Crossroad of Choices

At the crossroad of choices
Surrounded by mountains of career paths
Weighing the beginning and destination
Time to make decisions
Make frantic effort to adjust time
Energy tank signaling rapid depletion
Realizing distraction through humans
Asking the Lord for help through human guidance and discipline
Seeking His intervention

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Inspiration On: Friday, 28 April 2017

The piles of work I have been doing seems daunting. Countless attempt to stand up. Loneliness sets in. I have been pouring out to God for someone whom I can discuss with. The budget I come out with is over-budget. I feel so powerless. Doing work slow me down. I feel so thankful to God to do part-time work as a teacher. The Lord knows that I am learning to manage myself and have issue to manage the students. He knows my fear of being bullied. Today I ask my lead instructor how to sound firm. He feels that I should know when I sound firm. Oh, I feel so speechless. I can feel that my energy depletes rapidly. Is it due to me learning to manage 40 students in an hour? Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Discern Own Style

You need to be discerning
The books you read is others’ perspectives
Good to read and learn
You still need to discern own style

Returning myself into
Younger days
A new better person
Than my younger days

Stronger observation skills
Sharpening my mind and hands
Sensitivity levels escalates and deepens
Being appreciative every single things in life

Being myself in Jesus
Into the person He wants me to be
Through the way He makes me
Comfortable with myself

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 6 May 2016

I am calling the company’s customer. Suddenly, the supervisor from the account payable department comes to my desk about the data entry in SAP. I get a shock. After the call, I immediately go to her desk. SAP data entry shows my name about the wrong data entry done by my close friend. So I explain that I have the data entry access but my friend uses it to do data entry. When she uses mine then I use hers. I clarify that I don’t have accounting background so mostly I do update customer, clearing account and viewing invoices part. She seems surprised. I’ll inform my friend after her meeting. Thank God her meeting has ended so I inform her that the account department looks for her regards to data entry. My friend approaches her and owns her doings. I begin to understand another quiet lady colleague’s difficult position. A colleague ever said that she is fierce. However, I see her gentle, soft-spoken and full of smiles.

The animation teacher confirms on the things I learn by myself alone (observations and books), at art school, own style, and even in current storyboard class. He even explains to me to be more discerning of own style.

After the storyboard class, I walk with two classmates and the classmate whom I have a first bad impression but now better. He asks me whether I get scholarships. I answer directly no however there is a lecturer who writes a testimony for me to apply scholarship. Though I don’t get it however I have tried. Then he shares that he is going to study in Japan Osaka and work part-time. That’s good for him. I just don’t understand his soft expression towards me now. His expression and even my classmates expressions are so memorable. I feel so thankful to God and the lecturer to help me return to younger days yet much better self.

What is God doing? Is He blessing me through the school founder who funds me for current animation job? Can see from different perspectives. He is being kind towards me. A way to secure future job in his studio. I feel so grateful.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Care in Drawing

Care what I draw
Know the characters well
Be the character

Tell the stories through my drawing
Acting through my fingers
Brings clarity in the drawing

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 4 May 2016

The animator who is the teacher explains exactly what I am going through. Because the things I do and go through can’t be expressed in words. Now, I can express it better in words.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Correct Perception Yet Emphatic

Sarcastic tone and remark
Sparks fire inside
Word of God pours cold water into the sparks
Perceive such classmate difficult to work

One week later
The classmate reveals
True reason
One bad experience
True colours

For art sake
He chooses to forsake relationship
Chooses not to drag down
Those whom he cares

One unpaid freelance experience
Stop him from pursuing his passionate job
His sketches style is good and strong
Correct perception yet emphatic

Realising own
Style being too soft
Soft towards others too
Learning to protect boundaries yet can help

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 4 May 2016

A classmate whom I have a bad impression of being sarcastic to me. Furthermore, I feel pissed off towards him for saying relationship doesn’t matter. On the way to the train, he reveals that he choose not to be attached so that he doesn’t dragged whom he cares down. Because he wants to do art. Even if he ends as a roadsweeper, he doesn’t bring them down. Upon revealing he is not paid as a freelancer, I feel pity for him. I never expect my perception of him had happened because I feel he is not easy to work with. He looks surprised upon knowing my studies in animation at a well known art school through another classmate and freelance experience in cartooning.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Is It A Hope?

Autism test day is nearing
My good friend airs out her grievances let me
Decide to leave or convert to permanent
My heart is prepared to tender resignation
Would a company accept an autistic?

