Harsh

Too harsh cuts
Harsh transitions in shots
Simplify the line
Describe my current life situations
Harsh times!
My facial expression looks calm
Thus cause current animation teacher
Assumes and misunderstands me

Harsh seasons
Demands and leads me
Produce harsh storyboard transitions
Even leads to harsh artworks
In different mediums
Seeking outlet to
Pour out


Inspiration On: Friday, 20 May 2016

During the night animation class, the teacher explains that my storyboard transition is too harsh. Once he draws out, I begin to understand the meaning of his words. This shows that studying in a class can only help me to a certain degree. In fact, one to one has a better effect. The teacher keeps on emphasizing that some ugly drawing tells a better story. I realise he has certain biases. There are beautiful drawings tell beautiful stories. He hasn’t seen all my story. When I assess my current situation, it is a harsh time for me. No wonder my story panels show harsh transitions. Upon listening to his explanation, I begin to take note of the focal point. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Understand yet Misunderstand

Most people tend
To listen with own assumptions
Understanding based on their experiences
Awaiting to give their suggestions

Such cause more relationships conflicts
Parents and elderly
Choose to forget their own ordeal
Thus children are exasperated

The vicious cycle continues


Inspiration On: Sunday, 3 January 2016

I am late to wake up at 8:30am. I praise God for the immediacy to go to church service at nearby church for spiritual food and late around 15 minutes. Though I fall asleep in the sermon due to lack of sleep, I thank the Lord to get the message to find life in the Spirit stated in Romans 8:1-17. Indeed I can find life in the Holy Spirit. I feel His deep love. In the flesh, I feel so weak. I can add that I feel suicidal due to my weaknesses and wishing the Lord to take me home. Now, I have been forgetting certain things. Though mum helps me to apply acupressure onto the points, she encourages me to do it myself. Does she know when my hands lose strength? Do I have to tell her? Then I question her understanding of me. All along she thought I write with my right hand. That shows she doesn’t fully understand me. After she does so, I can sense the electric current in my fingers flowing. And I feel better.

Mako and SS ever mentioned that only them take the time to understand me. But they don’t fully understand me also.

Finally, I see the fruits WhatsApp status from my business mentor’s messages. She is concerned of me to get a job. Lord, what do you want me to do first? Social enterprise or the full time job first? Should I speak to get the volunteers from Facebook group.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

So Misunderstood

Misunderstandings after misunderstandings
Many misunderstand my good intentions
Family members misunderstand me
Friend Boss misunderstand me too
My stoning due to family issue is treated as doing nothing
My behaviour and body language are
Inconsistent with
The intentions of my heart and mind

Few church friends understand me
Two ex-mentors and a pre-believer understand me
Prayers of blessing from church members
Encouragements from the body of Christ
Comfort my
My aching heart
My allegiance to my Lord and Saviour


Inspiration On: Thursday, 3 December 2015

Suddenly, in the morning my boss/friend finally replies, “You don’t need to apologise. I think it was clear when I offered you the hourly part time was because I value your time as another start-up business owner, we understand how valuable time and resource are. So I thought it was perfect solution for both. I need someone who knows design and you need working space. For the hourly pay I am paying you I expected giving you business owners’s guidance ie how to use your design work into fashion retail and e-commerce but if what you need is hand holding then what you are asking is work for fresh graduate.” I feel so misunderstood. I want a business owner’s guidance. Why should she add the word ‘but’? Her assumptions that I am looking for a full time $4000 to $5000 pay and she can’t give it. Those two assumptions deeply hurt me. What should I do, Lord? I have done the mistakes due to family issues. How do I rectify the issue? Is it too late? Are You opening another door for me? Though I want to explain myself, it is pointless to explain. I just treat it as my focus back to media and back to fulfill my vow to the Lord.

Suddenly, the sight of a flying dove catches my attention. Is there a dove rearer in Singapore?

Since I reach an MRT station earlier, I choose to go to to the workplace advisory. The career consultant questions me. I explain the diverse freelance projects I have done. Then she manages to nail down my unique value proposition. It is to add value to the companies. Then she refers me to a job agency workshop to make my resume to look more professional. She also helps me how to speak to the interviewer. Amazing. Yes. I’m lacking in the way I speak.

