Feel Stupid for Being Naive

Being naive
To trust your initial words
Destroy my trusting hearts
My heart is dead
Whenever you repeat your mum’s words
Like a parrot

The way you play with my naiveness
I feel dejected whenever I remember
You seek me during courtship
To
Dazzle my eyes
With garland of flowers

Yet now you are different
All you care is yourself
Instead of investigating the truth
You sell yourself to lies

Living in someone’s influence
Third parties’ views are right
The fool is me for not believing them
My heart is dead
Thanks to you.


Inspiration On: Thursday, 21 May 2015 at 12:15pm

This is the third sequel to Why Do You? and If Not For Jesus poetry. Lori Carlson’s writing prompt challenge my heart and mind to birth this poetry. My heartbreak journey is stated clearly in my first poetry. The final line signify my sarcastic remarks to my blinded husband until my tears almost dry up. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

If Not For Jesus!

If not for Jesus, I would take matter into my hands!
If not for Jesus, I would leave you!
If not for my Lord, I would have commit suicide!
If not for my Lord, I would avoid you!
If not for my Saviour, I only give you one chance!
If not for my Saviour, I would lock my door!
If not for my God, I would bark!

Yet you barge into my fence of boundaries!
Yet you take me for granted!
Yet you enjoy hurting me more!
Your ACTIONS and WORDS are inconsistent!
You always beat around the bush!

What do you WANT from me?!
I feel sick of your arrogance!
You cause me to fall into the pit of depression!
Initially
You give me the joy of life
You share your faith in Jesus
You give me the hope of
“Two is better than one”
A close confidant

If not for Jesus, I would not trust you!
If not for my Lord, I would not forgive you!
If not for my Saviour, I would forsake you!
I have enough!


Inspiration On: Thursday, 21 May 2015 at 12:15pm

This is the sequel to Why Do You? poetry. You have read the previous journey of my poetry. My heart and trust are fully broken. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Why Do You?

Why do you come into my life?
Why do you come to mess my life?

Why are you jealous of me?
Your grades are better then mine.
You have smarter brain than I am.

Why are you so suspicious of me?
Where do I give you misunderstanding?
I just want to bless you surprisingly.

Why do you use my weakness to put me down?
I thought you are my confidant.
There is so much thing I want to share with you.

Now
My lips are tight
I can not trust you

Why I can not trust you?
Because you lie to me!
Because you add wounds to my salt!
Make my life like a hell!

Why do you believe the devil’s lies?
Do you love to misjudge others?
Do you still live in your mother’s cloud of influence and decision?

Why do you take advantage of my naiveness?
Why do you take advantage of my confusion?
Why do you love to put your words into others’ mouth?
I can not believe your words anymore.


Inspiration On: Thursday, 21 May 2015 at 12pm

A lot of strange events occur in my life. When I mean well, my mother in law and husband misunderstood me. When I begin to trust him again and confide in him, he betray my trust. Maybe I look highly of him. Every year, my mother in law gave warnings of divorce threats to me. Then my husband always let me to make the decisions. When the result of my decision turns out well, no appreciation. Yet when the result of my decision is wrong, he always pick on me and put me down. I have felt worse. Yet he makes me feel much worse. Despite my parents warning, I feel foolish to pity my mother in law. But she falsely accused my mother and I out of her jealousy. Recently, my husband loves to start to the quarrel and blame me. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Disharmony from Inside

Sight of someone ticks you off
Continue to dwell in it
Likewise jealousy
Continue to dwell in it
Bullying occurs
In family
In school
In workplace
In society
Among races
Among countries

Abuse others
Bullying others
To make oneself feels good
Abuser feels superior

Don’t abusers think that
They impose pain to the abused
Instil the abusee hatred
Abusee may or may not commit suicide
Before or after strife with
The abuser


Inspiration Ends On: Monday, 23 September 2013 from 10:44am to 10:55am

Toxic of Jealousy

Unsightly family harmony
Pick a quarrel
Enjoy fighting
With words
Lashing painful words
Seeking to control
Seeking to destroy
The new family

Jealousy control
Giving evil reign
Upon self
Seeking others’ fault
Blind to own’s fault
No wonder people
Stand afar from
An unrepentant heart
A blind mind
A deaf ear
Assuming others like
The unrepentant heart’s
Hypocritical mindset
Misunderstand others’
Kindness and goodwill

Influence her own good friend
To believe her speech
To believe she is victim
Misunderstand others’
Messages
Wrong perception of others
Kindness and goodwill
Confronting me for shouting
At his good friend
Without searching the truth
Without asking my reason


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 17 July 2013 at 12:34am
Inspiration Ends On: Friday, 19 July 2013 at 6:52pm
Compiled On: Friday, 19 July 2013 at 7:44pm

Reading Darky Blue’s poetry at http://darkyblue.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/how-many-is-too-many/ reminded me of my friend’s case whom i just shared her experience.

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Her nurse friend whom she confided to diagnose her with depression for the situation I have shared through my previous poetry for her. Her dad who recently told her that if she didn’t explain the truth she will be miserable and people will continually bully her. Because she felt that it was useless for her to say so since her husband won’t believe her words and he believed his mother’s words more than her. What’s the point for her to say more? Wasting her time. She didn’t want her marriage to be broken. Her nurse friend helped her to pray and queried whether she ever eat a medicine from a doctor. Yes was her reply, but it had stopped. So her friend suggested to her to see again to let the medicine help her to relax. Her friend and I also don’t want to see her to be taken away to the mental hospital.

After many requests for her husband’s contact, she hesitantly wrote down her husband’s number with trembling hands. Her nurse friend who called her husband that she was with his wife, he was happy. Unexpectedly, her husband was shocked with her nurse friend who divulged she had suicidal attempts. Alarmed not to worry her husband, she tried to stop her nurse friend for saying so. But it was too late. He immediately rushed to fetch her. Her nurse friend comforted her that her husband still care for her.

