Reap from Sowing

What is God’s will?
To care the orphans and widows
Preach the good news

Hard truths at my face
You need to learn to self care
Render me speechless

Why is the word and deed I have done?
Now return to me?
God is not blind and I reap what I sow unto Him


Inspiration On: Thursday, 7 January 2016

Tonight is the cell group day. SS (my cell leader) explains the importance to proclaim God’s Words by personalizing it. Next is a question directed to me, “What is God’s will?” I immediately answer is to care for the orphans and widows. She advises me that I need to be able to take care of myself first. I understand. Then I am surprised to realize that the post encounter lessons I take is the long route but more detailed. Jone and PamLi attend the shortcut lesson. So she recommends the three of us to attend the School of Leadership together. Oh, the number three. Again, am I the odd one? Suddenly, I feel so inspired with the designs for the proclamation scriptures. I share to everyone that I have completed my portfolio and send it to the creative advertising company to apply as junior designer. Then she reveals that there are three partners. SS tells me to pray about the career God wants me to go. Different career leads to different pathways. I know. I have been reflecting on it and wants God to lead me. I remember my business partner’s words when she checks about Walt Disney. He worked as an animator at a creative agency. SS speaks to me to take care of myself first. Lord, if this is the job for me, please bless me in this. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Lord, it has been three days my business mentor has been ignoring me. I still see that she doesn’t read my WhatsApp messages.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

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God’s Presence

The joy in the Lord to feel His presence and joy despite my husband chooses not to answer my text message to join our son and him for dinner at a restaurant. Reading the book about Social Entrepreneurship and answering the ten questions make me laugh. It is the question of I receive a mentor. It is the Lord’s doing to meet my business mentor. I have been remembering my interactions with her and the recent way she replies. I thank her for contacting BL to encourage me. She didn’t and told me, “You always assume…..!” My response, “Aren’t you often assume too and jump to conclusions?” is enough to trigger her sound like a kid too. “Sounds like a kid arguing. I can debate with you! Give me a case and I will clear with you”. My question, “What case, lawyer?” Thinking of this makes me laugh again especially her denial of her own age is considered senior citizen. Siti also laughs.

Thanks for completing the token of appreciation to my business mentor and write little poetry based on the meaning of her name.

A brother in Christ WY to call me instead of I call him. I confess to him that I feel so remorseful and worst to let my parents suffer with me. It is due to I listen to them and without realizing I ignore the Lord’s small still voice. I share the long term business goal is to let mothers bring their children to workplace. When I hear from him that God will deal with my husband for not admitting his mistakes, I feel so upset with myself and it is too late. The dreams and confirmation from my business mentor and hear about my maid’s mother became a widow. But I have passed him into God’s hands. Strangely I am not as grieved as before. The brother is surprised of the job offer $15 for an hour for 18 hours of work. As the return, she let me use her space to work for my business. He is surprised of the little miracle and that my business goal is according to His kingdom. He prays for me. Then I immediately call the lady to accept her kind offer.

She explains again $15 per hour for 18 hours work per week due to budget issue. But now she needs 20 hours work per week to improve her sales. I understand. It begins on 16 November. She sounds anticipating my coming.

My business mentor to respond to my ‘Accuser & Spoilt’ poetry, “Sounds familiar”. Then she continues, “Just focus on seeking God and serve Him living out His will and purposes. God blesses you with supporting parents and siblings.”

Then I am reminded of the career consultant’s words whom she refers to me. “Oh ya. I remember that YA mentioned that I am at the disadvantage due to my qualifications are not from local universities. So taking projects is the alternative way with a business partner. Can I give you 50% of the paid project amount? At first, it is to be paid 50% deposit of the project amount. After receive 50% deposit, then start to do the project.”

“What project?” She wonders.

“Animation projects. And other kind of projects. When I do children’s book and animation for a company, I ask for 50% deposit then I start the work. Come to think of it. I remember that even the cofounder of a production company gets the 50% deposit first then start the work.”

“Who gave you the project?”

“Haven’t got it yet. I’m processing YA’s words. Before I got it from a friend and a company finds me from google. Networking session can help too. I’m in charge of the production and you are in charge of meeting people. I’ve been reminded of my secondary days. It is part of our services besides coming out own products.”

“Need to discuss to understand what you are trying to say.”

“Ok. Once the part time admin ends and give you a treat at the cafe in the same mall.”

Today, I just find out my helper has been practicing drawing using my son’s pencil. It breaks my heart. Since I have bought a dozen of different pencil grades, I sharpen a set of it to her. I hope she can earn a living through designing and sewing clothes when the time is ripe for her. I share her my experiences how I improve my drawings. Then I cater it according to her fashion designing skills. I copy manga drawing only to earn own style. Recently, I copy logo designs. It turns out so well. For her case, it is to copy clothing designs at home and the manga I show her. She looks so happy and I feel so happy if she can reach her potential. I share my previous full time work experiences as an admin to assist my ex-boss, accounts and shipping departments. After I my animation studies, I cover the admin who replaced me due to cancer operation. My boss and even the accountant wants to offer me the job. I feel bad to replace the one who replace me. She is entering into middle aged. My lady boss sends her message through the son. It is better for me to get a job somewhere else rather than stay in the small company without further career advancement. Strange for her to say so. However, I am reminded of a staff whom the lady boss told him to find another career due to no career advancement in her small company. That staff resigned and receive other job promotions with better pay. Life is strange. What does she sees in me? Is it the Lord’s love and favour? Even I wonder of an ex-colleague words who told me not to forget her. What does she sees in me?

