Good Actions with Good Intention Withdraws

Intending to learn cooking
According to mum’s guidance
Joyfully checking my mobile phone
A sudden message from own husband
Instil a bad sense into my heart and mind

Needing solace and peaceful environments
Recharging my whole being and mind
Immediately leaving the house
Towards the nearby library
Awaiting mum and son

Pouring to the Lord
Asking the Lord a few times
Should I take on the mini project?
A project my ex-mentor refers to me
Needing the Lord in every small decisions

Make two big rounds into every part of library
All seat are fully occupied and need the toilet
Asking the Lord for a seat with power plug
The me returns after the toilet break
An empty seat and I occupy it

Use the MacBookAir that
The Lord blesses for many minutes
Sudden sense to notice the battery level
Before it prompts and warns me for energy
Immediate sense to stand and roam for a seat

Roaming into another part near the corner Noticing a lady leaves and I found a seat
Placing books onto it and return to the
First seat to move own things over
Charging all devices and phones

Mum and son finds me to
Have dinner together with the maid
Suggesting how to settle and speak out
A strong sense knowing it is pointless to say
Still need to face him and to speak out my point

Strength enters into heart and mind to face him
Observe his tone to insist returning the maid
Speaking out in order to reason with him
Letting him to open our drawer to keep
The maid’s passport

By pretending to leave the room
Informing own mother to call dad back
Return to own room and to see the truth
He locks it in his own drawer immediately
Then he takes shower and sound very happy

When I want to speak with our son
He calls our son loudly from the room
To speak with his mother on the phone
Our son speaks to her that the maid returns
On Monday will be on his own and by himself

Why would our son says so?
O Lord, which one is the truth?
What are You doing, Lord God?
Full of questions yet marvel my Lord
Trusting Him with process of my destination

---

Inspiration On: Saturday, 16 April 2016

Last night, my mum prepares lunch and dinner for my husband and I. I intend to heat up the food and fully cook it.

Last night, my husband messages me, “Tomorrow after lunch please bring maid to the maid agency train stop (including her passport & permit). Will meet you there to send her back to agent. Thks”

“Sorry. I can’t do it so soon.” I respond immediately.

Today, my mum treats new maid and her grandson lunch and dinner. My elder sister to get zoo tickets for mum, brother, my son, and new maid. Actually, she wants to invite our brother’s girlfriend. However, she can’t make it. So I let the maid goes to the zoo.

Today, I intend to cook dinner for my husband and I. Upon checking my mobile phone, I see his message, “Why cannot? Is after lunch. The reason I ask u to bring her to the train station is because I work morning, so no need to come back & bring her out again.” That message causes me to have cold feet. I feel disappointed. I respond, “My sister has tickets to the zoo. So she and our son go to the zoo.”

“Where is the maid?” he enquires.

Am I unclear? I’m implying the maid goes to the zoo with our son. Quickly I reply, “She goes to the zoo.”

He assumes, “I thought u said ur sister & our son go to zoo? Why become maid go zoo? Who else going zoo? I need to bring her back to agent. What time maid be back? Thks”

“The “she” means the maid. She’ll be back after dinner.” I clarify.

In the end, instead of exercising after lunch, I quickly leaves the house to go to the nearby library. Because I need a peaceful environment to quiet down and recharge rather than a conflicting environment. It feels good to be in the library and doing something and wait for mum to return home with my son. My dad’s words keep echoing, “don’t be scared easily”. So I ask the Lord for strength and courage.

When my son gives the new maid sweets, she answers his grandma says cannot. Sudden acute sense the maid lies. Knowing the Lord makes me realise this.

My son confides in me that his dad blames him for bringing new maid to the zoo. So I want to tell mum. Mum tells me my son confesses to her. He tells the maid to say she doesn’t want to go back to agent and she wants to stay here. However, she replies that she is scared to say so. I disbelieve the maid’s words. Because yesterday she can cause
my husband to wake me up to bring her to work.

