Down To Be A Clown

Fall flat to my face
Being down in a mud
Being clown soothes
My aching heart and mind
By laughing at my stupidity
Comical thinking of extreme disparity mindset
Strength from the Lord enters deeply

Inspiration On: Monday, 29 February 2016

It begins with, “down clown” then to, “when you are down, it’s time to be a clown. Laugh at yourself.” After editing it, I see how the Lord helps me to stand him and move on.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

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So Misunderstood

Misunderstandings after misunderstandings
Many misunderstand my good intentions
Family members misunderstand me
Friend Boss misunderstand me too
My stoning due to family issue is treated as doing nothing
My behaviour and body language are
Inconsistent with
The intentions of my heart and mind

Few church friends understand me
Two ex-mentors and a pre-believer understand me
Prayers of blessing from church members
Encouragements from the body of Christ
Comfort my
My aching heart
My allegiance to my Lord and Saviour


Inspiration On: Thursday, 3 December 2015

Suddenly, in the morning my boss/friend finally replies, “You don’t need to apologise. I think it was clear when I offered you the hourly part time was because I value your time as another start-up business owner, we understand how valuable time and resource are. So I thought it was perfect solution for both. I need someone who knows design and you need working space. For the hourly pay I am paying you I expected giving you business owners’s guidance ie how to use your design work into fashion retail and e-commerce but if what you need is hand holding then what you are asking is work for fresh graduate.” I feel so misunderstood. I want a business owner’s guidance. Why should she add the word ‘but’? Her assumptions that I am looking for a full time $4000 to $5000 pay and she can’t give it. Those two assumptions deeply hurt me. What should I do, Lord? I have done the mistakes due to family issues. How do I rectify the issue? Is it too late? Are You opening another door for me? Though I want to explain myself, it is pointless to explain. I just treat it as my focus back to media and back to fulfill my vow to the Lord.

Suddenly, the sight of a flying dove catches my attention. Is there a dove rearer in Singapore?

Since I reach an MRT station earlier, I choose to go to to the workplace advisory. The career consultant questions me. I explain the diverse freelance projects I have done. Then she manages to nail down my unique value proposition. It is to add value to the companies. Then she refers me to a job agency workshop to make my resume to look more professional. She also helps me how to speak to the interviewer. Amazing. Yes. I’m lacking in the way I speak.

I feel so happy to meet my ex-mentor named RL. Then another pre-believer friend RC. They are surprised in the way I change my wearing. It looks business-like. After we decide to eat at Soup Spoon, another ex-mentor RR joins us. She shares about her friendly mother in law. Now, she rent a flat to stay in the same block with her mother in law but different level. She is so welcomed. I feel so happy for her. Then her church friend explain the meaning of the Chinese word, “平安”. When remove the roof of the “安”, it means woman. So only one woman is in charge of the household. Rita Liu shares that she can’t stay with her mother in law. I understand. Then it is my turn to share. I laughingly share the summary of my experiences. I extremely agree that one woman needs to be in charge. The problem is I am too soft to let my in law stay together with my parents. RR understands my family condition in house purchase issue. To add the matter worse, I tend to let go of my control. Thus land me in the mess. Until I run away from home twice. They look shocked. Then they are concerned the year I run away from home. Without thinking, I say it is 2013. Then I bare my feelings that I want to run to RL’s house. However, I hesitated. After RC returns to her office, RR and RL are concerned and ask my current status. I begin to share my hesitation to go for assessment and psychologist. But I listen and go the polyclinic to ask for referral letter to see the psychologist for assessment and treatment. They want me to update them. I feel touched.

When I think back, RL has a good partner though don’t stay with in law. She only visits them with her husband once in a while. Rusyinni gets along very well with her mother in law. RC does freelance business now with her friend. Now, She is a sub programmer with her programmer friend to develop eCommerce website so she doesn’t need to meet customer. I feel so happy for them to lead a good life.

Lord, please give another opportunity to attend today missed masterclass because I miss the cell group meeting.

I’m appreciative for Josefine to meet me at a train station and lead the way to PL’s house for cell group. LT welcomes us. SS is sitting at the table. We sit on the table worshipping the Lord, read the a chapter of the book of acts then fellowship. I enjoy it and hear her clearly. She feels regretful for knowing the Lord earlier and not spending enough time with her husband before he passed away. Those words remind me of my business mentor mentioning her regret. It is not knowing the Lord before she married and to fail as a mother. Everybody shares their wish to correct their regrets. PL’s words are agreeable. Since it is impossible to turn the clock back, it is pointless to think about it. She has gone through the pain. It is enough to go through the pain once. Every different paths have their unique set of pain. Finally, my turn has come. I agree with PL and hope to finish it well. Suddenly, Shirley moves every member to pray for me. All hands are praying for me. I’m shocked for the words of prayer from her mouth. I have an obedient heart. The Lord will give me restoration. That’s the message I receive and understand.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Aimless Walk

Walking aimlessly
Seeking a destination
A solace space
To pour
Every scattered ideas floating in my mind


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 10 November 2015 at 4pm

It is great to write and publish own creativities into wordpress. It feels great. However, I feel dampened from inside. I walk into the kitchen to eat fruits. Then I return to the computer. Only to be misunderstood by my mother who nags at me. “Stop looking at the computer for too long!” Of course, I feel so upset to always being misunderstood. When I walk into the kitchen, she doesn’t see it. Why do people tend to judge on what they see instead of finding out the whole matter?

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Inner Voice

A voice beneath the surface
Speaks
Echo into my

Inner being
Inner heart
Inner mind

Blessing me
With
Strength to arise


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 3 June 2015 at 3:50pm

It all begin with “a voice beneath the surface”. From there, more words come along to birth this poetry. I thank my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ to strengthen me and bless me with the inner strength to arise from my hurts. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Burn to Save

Manual movements
Manual writing
Manual drawing
Manual play
Burning body energy

Save the battery
Save the cost
Burn more calories
Exercise the body
Thus is

Good for the mind
Good for the body
Good for the heart
Psychological improvements
Living to be

Best to have teamwork
Together to do manually
Though conflict arises
Solve it improve social needs


Inspiration On: Sunday, 12 April 2015 at 1:40pm

A photo of old pencil sharpener inspires my friend to answer that she has the manual one. Manual is good because she feels it save her stationery cost and at the same time burn more energy. I kinda agree due to the society is depending more technologies that need electrical power. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

The Voice Within

Within me
There is
A voice

Speaking
Echoing
Unexplainable words

Comforting
My chaos
Heart and mind

In the midst of
Noisy world and many voices
Footsteps rushing around

The voice within
Always
There for me

Within me
There is
The voice within


Inspiration On: Saturday, 7 March 2015 at 7:17pm

The voice within birthed out during queuing in a book shop to pay for stationary. It began with the right words – the title. It helps me to search for the right words to speak. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Budding Idea

Budding idea sprouts
Growth disrupted
Greedy hearts and minds
Plucked out of its root
For their self-interests
For their own goals
Justifying their motives and actions with
Honey like words
Refusing to pay their dues


Inspiration On: Thursday, 20 March 2014 at 12:45pm
Inspiration Ends On: Monday, 21 April 2014 at 4:23am

The news of ideas being stolen is heartbreaking especially the artists’ life. Though the form of drawings can be protected by law, the idea can easily be stolen. Such respect for the idea generator is not given. Therefore, I likened it to a budding flower Wish you all have good days and thank you.