Frequency and Speed

Different frequency frustrates
Frustrating to put different personalities
With the same value

Frustrates one another
Until both are having a hard time
Bearing one another in love

Having the resolution
To resolve the conflict in
Christ’s love and forgiveness
Amicably


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 12 January 2016

My business mentor sends me a text message, “Praise the Lord that your hubby is attending church with you. Keep praying for breakthrough for him to be touched by God’s amazing love.”

“I hope so,” responding in hope.

“Patience. Declare and proclaim. God is working. Faith is not what we see but believe.” She encourages.

I answer, “Yes. The faith needs to be in accordance to His will.”

“Surrender your will to Him and let His will be your will.” she responds in faith.

Next I share, “I also got alarmed by the dream on Saturday midnight to morning before I attend class. Thank God for the unexpected arrangement.”

Full of her assumptions, “Hope you had shared in the post encounter class.”

“Not yet.” I answer immediately.

“Why not?” She wonders.

I’m explaining, “When everything is cleared first.” Then I testify thankfully, “My husband readily brought our son to nearby mall. My son pestered him to go.”

“Not your wisdom that you thing everything will be cleared first.” She advises.

I know it already so I answer, “Yes. Not my wisdom. Until everything comes to pass first.” Then I continue, “Then meet SS who brought us to church. I thank God to break his strong presumptions about the church at suntec. I explain to him also can’t accept. He strongly presumes that the churches at suntec are materialistic.”

“Up to you,” her response to my previous topic.

So I continue, “I try to explain more about God also can’t listen. Great for the sermon. Beyond persecution. He seems speechless. He has nothing to say. Thank God.”

“It is God who speaks not the pastor and God who causes the eye of his heart to be convicted and ears open!” She corrects. Then she questions, “What made him speechless?”

“Yes. It is God. I can only do my part. he has nothing to say against the Protestants. Great. And I thank God for that. I can relate and understand the message clearly. I thank God to help me during post encounter.” I clarify.

So fast in her opinion, “Share your dream and not think in your own wisdom you want to wait for everything to clear.”

“He enables me to point to the right verse for the given questions.” I continue on the post encounter.

She suggests, “If you wait it could be too late. As you share with the body of Christ, they can pray against the dream if it is not good or protection over you.”

“I don’t want to lose my husband. Unexpectedly, he goes to church. During intercessory prayer, I share it and the lady mentioned I need to share it to my cell leader. Then I share. They guide me to cast it down. Too soft.” I confess. My imagination guides my fingers however articulate it wrongly, “Can’t kick the devil away.” Kicking the devil away plays in my mind repetitively.

Abruptly she advises, “Never hesitate to share with your SS and CG.” She answers, “Never hesitate to share with your SS and CG.”

“Yes. SS says so.” I continue and explain further, “I realize the tone of my voice.”

So full of her opinion to get my wrong message, “By saying that you believe that Satan is greater than Jesus.”

“Nope.” I fed up in the way I express myself.

She corrects my thinking, “That what you feel by saying : Can’t kick the devil away.”

“Jesus’ authority and the tone of His voice,” I continue and feel frustrated to explain myself.

She does a screenshot of the wording, “There is power in the name of Jesus.”

“I have been thinking about the Bible,” I express.

She presses on, “The fact that you said : Can’t kick the devil away. That means you entertain the thought!” This is frustrating to talk to a fast person when I want to share about myself.

“It’s not. Can you please listen?” I plead.

Abrupt opinion, “Then can you please don’t say that!”

“Ok,” I answer instantly. Then I re-clarify, “I’m trying to say. I have been thinking about the Bible in how Jesus’ voice tone to cast out the devil.”

She says, “No, it was not what you said. The bible never said: Can’t kick the devil away.” I feel so tired talking to her and reply, “Yes”.

She exclaims, “But instead the bible cast out every demon!!!” So I apologize, “Sorry if I don’t express it correctly.”

I begin to understand the reason people misunderstands her. Because she ever asked me, “Why people misunderstand me?” She is too fast in her opinion rather than fully listen.

She pinpoints, “Don’t try to cover up your mistakes. If you don’t know something, admit you don’t know and not try to give people impression you know.” Her abrupt opinion again of me. When I don’t say I know.

“Can you please hear me out?” I plead again. Then I continue, “I have been thinking about the Bible. I am wondering about the tone of Jesus tone to cast out the devil. When Jesus rebuke the devil in Peter, “get thee behind me Satan.” In Matthew 16:23. That has been impressing my heart until now.”

Finally, she listens and responds, “Yes, and?” I feel so glad.

“Thinking about the tone of my voice.” I wonder.

She corrects, “Nothing to do with your tone of voice rather than the way of praying against the devil. How does a warrior fight? Gently or in authority?”

“In authority with love and compassion.” I’m thinking in terms of human interaction.

“You fight with the devil in love and compassion?!!!!” She loudly exclaimed. Then I realize she means spiritual realm until, “What rubbish are you talking about?”