The courage to speak out to my husband that the maid cannot return to the agent easily. She needs to wait for the new replacement. It is likened to working for people. When you want to leave, you can not instantly leave. You need to wait for the new replacement. He doesn’t respond. Sensing strange feelings when my husband calls our son loudly to listen to the phone. Our son talks on the phone to his grandmother that he will be independent at home since the maid will return to the agent tomorrow.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Standing Up Again To Be Criticized

The joy of the Lord is improving my thoughts
Watching movie as a family excites me
Only to be criticized
Not being detailed
Without realizing my struggle
Standing up again
Striving to get my structure back

---

Inspiration On: Wednesday, 16 December 2015

I bring my son out to due to missing the time with him. Doing the butterfly sticker with him. I miss this. After putting him and the maid at the playground, I go to the library to do work. I didn’t able to complete all the task list. This is so frustrating. At home, after dinner I want to complete the resume and portfolio. However, my husband bugs me that our son wants to watch ‘Snoopy Movie’. I relent due to feeling guilty not spending family time enough. Now I begin to see the same pattern continues. No wonder my career suffers. In the end, the resume and portfolio that I need to send by email is at the back burner.

The movie begins from the protagonist who owns A dog named Snoopy. I can relate to Charlie Brown who does his best in everything he does. My son and I enjoy it but not my husband.

Upon reaching home, my parents point out not to tire my son to bring him for movie. It is due to him not taking nap. Then dad shares his findings about the white blood cell in my urine sample in mandarin. The best doctor is gynecologist. Then they advise me to tell to my husband to search it rather than making a big round. I have told him during dinner time. He concludes to let me decide. I decide to find the gynecologist. They keep commenting that I do not listen to them. But this time the Lord has enabled me to be ahead of their concern. Mum tells me to observe my son more due to my maid isn’t doing enough. Then she boasts that she is very detailed. However, I feel she is not so detailed. Why? I have to tell her that the maid ate the food I ate. My brother had a flat feet. They only know it when my brothers and I are in our 20s. I’m trying my best to stand up again. When I begin to stand up again, they begin to make me feel more guilty. They don’t even know I am struggling especially losing my structure. Parents are full of their opinions and think highly of themselves. Still say they understand me. However, they don’t. Well. I learn a lesson from Snoopy movie. He doesn’t bother his friends. Therefore, he can complete his homework essay. My business mentor is right. People’s opinions tend to get the better of me. I shouldn’t be bothered. I care too much for them to get married. The quotes gate is right stating, “You can do 99 things for someone and all they’ll remember is the one thing you didn’t do.” I have enough of this. No wonder my working mood is lost at home.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Beyond

Accident phone cable pulls out
Attempting to repair and replace
Useless attempts

Beyond repair
Beyond help
Beyond understanding scope

Seek my help
God blesses the work of my hands
The phone is alive again

Respond
Handle with care
Maintain well
Take good care

That scares him off
Choosing to let me handle those
Since young I have been seeking to understand

---

Inspiration On: Sunday, 13 December 2015

There are guests coming for the Cell Group Christmas party. I re-learn to welcome them again. When I am assigned as a group leader with four kids, I feel awkward. However, I learn to accept responsibility as a leader though reluctant. When it is too noisy, my ears can’t take it. It’s good they have a good time. My son is also having a good time.

SS chats with my son. He says he doesn’t like his dad. What? Do I overhear it correctly?

At night, my son is talking with his grandmother (dad’s side). I feel much happier to leave the room and drink detox tea in the kitchen. He moves his body a lot until pulling down the phone and its cable. So the communication is totally cut off. His dad scolds him for not listening and always pulling the cable. Then he attempts to repair it to no avail. The phone rings at my parents’ room. He chooses to tell my son to answer the phone than answering the phone himself. Immediately, he uses his mobile phone to call back and explain the situation.

My husband says that now he chooses to think openly. That makes him much happier. Life is short. Finally, he comes to such conclusion. Then he explains the phone cable issue. I look at it. He opens the phone cable box socket to let me see. No cables are cut off. I close the box off. Next I see the cable is pulled out. Scrutinize it closely. The red and blue is totally cut off. The cable is beyond repair. So I use the other cable for the printer fax machine as the replacement. It works perfectly. He says that he has tried it but it doesn’t work. Maybe he doesn’t plug the head deeply. Suddenly, I am reminded of my previous full time job working days. My two female employees were being bullied by the server. Whenever they switched it on, the server refused to switch on. However, when WC and/or I switched it on, it switched on out of fear. It was the joke and so true. Therefore, I joke with my husband that the cables dislike him and bully him due to his lack of understanding towards them. Then I joke more. Who ask him to bully me? That’s why the cables bully him back. He speaks out to let me handle all those. I respond to let him learn. And conclude to him, “handle with care and maintain well.” Because I remember him saying to throw rather than repair. I believe to maintain and repair.