Wishing to do my best as unto my Lord
Share to my friend about certain issue in job
Realising my friend and I are different
She is fast and strong
The Lord blesses me a different strength

Speak to a colleague
Not to assume
Share my experiences in IT and Arts
Clarify I understand each part little bit
Prefers creative job

Show a contact photo
Pointing a creative department
A surprise
Labeled being a good person
Promises to ask for me

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 28 April 2016

Thank God and thankful for CMF to mean well in her guidance how to speak to customers who refuses to pay. After lunch, we are waiting for the traffic light to turn green. Her unhappy tone, “You can choose to leave or convert to permanent staff” hurts me. The more I choose to leave earlier. Maybe my cell members are right. It’s hard for good friends to work together. Her words linger in my mind. Do I say anything wrong with a colleague yesterday? I talk to her like talking with a friend. Just now, during the lunch I unknowingly talk with a colleague’s supervisor. She means that next time I shouldn’t talk about the communication workshop in the company. She is a manager and doesn’t have time to go for such event. That hurts and make me cry too. I know she means well. Impossible for her to feel unhappy that I talk with other colleague like a friend. My heart is prepared to resign the job especially with the autism test result.

I print an invoice to post. Suddenly, my colleague asks me how to put the logo into the invoice. I don’t know. I walk towards the man and let him see the printed invoice. Then I explain it is generated from the accounting system. I’m stunned with an alien TID word. Next my colleague walks towards his table and I follow him. He opens his computer and login into the accounting system. He points to the SAP menu. Then he explains that TID refers to SAP menu. I clarify that I don’t have accounting background. I enter into the company because CMF refers and I need a stable job. My experience is in IT and arts. However, I know those areas little bit. I still prefer Creative job. Then he opens the contacts page and show the photo of the man in the Creative department. He’ll ask for me and I thank him to do so. Heavenly Father, thank you for today’s conversation with a colleague. He shows the photo of the person in charge of the Creative department. Then he says he’ll ask for me about the job opportunity in the Creative department. If this is from You, please open the door into the Creative department. In Jesus’ name I ask and pray. Amen.

Lord, where are You going to place me?

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Unbelievable Answered Limbo

Expecting communication skills guidance
Only to go through colour tests
Choosing the words that describe myself best
Listening to the instructions
Choosing the words in the cards describe me
Exchanging the cards not representing self with others
Return to respective seats

Coach instructs everyone
Count the most dominant colour cards
Thus I categorise and count
Arranging cards accordion to colour
Speechless with the colour card quantity
Four blue cards
Four green cards
Four yellow cards
Two red cards

Then he calls out those with most green cards
I lift up my hand
Explain green are yes people
Next he calls out the most blue cards
I lift up my hand
Explain blue are logical and negative people
The third call is the most yellow cards
I lift up my hand
Explain yellow are imaginative cheerful people
Fourth is red cards
My hand is on the table
He questions my red cards
Only two cards

Privately share my perspective of a map
Look like a flying bird to the coach
Due to I hear everybody answers America
Do I see wrongly?
Assures me
Nothing wrong with me
Due to belong to yellow card
Sudden revelation I tend to see things
In the bigger picture
An unbelievable answered limbo
The reason I don’t feel a sense of belonging

Inside my mind
Questions and wondering
What is God doing in my life?
Is God revealing about myself?
In the system training
My cell member’s questions are answered
Prepared to give her answer and informs her
Then I rush to the bathroom

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 27 April 2016

The communication workshop enables me to understand myself better. I just need to make sure the words in the cards describe me clearly. Huh? Suddenly, I’m surprised that my most cards are red, green and blue. Basically, I have four cards for each green, blue and yellow. And two red cards. I’m surprised to hear from the Lumina coach that I am well-balanced. That’s not what I want to hear. Then he forces us to choose one card out of all cards. I choose the yellow card, “my imagination leads me to no sense of reality”. However, the ideas have been executed and workable to solve the problem because I am a quiet person. So the coach separates us according to our colour choice. CMF is standing at the green whereas I stand at the yellow. However, the coach explains that I’m everywhere and well-balanced. I feel so sad to be separated from my friend. I share to the coach privately that I see American map as the bird. Hoping to understand myself. He reveals that I think of the bigger picture. I feel speechless because I can’t believe myself about myself.

In the system training and e-appraisal workshop, the person in charge explains how to use the system and welcome questions. My cell member’s question is answered. The transaction can be seen from system website seeing yesterday’s transactions.

