Unbelievable Call

Many Different people mention
Successful autistics are intelligent
Speechless
Reflection mood
Even my business mentor also highlight

Seeing own weaknesses
With magnifying glass
Weighs me down
Slower than others in
Absorption
Movement
Response
Speech

That does not deter me
From standing up again due to
A cause I belief in Jesus
An unbelievable call
A higher call

Inspiration On: Tuesday, 19 January 2016

Uncle WY calls me in the morning before I leave the house. He is worried and concerned about my well being especially in my own self-limiting beliefs. I don’t feel I am smart. I am slower than others and I just want to do my best. Strangely, my business mentor and the my cell members shares that autistics are smart – Newton and other famous people. What is God doing in my life?

A sister in Christ sends me about Samson and Luke 22:42 with the title ‘Who is my master? Me or God?’

Luke 6:46 “Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and do not do what I say?”

Samson – a man with great strength but a weakness for women. God set him apart and empowered him to deliver Israel from her enemies. But instead of chasing after God, he chased after girls. What a waste of God-given potential and abilities.

Our weakness may not be women. It may be other things that hinder our commitment to God.

Today, invite God to be Lord of our will and decisions. Luke 22:42 “not my will but Thine be done.”

I feel so speechless.

I can’t stand the noises. So I ask business mentor whether she knows any local shop that sells noise proof ear plug. No reply from her. Suddenly, I have the feeling to ask WC. I am amazed he knows the local shop to get it for a cheaper price. Suddenly, he text messages me, “My condo at is empty these few days. U can use it to do ur work in a quiet environment.” I feel so grateful, “Thank you for your kind offer.” However, I feel uncomfortable to accept the offer because he is a guy. He asks me, “Well are u interested.” I feel bad and respond, “Though I am interested, no need. You can rent it to earn income.”

The more I read on the book titled ‘Confronting Jezebel’, the more I hate satan and the more I am determined to fight back against his scheme.

Finally, I have completed my portfolio. I send the project portfolio that IC gave and the children’s illustration book. Most touch on character designs. Wow! I am surprised how God works. Lord, please open the doors into the animation industry through DK. I sense God’s presence in my heart.

Then I work and complete the compilation for my animated words titled, “thoughts into actions”. I feel so delighted, do some writing and upload it. I am surprised God works through IC to point me to a character designs though it looks dark. Not my style and type. I feel so pricked on the character profile and design for my cavity monsters based on ranking. Furthermore, I need to type the scripts into celtx. I feel so happy to fast one meal. I feel much better and can sense His presence.

When I am teaching my son, he asks for his money that I keep into the bank. I reply that he can get it when he grows up. Now is to earn the interest first. Suddenly, it dawns upon me about my Abba Father who let me to be disappointed to make the business work. When I see the expenses list, the spending is more than the amount I am going to put as business capital. I feel so speechless.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Initiative Motivation

Desire to help
Motivated to improve
Stepping up to make an initiative
Through
Suggestions and doings
More than the required work
Improve the business presentation

---

Inspiration On: Friday, 13 November 2015 at 11:47pm

Thank God and appreciate my new boss’ patience and guidance. She lets me understand the whole picture and reveal to me she is in the planning department. I begin to understand and see the big picture. When I see her, I see myself working non-stop and not care of my body rest.

My business mentor signs me up for the women’s entrepreneurship for the U.S. Embassy talk in four days time. I feel so shocked because that is my children’s book deadline and to meet BL. After I think through, I will ask her to give me the news. I need to complete the children’s book especially the animation script. Thank God for the courage to tell her.

I feel so happy for my new lady boss to appreciate my creativity. I begin to have the courage to share my suggestion to improve the package posting to give the customers a good impression. Strange for my business mentor to come into the picture dictating the entrepreneurs to exercise and eat healthily.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Make Up Foundation Looks Confusion

Address my business mentor
As beauty consultant
To ask about
Make up foundation questions
With natural ingredients
Without harmful ingredients

My purpose is to
Cover up any bruises
Any minor wounds

The beauty consultant gives the
Keywords to google
Concluding my unnatural look

Inside is full of confusions
Praising my wedding photo
Now feedback unnatural look

---

Inspiration On: Thursday, 12 November 2015 at 11:20pm

When I observe my friend’s dry hands (whom I admire her courage) and the need to cover my bruise, make-up foundation comes into my mind. Then birth out the poetry for my encounter with my business mentor. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

See My Future In The Mirror

Who do I see?
I see her gentleness
I see her love and care towards
Those who are doing
Labour work

Who do I see?
I see her encouragement
I see her well treatment and motivations towards
Those who are doing
Labour work

Who do I see?
I see a strong leader who work hard
I see a strong leader who cares the safety of
Those who are doing
Labour work

Who do I see?
I see a strong leader who spreads herself thin
I see a strong leader who is physically weak
Thus often fall sick
Need recuperation

A compassionate strong leader
Who needs to care own physical strength
Expression of admiration and gratitude to my Lord and Saviour
Deepen my walk in the Lord

