Wary To Investigation

Warning words echo repetitively in my mind
Instill me to actions
Pick up the phone to contact the headquarters

Such course is available to
Register through mailed paper form
Questioning everything

The reason he asks for many details
The way he puts across is to find others
I decide to cancel my attendance

Never forget to pray about it
Asking God for His leading in my pathways
Seeking His will and protection

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 5 January 2016

My business mentor’s words echo in my mind, “You should be have been careful with that guy and insist on answers to basic questions!!!!” Therefore, I call the mentioned school for such course. They have but need to fill in the form. Strange that he needs my details. When I ask for the Service Excellence class schedule, he can’t give it. He tells me to relax. It is flexible and can do arrangement with the trainer. Normally, class dates are fixedly written. I feel so uneasy. At night, I decide to message him to cancel my attendance due to attending certain issues. Praying to my Father in heaven to let him to forget my details and protect my details from hackers. In Jesus’ names I pray. Amen.

I text message to a brother in Christ (WY) about my mental agility. He calls, listens and prays for me. Immediately, I sense God’s presence in my heart. I even confide in Him about my business mentor who compares me with SS in mentoring. I feel so hurt to be compared. She doesn’t understand the meaning of my husband’s comment me being a woodblock. She uses her own family background and experiences to explain. She dresses attractively and caressed her ex-husband in the public. But he shoved her away. She feels hurt and is so offended. Emotional abuse and bullied by her in laws made her to decide to divorce. So she suggests me and my husband to go for five love languages to improve my marriage relationship. This may give her a negative response towards me. I didn’t mean that. I never expect to dig her past and she shares her feelings. However, this remind my past to share my husband’s feedback about myself to ET. “Dinosaur girl” gives her the wrong message. She highlights to me that it does not give a good signal. However, he means a positive message and his attraction towards me. Strangely, she wants me to look consistent with my Misunderstanding post. I call it creative writing but she interprets it as article. Most likely, she wants to connect with me philosophically. When I talk about my past to analyze and understand more about God’s hands, she frustratingly, “Please…. I don’t wish to waste my time talking to you!!” Why is she so impatient? That’s her flesh. Why does she tends to misunderstand me? That shows she has a different lens in her different experiences of life.

At night, I meet my husband for dinner at an MRT station. Then we find the maid agency and select four Myanmar maids. A Christian mother is given the traits of motherly. Patience is a label to a single lady. He chooses to decide tomorrow and ask our son’s opinions. He chooses the one with patience attributes. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Beautiful Misunderstanding

Receive beautiful melodious music video
Remind the times with my son’s babyhood
Now is lesser time with him due to
Attempting to earn own income

Thinking of my business mentor
Who is full of suspicion towards her son
Wishing her and her son
Have good relationship
Sending it with a well intention wish
Intend to send to her mentee
Accidentally send to her
Due to same surname
Only to be misunderstood
I miss my mother

Her mentee understands my well intention
Giving a good feedback towards the
Music video dedicated to
Mothers

Inspiration On: Thursday, 10 December 2015

My mum sends music video dedicated to mothers. It sounds so beautiful and meaningful. Business mentor is the first person whom I send it to. Hoping she and her children can have a better relationship. But she misunderstands it that I miss my mum. The next person I send to is her mentee but I press My business mentor’s name accidentally. It is due to them having the same surname. This is so embarrassing.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Conversation Behind Screen

Physical bruises and injuries conversations
Reveals divine protection upon me
Testifying God’s hand in my life
Showing He is omnipotent

Whining in pain
Only to be told
Being a softie
I’m human depending in Jesus

Recognize own weaknesses
Don’t deter me
To continue my journey to move forward
In my recuperation phase

Some misunderstandings begin to
Clear
Understanding each other better

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 5 November 2015

Though my business mentor and mum feel I don’t need to go for x-ray scanning, I have a bad feeling. My migraine worsens. My front forehead is in pain. At times, my left jaw is in pain.

They are shocked to hear that the 16 November part-time job gives me a space to work due to tight budget. Through WhatsApp, my business mentor “What?” sends a shock signal. True that she is shocked. I am surprised of her asking me, “Is this your first physical injury?” So I answer, “This is my first physical face injury.”

She clarifies, “Not just face. You mean you had body injury before?”

“Yes. Fingers, Ankles, and legs. Knees too. When I learn ice skating and riding bicycle. And also motorbike accident.”

More question, “Normal injury like cuts and bruises from fall?”