Sending her to the mrt station to meet her husband, she seemed reluctant to follow her husband. But her nurse friend introduced herself and asked him to love her and protect her. He willingly agreed. Holding hands, he gently explains the reason he scolded her for giving the feeling his mother was unwelcomed. All she thinks are to move her brother’s things out of the room, but expressed it wrongly due to thinking visually with wrong words. Her father had discussed the problem with him amicably and resolved to let him be the middle person. If there is unhappiness, his mother and her dad will go to him. This is due to her dad is worried for her not being able to convey the message correctly. Peace is restored. Since he had apologized to mother and dad, he hoped her to apologize to his mother. When she was going to apologize, the phone rang. It was her sister in law confronting her for shouting. Angered by those words and realizing her mother in law’s dishonesty, she went to bathroom to pray for God’s help to forgive her mother in law just as He had forgiven her. Having showered helped to cool down and apologize to her mother in law. Shocked with her reactions to immediately hug her and also apologize for her own fault.

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Being alone in her house, she felt peaceful and can concentrate on her freelance work. Her parents went out. Her mother in law schedules her son’s playground at her brother in law’s house. While her husband and her holding hands together guiding the way, the helper observed her mother in law looked very angry, instead of being happy for her son. Her helper told her in the middle of the night before sleep. She had been wondering why her mother in law was so jealous of her.

Friday, 19 July 2013

Yesterday, she had fixed an appointment with her previous neurology. Today, her neurology told the same thing to her to tell her husband the truth what she had been through with her mother in law. The truth will let her husband to think. Not her to do so all the time. If she continues to keep quiet, she will be miserable. He also reminded her of the wedding woes to share to her husband her troubles. Unhappy with this, she had been wondering and didn’t wish to hurt her mother in law.

Everyone’s Basis of Statement through Analysis from her previous talk. Her mother in law went through divorce at the age of 30 for her husband left her for another woman. Her husband’s siblings rebuked and blamed her for being too brawling. So he couldn’t stand her.

But my friend feels what that has got to do with her. What does she has to make her mother in law jealous?

Tears of Hurt

Tears of grief
Tears of hating conflict
Tears of dislike to hurt
The need to confront
Someone who brags
Someone who lies
A jealous filled person
Driven by green eyes heart
My heart hurts for her
Before speaking to her
But without confront her lies
The more she stirs and messes my house

O Lord, You have heard
Heard her lies
You have heard my confidant’s advice
O Lord, You have heard Sennacherib’s blasphemies
You have delivered King Hezekiah from Sennacherib
Please, O Lord, deliver me from this braggart
Please, O Lord, guide my speech
Please, O Lord, rescue me from this mental anguish
Please, rescue me
Save me from this dilemma
Please tell me what I should do, O Lord
Her words are killing everyone
Her words are destroying everyone
I don’t want her to destroy my family

O Lord, I beseech Your guidance
For I trust in Your deliverance


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 16 July 2013 at 4:15am to 4:44am

My friend called and shared to me and asked me to write for her and ask what she should do. Though I was speechless, I put myself in her shoes, birth me this poetry. I feel speechless. This is her story, “The song ‘I Surrender’ by Celine Dion spoke to my heart and my tears of grief overflows to my Lord seeking His deliverance. Though I dislike the liar’s speeches and actions, the desire not to hurt her was laid bare to my Lord. My confidant suggested to me that it was time to confront the guest before the situation got out of hand. Those who disapprove her lies are my neighbour, helper and even a weekday beverage deliverer. But I still believe in God’s wisdom and Hand of guidance. My mind and heart is confused in what I should do.What should she do? Your feedback is most appreciated.” This reminded me of 2 Kings 18:12-37 where King Hezekiah cried to the Lord of host.

Jealous Baby Boy

Just a few countable words to grandma
He grabs grandma’s left hand swiftly
His uncle pretends to grab grandma’s right hand
Whining and grabs grandma’s hand stronger
Whining angrily
Impatiently waiting for his uncle to leave grandma
Nobody can replace grandma
Grandma only belongs to him
Grandma is his only
He won’t share her to anyone

Grandma goes out with grandpa
He wailed whiningly
As a sign of disagreement
Grandma only belongs to him
Grandma is his only
He won’t share her to anyone

Instead, he loves his aunt very much
Picks up the telephone
Dial randomly
Speaking imaginatively to his aunt
Anticipating of her visit zealously

On the playground
A toddler older than him hold his dad
He instantly snatches his dad
He disagree instantly for me to be with that toddler
Pissed of that toddler
Target that toddler among others
Whenever that toddler fills the basket with colourful ball
Quietly he presses the button
The button to throw the colourful balls out of the basket
To let that toddler’s collected ball flows out
Repetitively he does so
And continuously does so
Without rest
With a revengeful smile
Oh, that toddler is a boy


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 5 June 2013 At 9:45pm

Seems that my son is jealous of his grandpa and uncle (my younger brother), particularly towards boy and men. He is extremely close to his grandma and loves her the most. That grandma is my mother. He slept beside her from second months to eight months before transferred to his cot. Is this a phase of a toddler’s life? But he is not jealous of my elder sister (his aunt). In fact, he loves her and listens to her more than me.

First to third stanzas are everyday events, but the playground case was the most recent case. I left the playground for toilet after the snatching event. When I returned, I was puzzled of my son to continuously pressed the throw ball button quietly. Upon reaching home, my husband told me what happened when I left the playground for toilet. Though he is a sweet and caring boy, I can’t believe of my son’s jealousy.