Thanks for reading my poetry and hope this poetry minister and bless you.

Problem Solving

Others need help
I readily lend my help
Solve their problems
Through listening then speak on their behalf
Problems are solved
They are happy
Even I am happy for them

My own problems paralyze me
Others lend their help
Solve my problems
Through listening and speak own my behalf
Amazingly my problems are solved
I feel so appreciative
They are happy for me

---

Inspiration On: Wednesday, 25 November 2015

Suddenly, my husband shows his concern and asks about the result of MacBookAir repair. I share as it is. I’m shocked for him to give me $300 to send for repair. He even mentions to give me November and December allowance in a given day. Wait for end of year sale to buy MacBookAir. He becomes so loving and gives me a kiss. Strange. How does God works? Does my dad’s words create a big impact in him? I can solve others’ problem. But I can’t solve my own problem until others offer their help. Embarrassing!

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Toxic of Jealousy

Unsightly family harmony
Pick a quarrel
Enjoy fighting
With words
Lashing painful words
Seeking to control
Seeking to destroy
The new family

Jealousy control
Giving evil reign
Upon self
Seeking others’ fault
Blind to own’s fault
No wonder people
Stand afar from
An unrepentant heart
A blind mind
A deaf ear
Assuming others like
The unrepentant heart’s
Hypocritical mindset
Misunderstand others’
Kindness and goodwill

Influence her own good friend
To believe her speech
To believe she is victim
Misunderstand others’
Messages
Wrong perception of others
Kindness and goodwill
Confronting me for shouting
At his good friend
Without searching the truth
Without asking my reason

---

Inspiration On: Wednesday, 17 July 2013 at 12:34am
Inspiration Ends On: Friday, 19 July 2013 at 6:52pm
Compiled On: Friday, 19 July 2013 at 7:44pm

Reading Darky Blue’s poetry at http://darkyblue.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/how-many-is-too-many/ reminded me of my friend’s case whom i just shared her experience.

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Her nurse friend whom she confided to diagnose her with depression for the situation I have shared through my previous poetry for her. Her dad who recently told her that if she didn’t explain the truth she will be miserable and people will continually bully her. Because she felt that it was useless for her to say so since her husband won’t believe her words and he believed his mother’s words more than her. What’s the point for her to say more? Wasting her time. She didn’t want her marriage to be broken. Her nurse friend helped her to pray and queried whether she ever eat a medicine from a doctor. Yes was her reply, but it had stopped. So her friend suggested to her to see again to let the medicine help her to relax. Her friend and I also don’t want to see her to be taken away to the mental hospital.

After many requests for her husband’s contact, she hesitantly wrote down her husband’s number with trembling hands. Her nurse friend who called her husband that she was with his wife, he was happy. Unexpectedly, her husband was shocked with her nurse friend who divulged she had suicidal attempts. Alarmed not to worry her husband, she tried to stop her nurse friend for saying so. But it was too late. He immediately rushed to fetch her. Her nurse friend comforted her that her husband still care for her.

Sending her to the mrt station to meet her husband, she seemed reluctant to follow her husband. But her nurse friend introduced herself and asked him to love her and protect her. He willingly agreed. Holding hands, he gently explains the reason he scolded her for giving the feeling his mother was unwelcomed. All she thinks are to move her brother’s things out of the room, but expressed it wrongly due to thinking visually with wrong words. Her father had discussed the problem with him amicably and resolved to let him be the middle person. If there is unhappiness, his mother and her dad will go to him. This is due to her dad is worried for her not being able to convey the message correctly. Peace is restored. Since he had apologized to mother and dad, he hoped her to apologize to his mother. When she was going to apologize, the phone rang. It was her sister in law confronting her for shouting. Angered by those words and realizing her mother in law’s dishonesty, she went to bathroom to pray for God’s help to forgive her mother in law just as He had forgiven her. Having showered helped to cool down and apologize to her mother in law. Shocked with her reactions to immediately hug her and also apologize for her own fault.