“Normal injury like cuts and bruises from fall?”

Of course, I am stating the fact, “Motorbike accident? Nothing serious but just a fall from it?”

I answer, “Yes. Hit by motorbike during my primary 4 days. Around a few meters. Almost fell into the drain. Thank God I didn’t fell into the dirty drain. My knees suffer injuries and bruises. And I sprained my knees.”

She interprets, “God shielded you from serious injuries. These are minor pains.”

I agree, “Yes. God shielded me.”

“Then no need be a softie…..”

“What do you mean by softie? In what way do I look like a softie?” I wonder.

“Talking about your swell and pain frequently. Not look. You are a softie.” She explains.

I question, “Do I look like one? I don’t feel so.”

She interrogates, “Why is it you don’t feel so? Well…. You think you are tough?”

“Nope.” I answer.

“And?”

I explain further, “I’m learning to be strong.”

“Experiential learning and challenges of life…”

That’s the conversation with my business mentor through WhatsApp who sees God in an autistic life.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Caught with Swelling Eye

Performing my duties at work
Sunglass impair my vision
Take it off

Supervisor suddenly enters
Showing concern
Shock with my eyes

I had a fall in the bathroom
Hoping to dispel misunderstanding
Surprised with her kind concern
Have you seen the doctor?
I have seen the doctor

Sudden news today is the last day
Relieved to hear due to I want to
Fulfill my vow before the Lord

We go through my total hours
I point my mistake to reduce half hour
Due to my mistake for being late a few minutes
Putting myself in the employers’ shoes
God is fair so I need to be fair
She excuses me due to my
Work productivity?

I feel unworthy yet
God is gracious
To receive pay more than allowance from husband
He provides this month
When my husband purposely
Choose not to give
Allowance

We knock off
Surprised of my supervisor
Keep in touch
Comforting to hear that
I like her compassionate personality

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 4 November 2015 at 11pm

My business mentor cares about my focus by sending slides on focus. I honestly tell her my resolution that I want to concentrate in the concept and character designs. She asks me how to find the volunteers. I am thinking also. Then I muster my courage to tell her I need volunteers to cover my ministry work. I share some part of my tasks. She gets a shock. So that I can concentrate on the business side. I need the one who does the graphic design. She questions me the reason I didn’t say it earlier. I can only answer that I don’t know how to say it. After I read the Meridian Herbal Oil, I share about my interaction with the 50 years old uncle. We speaks through WhatsApp.

I begin, “I’ve read the vital meridian essence ingredients, directions and functions. The word ‘qi’ reminds me of my days at the Comic Association. The 50 years old uncle who talks to me mentioned three things that I’m lack of and scared him.

Can’t sense my qi

Can’t hear my breath

Can’t hear my footsteps

Those traits he often highlighted to me. I just don’t understand him.”

She sounds shocked, “what?”

“Are you shocked to hear this? I was and am speechless.”

“You have a health problem. Avoid drug medication at all cost.”

“Oh no”

“Ensure you use 20 drops of VM and 10 drops of Angelica Ardent on your womb and your kidney areas nightly. Good to strengthen your qi and blood circulation. You need to strengthen your lung and large intestine meridians. But the Magnolia oil is not cheap.”

“Well, how much was your medical bill yesterday?”

“Around $53 plus. My son encouraged me to go and bring his dad along. He only responded if I want to go. So he paid for it without looking at me.”

“Let him be. Fix your eyes on Jesus alone.”

“Thanks.”

When I was working alone in the conference room, I took off my sunglasses. Suddenly, my supervisor enters and is shocked at the swell. She is concerned on my well being. I said that I had a fall in the bathroom. She asks whether I have visited the doctor. Gratefully, I reply that I had visited the doctor yesterday.

I share this to my business mentor of being caught by her friend (my supervisor) on my eye swell. I feel so embarrassed. Her reply astonish me, “Nothing embarrassing. More about empathy. Any one could have met with mishap or accident that cause injury. Thank God that nothing serious.” Then I respond, “Yeah. Thank God I didn’t knock onto my head. But today I knocked onto my head when I was working alone.”