---

Inspiration On: Thursday, 29 October 2015 at 10pm

At night, YY (the finance department leader who employs me as a part-time admin) comes into my mind. Her personality attracts me. Her gentleness and caring towards the employee. Her actions speaks a lot about her being a strong Christian though she has a weak body. She has a lot of unseen documents to clear. It’s like seeing myself in the future. So I confide to my business mentor, “YY has a lot of unseen documents to clear. I never expect that. Come to think of it. This helps me reflect on myself. I have been stretching myself too thin.” Her reply is only word, “FOCUS”. My response is, “Oh yes. Focus. No wonder I make a lot of mess with too many commitments and tasks. May we continually pray for each other.” She responds, “Certainly.” No wonder my mental and physical are affected badly due to being overworked and pressed from many sides. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Beautiful Misunderstanding

Assuming my business mentor calls
Another friend in the same group
Thanking her

Only to know she hasn’t been in contact with that friend
My presumption gets the better of me
Thus beautiful misunderstanding

---

Inspiration On: Thursday, 29 October 2015 at 3pm

I thank my business mentor to call BL to encourage me, I found out she hasn’t called Betty ever since we meet. Ups. Then she replied, “You always assume…..!” Thereby I reply, “Aren’t you often assume too and jump to conclusions?”

“Sounds like a kid arguing. I can debate with you!”

“What case, lawyer?”

“Your accusation : Aren’t you often assume too and jump to conclusions? This is a clear example of your presumption. Out of context on the word : case.”

“What is the proper word then?”

“Case is a proper. Just that you only read it in a narrow context.”

“Oh I see. What do you mean by I “only reading in a narrow context”?”

“And if you need favour from people, ‘come on’ is not an appropriate word.”

“What is the appropriate word?”

“What do you mean by I “only readig in a narrow context”? No ending explaining…. even if I explain….? you may not understand.” Her two dots eyes emoticon with a circle mouth makes me laugh.

“Why? You make me laugh.”

“your ability to comprehend….. am tired”

So I begin a new conversation, “I find you strange to call yourself a black sheep. Why do you have to label yourself as ‘black sheep’?”

“I find you strange to call yourself a black sheep. Why do you have to label yourself as ‘black sheep’?”

“What?!!!! I never said that!!!! Are you alright?!!”

“Do I hear wrongly? I just don’t understand. It’s like . . .

Old memories are returning
Younger days
Childhood days
Playful days
Fun days
Hobby days
Laughter days
Am I returning to a child?
Why do everyone treats me like a child?”

During playing with my son and husband, my brain switches off to sleep mode. Thus I doze on the sofa until he and mum wakes me up repetitively to sleep on bed. Once I regain my awaken condition, I brush teeth, change into my pajamas and goes to bed. However, I can’t sleep so I write my diary.

I sense that I can’t handle all the workload for the startup and the ministry. How can I ever pay my business mentor’s salary for assisting me? Whenever I see her LinkedIn profile, her previous jobs mainly assist the presidents. I want to protect those whom I love. Only to be hurt. Inside of me is exploding out.

Suddenly, my business mentor asks, “When is your last day with my admin job?”

“Don’t know.”

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Naive Cautious Prudent Arrogant

Being Wary of people
Often wears one down

Being cautious and prudent is good

Extreme sides of thoughts and mindsets
Being naive and arrogant
Err our judgments

Being cautious and prudent
Being naive
Being arrogant
Who do we choose to be?

---

Inspiration On: Wednesday, 28 October 2015 at 11:32pm

Most of the times, people are full of assumptions with their own sights and hearings. However, they don’t know the whole story. Being slow in speech, people often stop me with their own conclusions. Thus they reach to the wrong conclusion. Instead of listening patiently, most people can’t stand to give their opinions. Why can’t people listens more? I tend to listen more than I speak. I find the joy to lend a pair of listening ears. When it comes to my turn to confide, everyone is eager to pout their own judgments of me and my situations. This really hurts. The recent case is my business mentor who scolds me, “leech!” That words hurt me so much. She doesn’t know much in what I have been through. Until I cry to the Lord. Surprisingly, she asked me the reason I let her got iPhone 6S under my renewed contract. So I have the opportunity to explain my appreciation of our friendship. Then she relented and replied she’ll get it under her son’s corporate plan. She upgrades her 12GB 3G old plan to 4GB 4G plan and treats it as discipline. Because she feels that I need the income more than she does. Strangely, though I am so hurt, I still care about her as the way I care my mother. I see her hurts as I see my mother’s hurts.

Strength

Thank God to just realize my business mentor also does natural therapy business. She does it for me for free out of kindness and strong belief in Christ.

Sensing God’s presence slightly and the words spoken by Cory Tynan that I know all the answer. The career consultant mentioned that all are at my disadvantage so doing projects is the way to earn income. And I need to calm down.

During the conversation with my business, I share that some men don’t have enough strength to press the acupressure points. She has a great strength. I am surprised she mentions to me,

“Thought you have pretty good strength? It does not mean that men naturally have good strength. My son also does not have.”