I feel so happy to meet my ex-mentor named RL. Then another pre-believer friend RC. They are surprised in the way I change my wearing. It looks business-like. After we decide to eat at Soup Spoon, another ex-mentor RR joins us. She shares about her friendly mother in law. Now, she rent a flat to stay in the same block with her mother in law but different level. She is so welcomed. I feel so happy for her. Then her church friend explain the meaning of the Chinese word, “平安”. When remove the roof of the “安”, it means woman. So only one woman is in charge of the household. Rita Liu shares that she can’t stay with her mother in law. I understand. Then it is my turn to share. I laughingly share the summary of my experiences. I extremely agree that one woman needs to be in charge. The problem is I am too soft to let my in law stay together with my parents. RR understands my family condition in house purchase issue. To add the matter worse, I tend to let go of my control. Thus land me in the mess. Until I run away from home twice. They look shocked. Then they are concerned the year I run away from home. Without thinking, I say it is 2013. Then I bare my feelings that I want to run to RL’s house. However, I hesitated. After RC returns to her office, RR and RL are concerned and ask my current status. I begin to share my hesitation to go for assessment and psychologist. But I listen and go the polyclinic to ask for referral letter to see the psychologist for assessment and treatment. They want me to update them. I feel touched.

When I think back, RL has a good partner though don’t stay with in law. She only visits them with her husband once in a while. Rusyinni gets along very well with her mother in law. RC does freelance business now with her friend. Now, She is a sub programmer with her programmer friend to develop eCommerce website so she doesn’t need to meet customer. I feel so happy for them to lead a good life.

Lord, please give another opportunity to attend today missed masterclass because I miss the cell group meeting.

I’m appreciative for Josefine to meet me at a train station and lead the way to PL’s house for cell group. LT welcomes us. SS is sitting at the table. We sit on the table worshipping the Lord, read the a chapter of the book of acts then fellowship. I enjoy it and hear her clearly. She feels regretful for knowing the Lord earlier and not spending enough time with her husband before he passed away. Those words remind me of my business mentor mentioning her regret. It is not knowing the Lord before she married and to fail as a mother. Everybody shares their wish to correct their regrets. PL’s words are agreeable. Since it is impossible to turn the clock back, it is pointless to think about it. She has gone through the pain. It is enough to go through the pain once. Every different paths have their unique set of pain. Finally, my turn has come. I agree with PL and hope to finish it well. Suddenly, Shirley moves every member to pray for me. All hands are praying for me. I’m shocked for the words of prayer from her mouth. I have an obedient heart. The Lord will give me restoration. That’s the message I receive and understand.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Animal Wheel

Animal wheels with
Red giraffe, blue cow, yellow duck and white sheep
Soft toys are
Whirling around as the wind blows

In the night
The red giraffe jumps down
Onto the toddler
Tickles him
Play with him
The toddler giggles
As the giraffe giggles
A sweet dream


Inspiration On: Monday, 18 August 2014 Midnight to Night
Inspiration Ends On: Tuesday, 19 August, 2014 at 2:28pm

The wheel with many four animals soft toys are always under my son’s bed. He dreamed the giraffe soft toy jumped onto him and tickled his neck. He narrated it with his gestures and expressions wriggled in laughter. He misunderstood it as nightmare. Therefore, I explained to him it was a nice dream, not a nightmare. A nightmare involves in fearful feelings. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Toxic of Jealousy

Unsightly family harmony
Pick a quarrel
Enjoy fighting
With words
Lashing painful words
Seeking to control
Seeking to destroy
The new family

Jealousy control
Giving evil reign
Upon self
Seeking others’ fault
Blind to own’s fault
No wonder people
Stand afar from
An unrepentant heart
A blind mind
A deaf ear
Assuming others like
The unrepentant heart’s
Hypocritical mindset
Misunderstand others’
Kindness and goodwill

Influence her own good friend
To believe her speech
To believe she is victim
Misunderstand others’
Messages
Wrong perception of others
Kindness and goodwill
Confronting me for shouting
At his good friend
Without searching the truth
Without asking my reason


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 17 July 2013 at 12:34am
Inspiration Ends On: Friday, 19 July 2013 at 6:52pm
Compiled On: Friday, 19 July 2013 at 7:44pm

Reading Darky Blue’s poetry at http://darkyblue.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/how-many-is-too-many/ reminded me of my friend’s case whom i just shared her experience.