Thank God for the courage to speak out and ask another colleague about IT and media department. She asks my experiences so I share from IT and arts background. I study in information system. However, due to my curiousity I manage to repair computer. When I ask about media department, my colleague reveals it is under marketing advertisement department. Suddenly, CMF rebukes me not to say such things unless I have a close friend in that department. That sends me an unhappy signal. Afterwards, I send message to her whether she is unhappy with me. She clarifies that she is concerned of me. In the lift, she carries my bag to see its weight. She mentions it is heavy and asks the things I bring. It is sketchbook, pencils, purse, cards, iPad and other miscellaneous stuffs.

The peace at the cell group meeting with SS, Lita, J and PL. I inform my cell member on the cut off date and viewing transaction. Glad for the peaceful clarification of declaring God’s Words to PM. Her questions are answered during continuing the Bible Study titled Spirit Soul and Body. After Josephine shares her husband and her unhappiness with her mother in law, I begin to share about Internet service provider issue and maid issue with my husband. My cell leader immediately assumes and pronounces her judgment to let my son takes shower by himself. I can sense it is pointless to explain. I feel so overpowered. In the end, I choose to shut my mouth. Because they don’t fully listen. So I just ask for prayer for the maid’s issue.

As we walk towards the carpark, my cell leader holds my left hand. My cell leader apologises that they don’t understand me well enough because we just get along since last October. Apology is accepted. It’s not the time to speak it out first. Appreciate for the cell leader’s leader gives us a lift to the nearby train station.

On my way home, suddenly I receive an email from CMF asking, “Where are you?” That causes my imagination runs wild. Do I make a mistake again? Or is she trying to clarify herself?

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Newcomer Becomes Rubbish Bin

Delegate job is understandable
Due to busy schedule
In order to focus on the important tasks
Attend meetings

Inside I disagree
Delegate job task to the newcomer
Due to frustration towards slow computer
Then play games

Boiling flames due to fatigue
Seek the Lord to distinguish my flames
My good friend sees enormous tasks and remind my job scope
Speaks to the supervisor on my behalf

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 26 April 2016

Suddenly, my supervisor asks me to help my colleague to relieve her from a task. As she guides me along, she is frustrated of her slow computer. Then my supervisor also shows the way and explains it takes half a day to do so. Upon completing it for two hours, I question my colleague’s claim. Because I walk towards my supervisor to ask my pay, my colleague is playing her mobile game. Inside I am boiling. I cry to the Lord on this.

While I am rushing my work, I begin to understand the one whom I replace choose to leave.

In the end, I open my mouth to my friend when she asks about the macro. I don’t have the time to continue the macro automation due to doing too many tasks. Because inside I cry to God that everybody tends to throw their jobs to me. Why am I like the rubbish bin? I am not a rubbish bin. I learn it the hard way. Next time, I need to gently refuse and explain the reason. Inside I cry to the Lord for mentors to guide me in animation and teaching in primary schools.

Therefore, she speaks on my behalf to our supervisor that I am so busy to concentrate on the macro. She sees and understands me of being full loaded. I really appreciate her to explain that I have done the most difficult part. Just left the final simple part of macro.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Needing Intervention

Own friend is away attending meeting
Lunchtime with supervisor and male colleagues
On the way to nearby food stall
Supervisor offers to convert
Temporary to a permanent position
Awaiting me to give green light
Seek my opinion
Let me to do consideration

As expected of such ending
Inside calling unto my Lord
What should I do?
Needing my Lord for intervention
Remembering my vow unto the Lord
Awaiting His green light
For a mentor and a group of team
Executing the business idea

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Inspiration On: Monday, 18 April 2016

Thank God and thankful for many events. CMF guides me though she says that she doesn’t fully understand and has past experience in her previous company. Mum and brother ask about my new job. I can only answer as it is. I don’t understand. When I repeat my friend’s words, they also get a shock and speechless.

My ex-mentor to give me the green light to do plugin freelance job offered by her friend who is capable without IT knowledge yet understanding. She also explain not to force myself too much. Do I look that way? How can my ex-mentor tell?