However, I feel so small and reply her, “My strength is considered the weakest among my siblings. My dad is the strongest. Too bad he has hurt his palms and fingers when moving house. So he had two operations for his palms and fingers.”

What does she sees in me?

Feel Rejected

Thank God and thankful for catching my business partner/mentor at the top seat looking fed up and not replying to my WhatsApp message whether she has reached the talk.

Thank God to meet my business mentor’s friend again whom she is helping. Glad for the amazing courage to immediately ask his business card. It’s like a prayer answered. Though he helps me to see the local media business sector is not good, I gently disagree. When he explains that the technology is driving animation, I disagree too. That shows he doesn’t understand about media. The way she chooses to let him does the talking clearly shows her rejection. He says that he shares his opinion to her friend on Frugal Innovation talk. It is not good enough because he has been in the professional trading industry for many years. She can’t accept it because she finds it good. Though I find it good, I’m okay to hear from another perspective. From him, I begin to see my business mentor’s role in his business. Her role is to talk to the banker. There is no partnership agreement. 

After the talk, my business mentor brings her sister in Christ to the nearby Admin building. There she explains the adjustment process to wear high heel shoes and not to walk long hours. Because I tell her that I have a sprain and fall thrice on my way to Frugal Innovation talk. She is about to call her career consultant about the MacBookAir charger due to I can’t find it. Until there is tugging to call house. When dad sees the charger, I am reminded that yesterday I take it out of my bag due to taking my water bottle out. Oh no! Thank God that she hasn’t called her career consultant. When I ask her on her business partner’s Chinese name in his namecard, she harshly tells me to check it from the dictionary.

After the innovation talk, my business mentor introduces someone from a job search who gladly offers his help to assess my unique values to contribute to the company. So at night, I write a draft email and send it to my business mentor for correction. She replies, “Email is fine. Independence is writing yourself without relying on me.” It sounds angry to me so I ask her, “Why do you sound angry to me? Did I make you angry?” Her reply is, “This what I meant by independence in my WhatsApp last night.” I am speechless for her not to answer my question. Why? I can sense the rejection from her. Why am I always tossed around? O Lord, please have mercy on me.

Talking over the same things again

I ask my business mentor for feedback on my coloured logo designs. Upon reaching there, there is a cup of ginger tea mixed with chrysanthemum tea powder. She points the inconsistency of the front boat to my sketch. My sketch is much better. So I immediately correct it and show it to her. Then she questions my parents’ comment about the qwasha marks at my arms. I tell her as it is happened. My mum was shocked and asked me loudly on the bruises at my arms. Dad calms her down and mentioned Nenhok (my cousin) Jin Fong due to qwasha then blown by the air. My reply was to ask her to qwasha my arms. Strange that she is concerned of my parents’ opinion about my bruised arms. That shows they don’t understand the purpose of qwasha. Then she reminds to use the heater after qwasha. She states a professor teaches on meridian therapy after doing many years of research. She mentions qwasha can be a business. Her friend who is in the business warn of being blamed by those who don’t understand qwasha. So it dissuades her to do such business.

I feel like telling her. Why do you let others’ opinion hurt and stop you? Since it benefits others and her to heal naturally, do so. Everybody has their own opinion.

The way she looks at me is that I can’t communicate clearly. It feels so depressing. Is my effort to learn to communicate clearly pointless? in the text message, I ask her “In which part are you unhappy with me?” Then I carry on, “On Tuesday night when I blow my hair for the first time, everyone is shocked.” I feel so disappointed when she tells me that her career counselor is hers. So I reply her that she is the one who introduces him to me. She replies that he is doing the favour for her for our startup.l to search for a team. At the first place, I have been wondering. Is it wrong for me to open myself to her? When she doesn’t reply to my question, “Are you tired of me due to my lack of communication ability?” I feel rejected. During my depression, she comforts me and encourages me to stand up. The Lord makes me realize that there are still Christians who live in His Word. Now due to my limited experience in business, I keep on talking about the same things over and over again. She feels upset. How should I do?

New Hairstyle

Today, I go to my business mentor’s house. Upon reaching there, she brings me to her nearby hair salon to cut my hair for $5. On the way to go to her nearby hair salon, I make the same mistakes in my words. Then she corrects the way I should speak. Then she remembers that she is dealing with an autistic. I feel bad to stumble in my words. I also want to be able to speak clearly in person. She instructs the hair salon person to cut my hair short yet with a style. After the haircut, I look different. I look younger and better. Her haircut begins later, but she finishes earlier than I do. Then we return to her house, have shower and she guides me to blow my hair. I really appreciate her kind gesture to guide me. Inside I feel so embarrassed of myself to learn this in my 30s.

Next, she presses the acupoints at my head, neck and shoulders to relieve my chronic migraine and massage my aching hands due to too much exposure to phone and computer usage. Most of the work need to be done with computer usage. Oh I wish to go back to the good old days without computer.

Then she questions her role in our business. What is she? It seems to her that she becomes my personal physician, clearing my mess, business writing editor, and even comsultant besides of business mentor and partner. I feel so speechless. Inside my heart, I wish to have a mother in Christ whom I can confide in.