Good Actions with Good Intention Withdraws

Intending to learn cooking
According to mum’s guidance
Joyfully checking my mobile phone
A sudden message from own husband
Instil a bad sense into my heart and mind

Needing solace and peaceful environments
Recharging my whole being and mind
Immediately leaving the house
Towards the nearby library
Awaiting mum and son

Pouring to the Lord
Asking the Lord a few times
Should I take on the mini project?
A project my ex-mentor refers to me
Needing the Lord in every small decisions

Make two big rounds into every part of library
All seat are fully occupied and need the toilet
Asking the Lord for a seat with power plug
The me returns after the toilet break
An empty seat and I occupy it

Use the MacBookAir that
The Lord blesses for many minutes
Sudden sense to notice the battery level
Before it prompts and warns me for energy
Immediate sense to stand and roam for a seat

Roaming into another part near the corner Noticing a lady leaves and I found a seat
Placing books onto it and return to the
First seat to move own things over
Charging all devices and phones

Mum and son finds me to
Have dinner together with the maid
Suggesting how to settle and speak out
A strong sense knowing it is pointless to say
Still need to face him and to speak out my point

Strength enters into heart and mind to face him
Observe his tone to insist returning the maid
Speaking out in order to reason with him
Letting him to open our drawer to keep
The maid’s passport

By pretending to leave the room
Informing own mother to call dad back
Return to own room and to see the truth
He locks it in his own drawer immediately
Then he takes shower and sound very happy

When I want to speak with our son
He calls our son loudly from the room
To speak with his mother on the phone
Our son speaks to her that the maid returns
On Monday will be on his own and by himself

Why would our son says so?
O Lord, which one is the truth?
What are You doing, Lord God?
Full of questions yet marvel my Lord
Trusting Him with process of my destination


Inspiration On: Saturday, 16 April 2016

Last night, my mum prepares lunch and dinner for my husband and I. I intend to heat up the food and fully cook it.

Last night, my husband messages me, “Tomorrow after lunch please bring maid to the maid agency train stop (including her passport & permit). Will meet you there to send her back to agent. Thks”

“Sorry. I can’t do it so soon.” I respond immediately.

Today, my mum treats new maid and her grandson lunch and dinner. My elder sister to get zoo tickets for mum, brother, my son, and new maid. Actually, she wants to invite our brother’s girlfriend. However, she can’t make it. So I let the maid goes to the zoo.

Today, I intend to cook dinner for my husband and I. Upon checking my mobile phone, I see his message, “Why cannot? Is after lunch. The reason I ask u to bring her to the train station is because I work morning, so no need to come back & bring her out again.” That message causes me to have cold feet. I feel disappointed. I respond, “My sister has tickets to the zoo. So she and our son go to the zoo.”

“Where is the maid?” he enquires.

Am I unclear? I’m implying the maid goes to the zoo with our son. Quickly I reply, “She goes to the zoo.”

He assumes, “I thought u said ur sister & our son go to zoo? Why become maid go zoo? Who else going zoo? I need to bring her back to agent. What time maid be back? Thks”

“The “she” means the maid. She’ll be back after dinner.” I clarify.

In the end, instead of exercising after lunch, I quickly leaves the house to go to the nearby library. Because I need a peaceful environment to quiet down and recharge rather than a conflicting environment. It feels good to be in the library and doing something and wait for mum to return home with my son. My dad’s words keep echoing, “don’t be scared easily”. So I ask the Lord for strength and courage.

When my son gives the new maid sweets, she answers his grandma says cannot. Sudden acute sense the maid lies. Knowing the Lord makes me realise this.

My son confides in me that his dad blames him for bringing new maid to the zoo. So I want to tell mum. Mum tells me my son confesses to her. He tells the maid to say she doesn’t want to go back to agent and she wants to stay here. However, she replies that she is scared to say so. I disbelieve the maid’s words. Because yesterday she can cause
my husband to wake me up to bring her to work.

