Learn from Mistake

Reduce time loss
Learning from mistake
Grateful to barely survive
Humbled to seek
Prayers from cell group


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 2 February 2016

Oh no! I wake up at 7:30am. I didn’t hear the alarm rings. Immediately, I wake my five years old son up many times. He requests me again to carry him out of the bed. I slightly raise my voice. He goes down his bed. Rushing him like a mad puppy. Thank God to settle everything in 15 minutes and punctual for the school bus.

Instead of bringing him out for lunch, I choose to pack lunch and dinner home before he returns and during his nap time. That saves me a lot of time so I can do my work and submit it via email. BL puts a deadline that I need to complete my CV by this Thursday. I feel so pressured to edit it but appreciate it. Lord, please help me!

In the end, I choose to inform my cell group members for prayers and to be honest about my situation. My parents are returning tomorrow night. Oh yeah, I need to explain that I am bartering service with a startup.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

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Barely Survive

RING! RING!
Alarm rings
Immediate awake
Rush to my son to wake up
Request to be carried
Brain is boiling!
Again request to be carried
Hot steam blows out of my head
Abruptly goes down the bed

Sleepy eyes
Rushing him
Slowly walk around
Drink milk slowly
Sleepily
A fast child but slow to wake up
Feel drained
Due to opposite personalities


Inspiration On: Monday, 1 February 2016

I wake my five years old son up many times. He requests me repetitively to carry him out of the bed. Hot steam pour out of my head and lose my temper to go down his bed. So he goes down his bed. Waking him up nicely and still want me to carry him? He is 26kg and I can’t carry him anymore.

Oh no! The previous two helpers often carry him out of bed. No wonder he expects to be carried. My body can’t carry too heavy. Many times I carry heavy things, my chronic migraine worsens.

Rushing him to drink milk though he is still sleepy, wipe his face and change his clothes. Due to his slowness, I lose my temper and the bus driver scolds me for calling twice to my phone twice.

Then I realize that I need to train the new helper to let him go down his own bed.

Uncle WY forgot to call me due to rushing homework and for night pastoral bible class. Oh, I need his advise how to handle those who sow discord in the family and the church.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Recent Memories

Recent Memories erupts
Recent memories hurts much
A child’s cry etched deeply

“Not me!”
“Not me!”
“I’m not the one who kills the fish!”

“Not me!”
“Not me!”
“I’m not the one who kills the fish!”

“Daddy is the one who reduced the water!”
“I don’t kill the fish!”
“Not me!”

Out of fear
Of my husband’s false accusation to occur
I comfort him
Hugging him
I’ve seen the truth
The one who lays hands on his pet fish is
His dad
Can sense my son calms down
The Lord hears his cries


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 28 October 2015 at 9:25pm

Strangely, I am reminded of the dream where my husband walks towards the coffin and stands besides it. However, the fear inside me is almost gone. Is God answering my prayer to take my life away after I fulfill my vow instead of Lih Shien? Why would God’s message spoke to me during my friend’s mother’s funeral wake keeps echoing? “Those who wants to die, can’t die. However, those who don’t want to die, will die.”

Old Memories

Old Memories
Old memories are returning
Younger days
Childhood days
Playful days
Fun days
Hobby days
Laughter days
Am I returning to a child?
Why do everyone treats me like a child?


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 28 October 2015 at 9:15pm

Today, I am late by half an hour for the part-time admin job. I thank the Lord and appreciate my supervisor who is so concerned to tell me to leave by 5pm because she doesn’t want me to be locked in the office. Then she gently explain to me to inform her if I have problem reaching office by 8:30am. During performing my duties, I feel so calm and remember my childhood days. Why is my life restarting?

Digged Out Memories

Oh no! Today, I am nervous awaiting for the bus. In fact, I should leave house at 7:30am. My migraine is aching a lot. In the end, I reach around 9am instead of 8:30am. YY is so concerned to tell me to leave by 5pm because she doesn’t want me to be locked in the office. Then she gently explain to me to inform her if I have problem reaching office by 8:30am.

JWF to ask me about the photo cleaning editing to erase the mannequin wearing the clothes. She needs help in this area.

While I am doing the part-time admin job, I feel pressured on my deadline to fulfill my vow unto the Lord. What is He doing in my life? BL gives her feedback about my animation script is full of grammar errors and the story is not enough. She introduces ‘The Lorax” and to read other children’s book. The good feedback from my screenwriters are not according to her standard. However, I keep quiet about being scouted by a hollywood screenwriter for my high concept. Then she reveals that she works in an advertising agency and has worked on scriptwriting. That’s amazing. Then she mentions that Vincent and I make her worried. So she wants to help me. I don’t understand which part of my speech sounds defensive to her. However, I appreciate her kind gesture. I see the Lord doesn’t give up on me. Does my business mentor contacts BL about me? I wonder. I feel like saying thank you to her.

The way CW does make me worried. I ask him not to send the logo picture using GJ’s and LS’a names. I appreciate his concern. He is angry due to his dad creates logo competition in Jakarta. Thus I explain to him that’s not the way to do so. Let God does the judging though WA has prejudices towards him. Maybe yes maybe no.

Strangely, I am reminded of my husband besides the coffin dream without much fear anymore. Is God answering my prayer to take my life away after I fulfill my vow instead of my husband? Why would God’s message spoke to me during a friend’s mother’s funeral wake keeps echoing? “Those who wants to die, can’t die. However, those who don’t want to die, will die.”

During dinner, my mum keeps on telling me to listen to her ways to read the Bible at night. She can only say her own opinions. “Why can’t you immediately wake up?” Inside my heart, I just want God’s Words to fill my heart and mind. Then I am surprised with my reply to her. Then you try to walk in my shoes. Before my migraine, I can wake up immediately. Ever since my migraine begins, it’s hard for me to immediately wake up. She keeps on asking whether the chronic migraine began during chiropractic. I can’t remember. All she does is jump to conclusion that it is chiropractic. She concludes not to find chiropractic. Inside my heart, I am filled with many questions of life. Why does she blames the doctor?

Loathe Life

Just a few judgmental words
Triggers
The buried excruciating past

As the past haunts deeply
Overcome
The perception towards the speaker

Overcomed with the dread of being
Taken advantage
Auto self-protection switches on

Either flight or fight
Loathing
Own’s foolishness to be too trusting

Another self awaits to
Emerge
Triumphantly build fences of boundaries


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 31 April 2015 at 9pm

My friends and I are facing issues of others entering our boundaries. Foolishly, we are being taken advantage. But we realize it too late. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Unhealthy Aggressive Competition

Carrot Competition Among Artists
Aggressive Unhealthy Artists’ Competition

Cheapens the 
Laborious artistic works
Into
Penniless


Inspiration Ends On: Wednesday, 25 March 2015 at 11:34am

My friend confided about her dumbfounded realization of the crazy life of visual artists. Many visual artist internship is without pay. She is feeling worse that anybody to realize such experience. To make it much worse is her realization freelance is likened to a business instead of part time job. Now, she is so upset and frustrated of her stupidity. Please pray for her. Therefore, the above poetry is birthed. Wish you all have good days and thank you.