Migraine Relapse

Muscle tightness
Tied to the max
Unbearable
Needles poking inside
My skull
Electric Shock inside
My skull

Pain runs through my body
Pain begins from shoulder-ache
Runs through my neck
Into the neurons of my brain
Pain in between my pelvic and thigh
Paralyze my whole body system
Onto my bed
Prevent me from work

Prevent me
From awake
Drowsiness sets in
Doze to dreamland

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Inspiration On: Saturday, 14 September 2013 from 8am to 10:29pm

Upon waking up in the morning, my neck and shoulder pain led my migraine to paralyze my whole being. Thankfully my helper massaged my shoulder and I returned to sleep.

At night, I have been scratching my head to remember what I had done yesterday. Buying forty pieces of 250gsm papers and other drawing tools. Then I met my friend whose age is close to my mother’s age. Dragging myself to accompany her to Chinatown who asked me to do so. She wanted to go to Canada and was afraid of money changer people bully her. First, we scanned through buildings for cheap luggage locks. Next, we went to money changer. Finally, she decided to eat at the hawker centre. Glad to send her to the MRT station.

Carrying backpack with the drawing tools inside my bag. Left hand hold the papers. Passing by Blue Max video shop, I was attracted to buy four Veggie Tales DVDs and other anime DVDs and VCDs. My journey ended as I boarded bus home. Realizing my own fault for forcing myself to do more than I can do.

Sick

Flu or cold
Blocked Nose
Difficult to breathe!

Dry Cough
Itchy Throat
Cough and cough!

Cough with phlegm
Sticky throat
Cough with mucous!

Giddy
Spinning head
Whirling environment
Dizzy! Dizzy!

Headache
Pain with discomfort
Tight!
Pulling!
STING like a Needle sting!
Nausea!
Heart-beat like!

All sickness is discomfort to the body system.

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 13 November 2012 at 12:30am
Inspiration Ends On: Wednesday, 14 November 2012 at 4:39pm

While doing the dishes, the above visual inspiration came to my mind. My toddler who just vomited due to continuous cough was cleaned and slept. Then it dawned upon me how uncomfortable for me to have cough, cold or flu especially during my sleep. Next day, dizzy and headache came to me. I remembered clearly when I was anaemic during childhood often feeling dizzy. Now, the chronic headache that I am going through also helps me to express the headache feeling.

Deep Buried Feelings

Deep buried feelings were kept somewhere.
Painful memories were left unidentified for ten years.
Not ten years, more than that.
Unknowingly, it was planted since young.
It was sowed seed by seed.

Motivation of study is from external source.
Motivation of study only comes from mother.
No inner motivation to do so.
No sense of purpose in life.
No compass to guide me.
Only my parents are my compass.

We followed mother to her chosen destination to give us good future.
We lived in an uncle’s house due to lack of finance.
With my own eyes, I saw my mother being bullied.
I wish to stand strong, but I’m weak.
I’m standing at the corner.
I feel lost.
Angry with my self!
Why am I so slow?
Why am I a weakling?
Leave me alone.
I just wish to be quiet.

A slight headache.
Someone came to my rescue.
It is like a Light enters my heart.
There is a sense of purpose.
I need to stand strong.
I can’t!
But in the Light I can.

A door is closed.
But He opens a window.
A window opens my mind to marriage.

With just a few words through written message,
My past deep feelings were dug out.
No, I think I found out now.
Now I found out what it is.
Found out the root cause to fear of marriage.
It is the very seed that takes root in my heart since young.
It shaped my thinking.
It also shaped my heart.

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Expressed on: Friday, 07 November 2008.