Girls’ Invisible Autism

Internalized feelings
Silence with unfamiliar people
Attraction towards pets
Being lost in own world
Termed as being shy

In silence
Overwhelmed with sensory overload
Anxiety and fear deep inside
Masking with expressionless face
Pouring out my hearts to Jesus
Seeking to overcome own challenges
Observing and smile to babies and pets


Inspiration On: Saturday, 22 April 2017 at 8:11am

I divulge my autism issue with friends whom I feel comfortable with. My struggle is in communication. Socializing with strangers is not a problem. It depends on whom I feel comfortable to talk to. My friends label me as being introvert and shy. Am I shy? That’s my question.

I do not understand myself. Seeking to have self-understanding. Last year, the autism diagnosis had tested me positive. It created mixed feelings – fearful, upset, relief. “Why You Cannot See My Daughter’s Autism?” news help me to have a better understanding of myself.

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Barely Survive

RING! RING!
Alarm rings
Immediate awake
Rush to my son to wake up
Request to be carried
Brain is boiling!
Again request to be carried
Hot steam blows out of my head
Abruptly goes down the bed

Sleepy eyes
Rushing him
Slowly walk around
Drink milk slowly
Sleepily
A fast child but slow to wake up
Feel drained
Due to opposite personalities


Inspiration On: Monday, 1 February 2016

I wake my five years old son up many times. He requests me repetitively to carry him out of the bed. Hot steam pour out of my head and lose my temper to go down his bed. So he goes down his bed. Waking him up nicely and still want me to carry him? He is 26kg and I can’t carry him anymore.

Oh no! The previous two helpers often carry him out of bed. No wonder he expects to be carried. My body can’t carry too heavy. Many times I carry heavy things, my chronic migraine worsens.

Rushing him to drink milk though he is still sleepy, wipe his face and change his clothes. Due to his slowness, I lose my temper and the bus driver scolds me for calling twice to my phone twice.

Then I realize that I need to train the new helper to let him go down his own bed.

Uncle WY forgot to call me due to rushing homework and for night pastoral bible class. Oh, I need his advise how to handle those who sow discord in the family and the church.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Introvert’s Achilles Heels

“Public speaking”
“Presentation”
“Performance”
Brisk to the stage
Thump! Thump!
Heart beat increases rapidly
Lips pale out
Passing by the audio system
The audio system roars
A fierce chilling wind blows
Provokes primal fear
Sending chills into my spine

Standing on the stage
Mind goes blank
Voice turns to stutter
Feet glued onto the stage
Daunted by the listeners at auditorium
Daunted by rolling eyes to every utterances
Wobbly feet
Getting cold feet

Pause
Take a deep breath
Practice speech returns gradually
Speak out


Inspiration On: Thursday, 6 June 2013 at 2:50am
Inspiration Ends On: Friday, 7 June 2013 at 1:52pm

Being an introvert, this is indeed my Achilles heel. I do tend to get cold feet on stage.

Active vs Passive

Quiet people seems passive
Passive in activities
Passive in conversations
But active listeners
Passive in parties
Bored to be with
Few close friends
Outwardly look weak
Being physically passive
Gives them energy
But active in deep thinking and analyzing
Think before talk

Outgoing people seems active
Active in activities
Active in conversations
But passive listeners
Active in parties
Fun to be with
A lot of friends
Outwardly look strong
Being physically active
Brings them energy
But passive in deep thinking
Talk without thinking

Are you active or passive?
There is an active part in a passive people
There is a passive part in an active people
Nobody is perfect
Learn and improve from our own weakness
Respect each others’ personality differences
We are dependent upon each other
Complementing each other
As couples complement each other’s weakness
As family members complement one another
Why do we focus on other’s weaknesses?
Why can’t we see each other’s strength?
Nobody is perfect
We are not perfect
We are imperfect, but are work in progress


Inspiration On: Sunday, 2 June 2013 from 12:53am to 1:33am
Inspiration Ends On: Tuesday, 4 June 2013 at 2:35am

Most of the time, there are two categories of people either extrovert or introvert. I realized I belong to the latter upon reading personality book. My friends and even my husband ever said the same thing. They want to vomit blood whenever I asked them to repeat a few times because I often want to understand their words by listening to it.