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Being alone in her house, she felt peaceful and can concentrate on her freelance work. Her parents went out. Her mother in law schedules her son’s playground at her brother in law’s house. While her husband and her holding hands together guiding the way, the helper observed her mother in law looked very angry, instead of being happy for her son. Her helper told her in the middle of the night before sleep. She had been wondering why her mother in law was so jealous of her.

Friday, 19 July 2013

Yesterday, she had fixed an appointment with her previous neurology. Today, her neurology told the same thing to her to tell her husband the truth what she had been through with her mother in law. The truth will let her husband to think. Not her to do so all the time. If she continues to keep quiet, she will be miserable. He also reminded her of the wedding woes to share to her husband her troubles. Unhappy with this, she had been wondering and didn’t wish to hurt her mother in law.

Everyone’s Basis of Statement through Analysis from her previous talk. Her mother in law went through divorce at the age of 30 for her husband left her for another woman. Her husband’s siblings rebuked and blamed her for being too brawling. So he couldn’t stand her.

But my friend feels what that has got to do with her. What does she has to make her mother in law jealous?

As The Sun Arise

As the sun arise
Prepare before school commences
Sitting in an opened fridge
Munching breakfast, brush teeth, change to uniform
Hop into kijang’s middle seat
My father drives with mother besides him
My little brother is next to me
Queuing, passing by numerous cars into lanes and streets
Then immediately reach school
Throw my bag onto my seat
The school bell rings
And rush to march.

As the sun arise
Loud horrifying crows’ sound
Startled me from dreamland
Though can not sleep
Quiet time gives strength
Immediately, prepare to go
To work without hassle.

As the sun arise
Little birdies are chirping
Chirping with melody enters
My dreamy ears and
Heard in my dreamland
Cooling air-conditioner suddenly auto-stops
A cute voice calls
Waking me from dream
My head turn right
Capturing a pleasant sight
Who is greeting me
With his captivating smile
Compelling my heart to
Walk towards my toddler
Where he lovingly gives
Three morning greetings with
A caring hair rub
And so do I
Then we pray together
And push his cot
Out of the room
Feeding milk, change clothes,
Wet wipe his face
To freshen him up
Next, dry wipe and
Time to be together.

---

Inspiration On: Tuesday, 24 July 2012 at 2:48pm
Inspiration Ends On: Sunday, 29 July 2012 at 1:45am.

As I reminisced about my Tuesday’s experiences of having a two years old toddler, the inspiration in the third paragraph was birthed out.

Furthermore, my memories during my youth and children were sparked and depicted at the first and second paragraph.

Later on, I revised it upon referring back to it repeatedly.

God really amazes me to unexpectedly leading me into poetry for not being an eloquent speaker.

Deep Buried Feelings

Deep buried feelings were kept somewhere.
Painful memories were left unidentified for ten years.
Not ten years, more than that.
Unknowingly, it was planted since young.
It was sowed seed by seed.

Motivation of study is from external source.
Motivation of study only comes from mother.
No inner motivation to do so.
No sense of purpose in life.
No compass to guide me.
Only my parents are my compass.

We followed mother to her chosen destination to give us good future.
We lived in an uncle’s house due to lack of finance.
With my own eyes, I saw my mother being bullied.
I wish to stand strong, but I’m weak.
I’m standing at the corner.
I feel lost.
Angry with my self!
Why am I so slow?
Why am I a weakling?
Leave me alone.
I just wish to be quiet.

A slight headache.
Someone came to my rescue.
It is like a Light enters my heart.
There is a sense of purpose.
I need to stand strong.
I can’t!
But in the Light I can.

A door is closed.
But He opens a window.
A window opens my mind to marriage.

With just a few words through written message,
My past deep feelings were dug out.
No, I think I found out now.
Now I found out what it is.
Found out the root cause to fear of marriage.
It is the very seed that takes root in my heart since young.
It shaped my thinking.
It also shaped my heart.

---

Expressed on: Friday, 07 November 2008.