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Her nurse friend whom she confided to diagnose her with depression for the situation I have shared through my previous poetry for her. Her dad who recently told her that if she didn’t explain the truth she will be miserable and people will continually bully her. Because she felt that it was useless for her to say so since her husband won’t believe her words and he believed his mother’s words more than her. What’s the point for her to say more? Wasting her time. She didn’t want her marriage to be broken. Her nurse friend helped her to pray and queried whether she ever eat a medicine from a doctor. Yes was her reply, but it had stopped. So her friend suggested to her to see again to let the medicine help her to relax. Her friend and I also don’t want to see her to be taken away to the mental hospital.

After many requests for her husband’s contact, she hesitantly wrote down her husband’s number with trembling hands. Her nurse friend who called her husband that she was with his wife, he was happy. Unexpectedly, her husband was shocked with her nurse friend who divulged she had suicidal attempts. Alarmed not to worry her husband, she tried to stop her nurse friend for saying so. But it was too late. He immediately rushed to fetch her. Her nurse friend comforted her that her husband still care for her.

Sending her to the mrt station to meet her husband, she seemed reluctant to follow her husband. But her nurse friend introduced herself and asked him to love her and protect her. He willingly agreed. Holding hands, he gently explains the reason he scolded her for giving the feeling his mother was unwelcomed. All she thinks are to move her brother’s things out of the room, but expressed it wrongly due to thinking visually with wrong words. Her father had discussed the problem with him amicably and resolved to let him be the middle person. If there is unhappiness, his mother and her dad will go to him. This is due to her dad is worried for her not being able to convey the message correctly. Peace is restored. Since he had apologized to mother and dad, he hoped her to apologize to his mother. When she was going to apologize, the phone rang. It was her sister in law confronting her for shouting. Angered by those words and realizing her mother in law’s dishonesty, she went to bathroom to pray for God’s help to forgive her mother in law just as He had forgiven her. Having showered helped to cool down and apologize to her mother in law. Shocked with her reactions to immediately hug her and also apologize for her own fault.

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Being alone in her house, she felt peaceful and can concentrate on her freelance work. Her parents went out. Her mother in law schedules her son’s playground at her brother in law’s house. While her husband and her holding hands together guiding the way, the helper observed her mother in law looked very angry, instead of being happy for her son. Her helper told her in the middle of the night before sleep. She had been wondering why her mother in law was so jealous of her.

Friday, 19 July 2013

Yesterday, she had fixed an appointment with her previous neurology. Today, her neurology told the same thing to her to tell her husband the truth what she had been through with her mother in law. The truth will let her husband to think. Not her to do so all the time. If she continues to keep quiet, she will be miserable. He also reminded her of the wedding woes to share to her husband her troubles. Unhappy with this, she had been wondering and didn’t wish to hurt her mother in law.

Everyone’s Basis of Statement through Analysis from her previous talk. Her mother in law went through divorce at the age of 30 for her husband left her for another woman. Her husband’s siblings rebuked and blamed her for being too brawling. So he couldn’t stand her.

But my friend feels what that has got to do with her. What does she has to make her mother in law jealous?

Smoke Out Of Dinosaur’s Mouth

Puff! Puff!
Smoke puffs out of a dinosaur toy.
Oh, it will need water
Or else
It will be on fire.

Run
RUN
RUN to bathroom.
WATER.
Water, water.
Bucket under the tap water
Open the tap water
Then closes it.

Run
RUN
RUN to smoky dinosaur toy.
Pour
POUR
POUR the pail of water onto
The smoky dinosaur toy.
SPLASH!

It will be well now.
Place it onto the floor.
Press its button.
OH! It doesn’t operate anymore.
It doesn’t operate anymore.
It doesn’t operate . . .
It doesn’t . . .
It . . .
. . .


Inspiration On: Sunday, 27 January 2013 at 6:17pm
Inspiration Ends On: Monday, 28 January 2013 at 3:23pm

My mother in law shared about my husband’s eldest brother when he was young. The above poetry is an inspiration from the actions his eldest brother did to his own toy. In addition, I put myself in his point of view in order to understand him as a toddler. Most of the time, different toddlers are unique and distinct. And most are being misunderstood by the adults and label them who are the naughtiest. Now, my brother in law is an electrician and he can repair any household things.