“Nope. I thought is to hate sin but love enemy because God wants everyone to be saved. Do you mean the spiritual realm?”

“Frustrating talking to you!!! We have been taking about casting out devil!!!”

“Oh ok. No love and compassion to the devil,” I answer.

She poses a question, “You have?”

“Hatred to the devil.” I answer. Phew. This is so tiring.

Then I clarify, “Whenever I want to say something,

  1. At times thank God it is said clearly
  2. At times I feel so pulled and silenced
  3. At times I say it wrongly :(”

She expresses, “More than that : You need to stay focus on the topic and not talk about something else not related to it.”

“Got it. Thank you for this.” Finally to resolve this. Needing her voice to speak out I ask her, “Do you mind to record your voice? So that I can remember it much clearer. Thank you to do so.”

When I share about Matthew 16:23 to SS, my cell leader, I feel being heard.

I begin, “SS, I have been thinking about the Bible. I am wondering about the tone of Jesus’ tone to cast out the devil. When Jesus rebuke the devil in Peter, “get thee behind me Satan.” In Matthew 16:23. That has been impressing my heart until now.”

“What do you mean ‘Impressing’? disturb you? Or you feel He is so great to sense the devil behind Peter?” She questions.

I feel so validated and able to articulate, “I feel that He is so great to sense the devil behind Peter and can cast it away.”

“Don’t you know He is God in human form. He can even see through the heart,” she questions.

I feel better, “Yes. Those verses really makes me think a lot about Jesus.”

“Yes. What? You know He is God.” another question from her.

I comfortably answers, “Yes. He is fully God and fully Man.”

“Keep it up that He is God,” she encourages.

Thankfully I reply, “Yes. Thank you.”

“You are welcome.”

It ends better. I begin to understand the frequency between my cell leader and I. After I clarify with my business mentor, suddenly my cell leader, “Hi! Tienny, would you like to join Business mentor and myself for worship on the 15Jan, this Friday at 10am at my shop? Thanks.”

“Sure, I reply instantly.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

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Convey Message

Approach another cell leader in person
Whom I ever assist her
In door to door evangelism

The quiet dog looking at us
Its expression impresses me many times
Only to be misunderstood

Asking the Lord to enable me to articulate
Cuing her to return to that unit
Reach out to that household again


Inspiration On: Saturday, 2 January 2016

In the CG thanksgiving party, I immediately inform Mako that the household unit with the dog. That quiet dog looking at us. It impresses me a lot. It is attempting to convey a message. She misunderstood my message. She can pray for the dog. Inside my heart, “NO! That’s not what I mean.” I ask God for help to explain again. The dog is trying to convey something. I ask her to reach out to that household again. I feel so concerned of that household. course, concern is a love in action. At night, I inform her again through the text message. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Deep Deprivation

I want Jesus
Loving Him by loving others
Giving myself too much
Completely drained
Only to realize

Refusing to follow my dad’s footsteps
End myself in his footsteps
Who is deprived of his potential
Repetitively saying
Never hurt his mother
Willingly give me away to my childless uncle
Who chooses my four years elder sister
Thus she blames our
Unwilling mother to gave her away
Instead of finding the truth

Refusing to follow my mum’s footsteps
End myself in her footsteps
Who stands on her feet
Protecting her children from emotional abuse
Being rejected as my dad’s wife
Unwillingly submit to my dad to
Either gave my sister or me away

My mother in law
My husband
Hurls humiliation
Accusations towards
My parents
My good intentions
Taking my soft heart for granted
With her crocodile tears
My dad’s good intention to rebuke my husband
Pointing the main problem in his
Mother’s psychological mindsets
Highlight the importance to
Guide own mum from wrong paths

Even sowing seeds of discords
Between my parents and I
Found it by finding the truth
Between my son and I
Found it through his words
That she is afraid to come here
Afraid my dad will call police to catch her
Why does she has to say such words to a kid?!
Why does she has such presumptions?!

Enough is enough
Enough is enough
Lord, I feel so drained
Being pushed away and head knocks onto bedside
Shows his lack of self-restraint
I need to protect my boundary in Christ’s strength
Only want His will in my life


Inspiration On: Monday, 30 November 2015

I feel so worse for not being able to understand other people’s simple English message. After many repetitions of explaining the same words, then I begin to understand the message. Why is it like this? During my single days, I feel much happier and my English comprehension is better. Now, my understanding level slows down. I feel so upset. Until I tell mum that dad isn’t totally correct. He feels reading books are useless. In fact, it helps my inspiration. What’s wrong with me reading books? In fact, I do too much and repeat the same mistakes. Reading books can inspire and help me to solve in the things I do. When I tell mum about my slow comprehension, my brother comes out trying to help. Then he asks whether I need them to help me to understand the message or just for me to share. I answer to share out my frustrations.

