to call me due to rushing homework and for night pastoral bible class. Oh, I need his advise how to handle those who sow discord in the family and the church.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

快 Speedy

眼睛快
看到零食

头脑快
管手和脚步
拉椅子
拿零食

耳朵快
从脚步声知是谁
听到开声零食饱开

鼻子快
闻到
好吃零食

手脚快
快速度

脚快
跑去
好吃零食

手快
抢花生
从我手里

嘴唇快
吞花生
关紧紧

口快
牙齿咬碎花生
舌头推进喉咙

喉咙快
吞下
所有花生

头手脚度快
全身度快
谁能顶不住
他的快动作

Speedy eyes
Target a snack pack

Speedy brain
Signalling feet and hands
Pull a chair to open fridge
To gulp food

Speedy ears
Knowing whose footsteps
Knowing opened snacks packs

Speedy nose
Smelling
Delicious snacks

Speedy feet
Running towards
Delicious food

A pair of speedy hands and feet
Runs swiftly

Speedy hands
Snatch snack packs
From my hands

Speedy lips
Gulp snacks
Close tightly

Speedy mouth
Mince snacks
Ready to swallow

Speedy throat
Swallowing
Minced food

Speedy brain, hands and feet
Speedy body parts
Nobody in the house
Able to stop him
His fast motion


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 27 November 2013 at 8pm
Inspiration On: Thursday, 28 November 2013 at 10am

This poetry was triggered during conversation dinner with my husband. I shared how our 35 months son sneakily stealed a Milo drink packs from our snack box.