The courage to speak out to my husband that the maid cannot return to the agent easily. She needs to wait for the new replacement. It is likened to working for people. When you want to leave, you can not instantly leave. You need to wait for the new replacement. He doesn’t respond. Sensing strange feelings when my husband calls our son loudly to listen to the phone. Our son talks on the phone to his grandmother that he will be independent at home since the maid will return to the agent tomorrow.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Advertisements

So Misunderstood

Misunderstandings after misunderstandings
Many misunderstand my good intentions
Family members misunderstand me
Friend Boss misunderstand me too
My stoning due to family issue is treated as doing nothing
My behaviour and body language are
Inconsistent with
The intentions of my heart and mind

Few church friends understand me
Two ex-mentors and a pre-believer understand me
Prayers of blessing from church members
Encouragements from the body of Christ
Comfort my
My aching heart
My allegiance to my Lord and Saviour


Inspiration On: Thursday, 3 December 2015

Suddenly, in the morning my boss/friend finally replies, “You don’t need to apologise. I think it was clear when I offered you the hourly part time was because I value your time as another start-up business owner, we understand how valuable time and resource are. So I thought it was perfect solution for both. I need someone who knows design and you need working space. For the hourly pay I am paying you I expected giving you business owners’s guidance ie how to use your design work into fashion retail and e-commerce but if what you need is hand holding then what you are asking is work for fresh graduate.” I feel so misunderstood. I want a business owner’s guidance. Why should she add the word ‘but’? Her assumptions that I am looking for a full time $4000 to $5000 pay and she can’t give it. Those two assumptions deeply hurt me. What should I do, Lord? I have done the mistakes due to family issues. How do I rectify the issue? Is it too late? Are You opening another door for me? Though I want to explain myself, it is pointless to explain. I just treat it as my focus back to media and back to fulfill my vow to the Lord.

Suddenly, the sight of a flying dove catches my attention. Is there a dove rearer in Singapore?

Since I reach an MRT station earlier, I choose to go to to the workplace advisory. The career consultant questions me. I explain the diverse freelance projects I have done. Then she manages to nail down my unique value proposition. It is to add value to the companies. Then she refers me to a job agency workshop to make my resume to look more professional. She also helps me how to speak to the interviewer. Amazing. Yes. I’m lacking in the way I speak.

I feel so happy to meet my ex-mentor named RL. Then another pre-believer friend RC. They are surprised in the way I change my wearing. It looks business-like. After we decide to eat at Soup Spoon, another ex-mentor RR joins us. She shares about her friendly mother in law. Now, she rent a flat to stay in the same block with her mother in law but different level. She is so welcomed. I feel so happy for her. Then her church friend explain the meaning of the Chinese word, “平安”. When remove the roof of the “安”, it means woman. So only one woman is in charge of the household. Rita Liu shares that she can’t stay with her mother in law. I understand. Then it is my turn to share. I laughingly share the summary of my experiences. I extremely agree that one woman needs to be in charge. The problem is I am too soft to let my in law stay together with my parents. RR understands my family condition in house purchase issue. To add the matter worse, I tend to let go of my control. Thus land me in the mess. Until I run away from home twice. They look shocked. Then they are concerned the year I run away from home. Without thinking, I say it is 2013. Then I bare my feelings that I want to run to RL’s house. However, I hesitated. After RC returns to her office, RR and RL are concerned and ask my current status. I begin to share my hesitation to go for assessment and psychologist. But I listen and go the polyclinic to ask for referral letter to see the psychologist for assessment and treatment. They want me to update them. I feel touched.

When I think back, RL has a good partner though don’t stay with in law. She only visits them with her husband once in a while. Rusyinni gets along very well with her mother in law. RC does freelance business now with her friend. Now, She is a sub programmer with her programmer friend to develop eCommerce website so she doesn’t need to meet customer. I feel so happy for them to lead a good life.

Lord, please give another opportunity to attend today missed masterclass because I miss the cell group meeting.

I’m appreciative for Josefine to meet me at a train station and lead the way to PL’s house for cell group. LT welcomes us. SS is sitting at the table. We sit on the table worshipping the Lord, read the a chapter of the book of acts then fellowship. I enjoy it and hear her clearly. She feels regretful for knowing the Lord earlier and not spending enough time with her husband before he passed away. Those words remind me of my business mentor mentioning her regret. It is not knowing the Lord before she married and to fail as a mother. Everybody shares their wish to correct their regrets. PL’s words are agreeable. Since it is impossible to turn the clock back, it is pointless to think about it. She has gone through the pain. It is enough to go through the pain once. Every different paths have their unique set of pain. Finally, my turn has come. I agree with PL and hope to finish it well. Suddenly, Shirley moves every member to pray for me. All hands are praying for me. I’m shocked for the words of prayer from her mouth. I have an obedient heart. The Lord will give me restoration. That’s the message I receive and understand.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.