Sketch My Business Mentor

The interest to research my business mentor’s photos through her Facebook. More photos are added. Year 2013 and 2014. She looks her best. One of the photo shows a kid writes her compassionate. My parents are too much to judge from outside looks. Thank God to see her as the Lord sees her. She looks kind and full of laughter. None of her photos look so gentle shown in my dream. Strange. I just can’t find any suitable photos for practice. Finally, I filter it into three photos. I feel so comfortable and feels so happy to sketch with pencil. It is likened to return to my first joy in sketching and drawing. In the end, I attempt to find her facial alignment. Thank God to find the correct facial alignment and attempt to draw the feelings she show in my dream. I thank the Lord for her and appreciate her time. During the sketching, I can sense God’s presence in my heart getting stronger.

Davidic Covenant

Today’s sermon on the message of ‘The Davidic Covenant – God’s Sovereignty and our Faithfulness’ from 2 Samuel 7:1-17 speaks to me. His heart for God despite his failures and success reminds me of my business mentor ever told me that the Lord looks from the heart many times. I feel so small. When King David sins against the Lord, he is quick to seek God’s forgiveness and correct himself. When he reached the successful stage, he still think to build a temple for the Lord.

Being reminded of the dream of my business mentor accompanying me through the dark path comfort me. Her kind looks was guiding me through. That kind looks impressed my heart so much. It inspires me to feel like sketching her and give it to her. I just don’t know why.

I was inspired to write appreciation to my business mentor on her kindness at a social networking when I read a friend post on the topic ‘Stupid Phrases for People in Crisis’ with the quotes “Instead of saying “God wouldn’t give you more than you could handle,” you could say, “Let me come over and do some laundry””. Her actions justify the Bible and I almost feel so comfortable with her in being caring from her actions. She cares more than my mother though at times she spoke harshly due to me forgetting her words many times. The problem is I’m being too weak with people and let people to go over my boundary. Thus causing my motivation to work and the dire effect of work performance. I begin to understand myself better of my work performance can only reach to a certain level and I can’t reach my potential. Now, I begin to understand my business mentor’s words that there are too many people staying at my house. Thus causing dampen my potential and feel exasperated.

A business friend (BL) to come to my aid when my business mentor gives up mentoring me to give me deadline to complete the children’s book. Does it mean the Lord does not give up on me? Should I ask her, “what’s in it for you?”

Sensing His presence in my heart to learn that God is breaking generational curse through me. Not going to jail due to my mistake to partnership with Winston Chan. Similar situation of my grandfather to have someone rescue me to prevent me from entering into jail. He entered into jail due to signing contract blindly and being wrongly accused. My case was to partnership with an ex-colleague and immediately dissolved through my business mentor. I thank the Lord and appreciate her so much of her kindness. That’s the reason to let her get iPhone 6S through renewing my phone contract. If not due to this, I would have sold it in market price in order to earn income honestly. Because I need the money. However, I want to earn the money decently as according to the Bible. There’s nothing wrong for her to ask me, “what is my role to you?” twice. I feel speechless. When I answer her question she is like my mother, she said “No”. Is that why she blessed me and mentioned to me to find other business mentor? She had been my business mentor, business partner, qwasha and pressed on my acupoints to relieve my perceptual chronic migraine, guides me in my business fashion presentation, edit my writings, and pulling her hair in attempting to understand my speech. Yet she is not paid to mentor me and treat my acupoints. She looked so hurt to hear from me that my parents disagree on her qwasha on me. I feel so hurt for her to say that I treat her as a rubbish bin and her saying I was like a leech. I didn’t have such notion. Tell me, Lord, do I go overboard? My mother is not as detailed as her care for me.

Anybody, please tell me. Do I cross over the boundary? Do I feel too comfortable with her and share too much? Seems that I shouldn’t share too much about my family to her. I begin to share after she complains about her issues with her son and daughter in law. I begin to question myself. Why do people always to confide in me in their family issues? However, I am reminded of a screenwriter’s words that I know all the answer to life’s questions. Do I? Only the Lord can enable me to do so.

Dumb Word Upsets

Call other dumb upsets me

And pisses me off!

It is not the way to do so!

Who are we to say so?

Different people have different level of understanding

People are created by God in His image.

Who are we to call others dumb?

Everyone has their own

Strengths

And

Weaknesses.


Inspiration On: Friday, 27 February 2015 at 2:27pm

While I was resting, the one who employs me in an adhoc basis text message me. He called someone dumb for not understanding his issues. Hence, the above poetry is birthed out and written down. Why do I say so? Because I am the only one being considered slow amongst my siblings. Of course, I always feel stupid for being weaker in my slow response towards others. That is before I know The Lord Jesus. Yet He reaches out to me and saves me from my wrong perspectives of myself. I know what I want in life is to be an author. My parents dissuades me from doing so. The most foolish things I have ever done was to listen to their decisions upon my life – study in the industry I do not want to study. In order not to waste their money, I force myself to complete the studies to bachelor. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Hot Cold

Do not drag me into your
Impending fire of judgement

Do not drag me into your
Anticipated burning of fire in hell

Must I
POUR
Cold water into your head?

To wake you up
From your dark sleep?

To lift you up
To see and trust Jesus in the heaven?

Inspiration On: Monday, 9 February 2015 from 3:37pm to 3:41pm

A brother in Christ was going through difficult problems with himself and the people around him. A sister in Christ warned me from being dragged by that brother in Christ in terms of spiritual and work. After I stopped myself from busyness and take a walk from the house, God confirmed it through three people and just revealed it to me. This awakened me from being too emotional. That brother in Christ is in need of a spiritual daddy who can guide him in his spiritual walk. Thank God for an uncle willingly to mentor my that brother in Christ. And I am also thankful for his readiness to guide the young. All those tumultuous heart and mind birth the above poetry to tell that brother in Christ. It is to wake him up from his lack of self-worth slumber. Wish you all have good days and thank you.