Deep inside I feel exhausted due to loving my parents too much and want to protect them and make them happy. So when dad mentioned that girls no need to study high. Girls just need to get married. Does he ever bother to care about my thoughts? All he can is to put me down. What is wrong to do creative work? Is it because he can’t get the mechanical job thus he put his opinion onto me? Most likely. Finally, I blurt out my findings one year ago. The reason wives are abused due to their parents quickly marry them off. Many parents don’t see the importance to let their grown up daughters to gain financial independence.

Deep down in my core, I feel so dampened and helpless for not being able to protect my parents financially, to let them suffer humiliation with me and lesser times with my five years son.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Unexpected Massage

Today, it is an unexpected meeting my business mentor. she messages me that her meeting with a business consultant is postponed to next week so she doesn’t mind to meet me. She guides me how to spend $10 voucher from an expensive shop because she refuses me giving it to her. Amazingly, I find the glass jug I have been looking for. Then she brings me to nearby food court and we have a talk at a food court. She treats me fried banana and crispy nuts for snacks. I really appreciate her to call someone to find volunteer for a startup company and massage my perpetual chronic migraine. She explains it too fast that I need to learn to speak out to ask for help especially next week during the creative meeting. Oh, this is humbling.

Thank God for the opportunity and courage to tell her that the truth she said is too harsh and to explain that I can’t find the correct words to express myself because I am slow. She confesses that is the way she presents her truth. Then the scripture “speak the truth with love” comes to my mind and I state it is in proverbs. Since I am slow, she teaches me to say “excuse me, let me explain”. When she says that I love my face, I feel so speechless. It’s not about saving my face, it’s being quiet in the Lord and being caring for others.

Come to think of all these things, I have been thinking and thinking. I laugh at myself again. Why do I become a small kid again? However, this time is with a spiritual mother whom I have been wishing and needing in my life. So fierce. This spiritual mother is my business mentor and also my business partner.

In the middle of the night, I begin to search “speak the truth with love” from the scripture. It is found in Ephesians 4:15. It is not “with” but “in”. Oh no! I remember it wrongly. So I quickly message her. I wonder and wonder. What is God doing? I thought I am going to die. I thought I hear Him clearly to sacrifice the little money I have.

The Love of Books and Videos

Do we love 
Books
For entertainment or learning?

Do we love 
Videos
For entertainment or learning?

Entering another world of
Books and videos 
As a form of escape
Release our tension 
Living in this world
Resting from our weary hearts and minds
Seeking to be comforted 
To be living in a dream

Do books and videos 
Strengthen us? 
Correct our assumptions?
Imbue empathy in us?
Widen our horizon?
Or justify our actions?
Or elevate own prejudices?
Or add more fuel to our anger?
Or cause us to commence to sin?

Should we be more discerning
On the books and videos
We consume?


Inspiration On: Saturday, 12 April 2014 at 5:25am
Inspiration Ends On: Friday, 28 August 2015 at 10:44am

I was stuck in the first stanza. Therefore, this poetry was left untouched. Today, I look at this again. Everything flows well and give the final conclusion. Wish you all have good days and thank you. 

Being An Ambidextrous

Writing with a left hand
On the post-it notes
Seems nostalgic

It has been ages to begin
Writing with a left hand
At the age of three

Only to be dissuaded from using left-hand
It is a scar to remember those times
Being forced to learn

Writing with my right hand
Though I have been writing with my right hand
Left hand and feet are my first reactions

Being too compliant to force myself
Writing with my right hand
Seeking acceptance and to love my parents
Knowing they care

Hoping to blend with the common people
Blending like a chameleon
Writing with my right hand
As a camouflage to be accepted as the norm

But
Left hand and feet are my first reactions
In whatever I do
Right hand and feet are the next movements

Living a confused life
Only to find out the real me
After marriage and teaching my son

My left hand automatically draws and writes
A surprising realisation
Only to be treated as the odd ones in my family

Yes, they care about me
Yet I feel suppressed to comply to their opinions
Because I care about how they feel

Only when my suppression grows worse
The more I am against their opinions for not understanding me
Wishing only Jesus, my Lord and Saviour

Though they mean it for good
God means it for my own good too

Being an ambidextrous


Inspiration On: Friday, 3 July 2015 at 7:43pm
Inspiration Ends On: Wednesday, 8 July 2015 at 5:35pm

It has been ages for me to write with my left hand. It feels good and sentimental to remember my younger days. The more I understand myself and feeling strange about myself for being the odd one in my family. Hope this poetry able to comfort others who go through the same thing as I do. You are not alone. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Diverse to Complement

We are too diverse
Yet
We complement each other

Complement each other’s strengths
But
Diverseness also causes conflict

Do humans’ weaknesses cause conflict?
Or
Strengthen each other to overcome

An understanding and loving heart and mind
Helps
A repentant heart and mind


Inspiration On: Thursday, 4 June 2015 at 1:10am

Mum C’s poem titled We are twisted moves me to birth this poetry. Wish you all have good days and thank you.