Since CMF goes for meeting, my supervisor asks me out to lunch with other male colleagues. A colleague’s wife works in a graphic design company who receives a long deadline to do the work. That’s amazing. I wish to work there, Lord. My supervisor seeks my opinion to convert me to permanent staff. I respond that I make mistakes and trying to cope. He keeps on comforting me that I cope well. So I instantly respond to let me consider. Inside I am crying to God knowing such an end. Lord, please open the door to the media industry. So that I can fulfill my vow to You. Strangely, my animation lecturer words echoes “when people have confidence in you, they will invest in you”. Then I am reminded of Ha asks me on the children’s media job since I am looking for it. Because I need the experience.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Many Events

Referred a client
God’s favour through my ex-mentor
Grateful for the opportunity
Being transparent
In my interest yet willing to learn
Willing to reduce price
Awaiting for green light to start

Own husband chooses to
Accede to the new maid’s request
Sending her back to the agent
Notion of him pretend to forget
Irritates me off
Signaling me he does it in purpose
Impatiently reminding today’s class
He points out my tone so I restrain it

Seeking God towards the nearby church
Preaching in loving God
Through loving others
What is God doing?
Appreciate mum’s help to send my son home
Rush to attend biblical married couple course
Meet a sister and take the same bus
Reach the church building

In the course
Disappointed with self
Not realizing the nudge from my Lord
Before anything happens
The worse I feel to disappoint my Lord
Feel like a fool
For being caring too much
Own pride is gone

Awaken of own’s strengths and mistakes
Admit to say
I don’t want to follow my parents footsteps
1 Corinthians 10:12-14 enables me
Summing myself
I do get affected by others easily
Own dad’s words echo “don’t be scared easily”
The more I understand my son

Ending the class admitting to my cell members
I do get affected by others easily
They respond wanting me to speak up
But I choose not to talk about it
Deep reason
Unable to express the right words instantly
Giving others the wrong meaning
Awaiting God’s green light

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Inspiration On: Sunday, 17 April 2016

Today’s sermon to affirm the Lord’s guidance in my life and my belief in Jesus in the verses, “love God” and “love your neighbour as yourself”. However, still no confirmation on, “treat others as the way you want to be treated”.

My ex-mentor introduces a client to me, speaks on my behalf, asks an increase of $100 for me. Appreciate her to accept my honest feedback interested yet willing to learn.

PL, sister in Christ, looks so happy that her new maid comes. I feel so happy. And I find it funny because my husband sends the new maid to the agency. She asks my budget on my affordability to eat at food court or restaurant. Though I wish to go to hawker centre, I relent to accompany her to restaurant. Because I don’t want her to feel hot. Surprisingly, the lunch at Jack’s Place cost around $16 including tax for each person. She knows where to find affordable yet good food.

J, our cell member, joins us at Jack’s place then we attend biblical leadership course for married couples together. After the class, she helps to find a more affordable office wear.

A surprise. I see a stack of papers with the maid’s profile. Then mum informs me that my son tells his dad that he still can’t take care of himself because he is still young. Therefore, he is choosing a new maid. Among all maids, one is good.

My brother tells mum about what happen at home. Before I return home, my husband calls his mother with room door opened wide. He speaks loudly to tell his mum no need to come here and he is under frustration.

My brother informs mum on my husband’s doing. He opens the room door opened wide and calls his mother.

“What is he lying about?” That’s my instant response. My room door is widely opened. He speaks loudly to let others hear. His mum asks in mandarin, “Do you need me to go?” He responds, “No need to come. I’m under frustration.” A sudden nudge in me. Seems that my mother in law is coming.

My son often runs into my mum’s room during brushing teeth. He is driving me crazy. I slightly raise my voice him, “You don’t like me?! Do you?” Inside I lose hope.

“No,” is his reply. That baffles me.

A blog post photo flashes in my mind. She sleeps with her baby. Therefore, I go to my son’s bed and hug him before he sleeps. For the first time, he wants me to sleep beside him. Upon knowing I apply hot muscle joint pain paste, he wants me to return to my bed.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Executable Idea Submission Day

Today is the
Green initiative submission day
Sense the
Cooperative spirit
God’s favour
Through my supervisor
The son God blesses
Anticipate me to return home

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Inspiration On: Monday, 11 April 2016

CMF approaches me on the green day initiative submission. Thank God for the sudden edit the wording for the submission. I speak up to write my name rather than the two colleagues in charge of the writing. Because I’m the one who writes the coding. Or else there is going to be confusion. And I speak up that I hope to express it correctly. My supervisor assures the people can help in the write up for green day initiative submissions.

After I edit my write up, she emails to the person in charge and a carbon copy to me. Then she also attaches the PowerPoint about the green day initiative. I’m surprised that she and the macro programmer are in the champion team. When I clarify with her, she mentions that the person before her receives the champion award.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.