Who Is The Apple Giver?

A red apple in yellowish colour
Sits on the black Fujitsu laptop
Thought my good friend gives
She answers not her
Maybe our supervisor
Need to clarify the matter
Who else if not him?


Inspiration On: Thursday, 24 March 2016

Early in the morning, I am surprised of an apple is on the Fujitsu laptop. Yesterday there is no apple in the pantry. Is it my friend who gives the apple? When I ask her, she is not the one who gives the apple. Is it my supervisor? That is her question too. However, the direct phone line and monitor are completely unworkable. The clock struck 9:30am. My friend reaches the office. Next is my supervisor. Later on, he passes me my access card and attempt to find out its passcode.

During my work, I feel awful to speak up to my mum yesterday. At the same time, I also want to fulfill my vow to my Lord. Is it not the right time yet due to my lack of understanding? Or is it due to me speaking up? Suddenly a thought comes to my mind. If animation school founder offers me an animation job opportunity, I will go for it. I am prepared. Now I need to brush up my drawing skills. I still want to use the animation for my Lord.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

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First Day of Full Time Job

Excitement enters my heart
Warm welcome from close friend
Close Friend becomes own colleague
Comfortable with each other
Clear guidance from her
Enjoy the fellowship
Helpful boss

Purely numbers
Use accounting system
Opening excel files
Moving back and forth
Confused which system data
Matching the company names
With their internal identity number


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 23 March 2016

I am so excited on my first day of work. But the supervisor and my friend have not came yet. So I have to sit on the table. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Mistakes After Mistakes

Lose observation skills
Misinterpret English instruction
Doing more than the required
Misunderstood her with previous client

Clouds of confusion
Clears with straightforward explanation
Only to realize
Being valued and trusted

Grief of being misunderstood
For high pay when I don’t ask for high pay
Doing nothing when I stoned
Due to arguing with my husband

That shows
My mental condition need to strengthen
Feed more in God’s Words
To strengthen my mental agility

Humble myself
Go for autism diagnosis
Open my mouth to seek help
Understand myself to manage myself


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 2 December 2015

I wish to tell my business mentor that my mum prays for someone to guide me in Singapore. I’m surprised the Lord hears her inner heart. Lord, please grant me the wisdom how to say it. Suddenly, I communicate with my mum via WhatsApp. I remind her about her words to have someone to guide me. I don’t even realize it much earlier. I tell her that the person is my business mentor and she appears before she prays about it. She is so silent about it.

“Why don’t you tell me?” She asks me. Then she continued, “You should tell me to save time.”

“When I tell my previous client his drawing is awful, he forces me to follow his.” I remember the past abuse.

She justifies herself, “I’m not him. You are taking it the wrong side of extreme.” That jolts me. Oh no! What happen to me? Why is the past haunting me? I’m awaiting the encounter session on Saturday and Sunday. I can’t stand such wrong perception.

Her two hands cover her face on the table. That posture reminds me of my business mentor’s posture at a school. Why? Why am I like this?

She explains the reason she passes her office key to me is her trust to me and let me do my work there. She clarifies that she values my expertise. She understands that I can’t put my things at the mobile office space. Therefore, she lets me use her space. When she needs creative work, she can find me and pay me for the work I have done. She values me as a business woman. I feel so valued. Furthermore, I feel so appreciative of her honesty as a friend, a client and an employer. Normally, she can get $12 per hour freelancers who are lacking experience. She pays me $15 per hour to value my expertise and professionalism. So she feels that we can’t work together anymore and she chooses to hire other freelancers. When I share this to mum and compare her with IC, I can sense her to be a good boss. She compliments me and appreciate my effort. When I do right, she compliments me. When I make a mistake, she gently explains herself repetitively. Her patient tone, “please, please, please” helps me to observe my wrong understanding of her words in WhatsApp. It is such simple words. How can I understand it wrongly? This is frightening. She can’t accept my apologies anymore. This is not so right. O Lord, please enable me to do what is right.

Though I feel slightly sad, I send her WhatsApp message on my way home, “I’m sorry to get confused. I value you also as a businesswoman. I look up to you in the way you manage the part-timers. I will just count the photo cleaning job. As a part-timer, I also need guidance.” I can understand she doesn’t want to shortchange me. There is no reply from her. Through this, I feel very frustrated with the devil. A strange black bald head with large eyeballs look at me hideously. Inside, I get so angry and kick that creature away.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Autism Assessment

An encouragement to go for
Professional autism assessment
Delays
Until I don’t want to hurt others unintentionally
Until I want to be helped and able to help others
Another one encourages me to assess
Then they can help

Business mentor highlights
So that I can manage myself better
That sentence strikes me to
Actions
To be independent

Two people encourage
Many encouragement thus
There is an inner
Courage to go for assessment
Explain to the doctor
My condition
My communication issue
My friends’ hard time to understand me


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 1 December 2015

Since my friend/boss hasn’t returned to Singapore and tells me to wait, I use the time to go to polyclinic. There is also polyclinic near the office. I reach office first to switch the aircon to maintain the clothes. Then I rush there. The registration counters open at 1:30pm. After registration, I see the doctor and repeat the written WhatsApp message, “may I have a referral to a qualified psychologist who can help me with autism diagnostic assessment?”. So that I can speak clearly. Then she asks many questions and my preference hospital. I have no preference so she assigns me to IMH. I can’t accept IMH so I request for another hospital nearer to central. A government hospital is the other selected hospital. I feel so relieved because I don’t want to have a mental labeling.

Then I have the courage to share my reflections to my business mentor. I realize my autism is worse after I get married. She questions, “Then how could you able to compare that your autism is worse after marriage.” After many reflections, I compare my current found out condition with my condition before marriage.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.