Oh! What happen to me? Why does the Lord humbles me? I want to be strong. Though I tend to pity and care others, I don’t like to be pitied. I believe it is important to have a giving spirit.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Sunglass to Cover Bruise

The bruise under my right eye worsens
Top right eye slightly appear bruise
Wear sunglasses to office
Preventing misunderstanding
Surprise everyone in office
Concerned Supervisor
Asks my well-being
I assure her saying
I feel like wearing sunglasses
Another concerned colleague asks
Then I share
I had a fall
She ever had a fall
Still she appears without sunglasses
Not to worry

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Inspiration On: Monday, 3 November 2015 at 11pm

Oh no! The bruise under my right eye worsens. So I wear sunglasses to the office to cover it. Because I don’t want to be looked at due to my bruise.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Beautiful Misunderstanding

Assuming my business mentor calls
Another friend in the same group
Thanking her

Only to know she hasn’t been in contact with that friend
My presumption gets the better of me
Thus beautiful misunderstanding

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 29 October 2015 at 3pm

I thank my business mentor to call BL to encourage me, I found out she hasn’t called Betty ever since we meet. Ups. Then she replied, “You always assume…..!” Thereby I reply, “Aren’t you often assume too and jump to conclusions?”

“Sounds like a kid arguing. I can debate with you!”

“What case, lawyer?”

“Your accusation : Aren’t you often assume too and jump to conclusions? This is a clear example of your presumption. Out of context on the word : case.”

“What is the proper word then?”

“Case is a proper. Just that you only read it in a narrow context.”

“Oh I see. What do you mean by I “only reading in a narrow context”?”

“And if you need favour from people, ‘come on’ is not an appropriate word.”

“What is the appropriate word?”

“What do you mean by I “only readig in a narrow context”? No ending explaining…. even if I explain….? you may not understand.” Her two dots eyes emoticon with a circle mouth makes me laugh.

“Why? You make me laugh.”

“your ability to comprehend….. am tired”

So I begin a new conversation, “I find you strange to call yourself a black sheep. Why do you have to label yourself as ‘black sheep’?”

“I find you strange to call yourself a black sheep. Why do you have to label yourself as ‘black sheep’?”

“What?!!!! I never said that!!!! Are you alright?!!”

“Do I hear wrongly? I just don’t understand. It’s like . . .

Old memories are returning
Younger days
Childhood days
Playful days
Fun days
Hobby days
Laughter days
Am I returning to a child?
Why do everyone treats me like a child?”

During playing with my son and husband, my brain switches off to sleep mode. Thus I doze on the sofa until he and mum wakes me up repetitively to sleep on bed. Once I regain my awaken condition, I brush teeth, change into my pajamas and goes to bed. However, I can’t sleep so I write my diary.

I sense that I can’t handle all the workload for the startup and the ministry. How can I ever pay my business mentor’s salary for assisting me? Whenever I see her LinkedIn profile, her previous jobs mainly assist the presidents. I want to protect those whom I love. Only to be hurt. Inside of me is exploding out.

Suddenly, my business mentor asks, “When is your last day with my admin job?”

“Don’t know.”

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Why? Why?

Why do you have to come to give me hug?
When I was going to close up
Why do you speak so gently to comfort my aching heart?

Now, I am stuttering
Yes, I stumble with my words
Learning to communicate clearly
But

Why are you so hard on me?
When I want to say I need help
I stumble with my words
Your presumptions and misunderstandings
Of me and challenge the Lord
Hurts me so much

Do you speak on His behalf?
Or
Do you speak on your own perceptions?

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 30 July 2015 at 3pm
Inspiration Ends On: Thursday, 13 August 2015 at 10am

During my interactions with a sister in Christ, she seemed pissed off with my delay response and my stuttering. The business idea to give job opportunities to single mothers May this poetry comforts those who are caught in between. May you know that you are not alone. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Assumer

Assume! Assume!
More assumptions!
Leading to
Misunderstandings
Cover the whole world.

Two!
Two types of reactions
Towards assumptions.
Either jump to conclusion
Or seek to clarify.

Jumping to conclusion
Without searching the truth
Strife and anger fills the house
A talebearer,
A whisperer,
A backstabber
An accuser
Fire spreads
From houses to neighbourhood
From neighbourhood to cities
From cities to provinces
From provinces to countries.
Unwilling to listen properly
Listen with a filter cover the ears
Believe in a lie
Believe in own false notion.

Seeking clarification
Though assuming
Attempting to remove
Remove the filter from own ears
Thirst for the truth
Immediacy meeting the person
Query the person
Seeking to clarify
Seeking peace
Prevent fire
Extinguish fire.

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 15 May 2013 from 1:47am to 12:23pm

According to my friend, her mother in law jumped to conclusion and accuses her mother. My friend is very upset. My friend is someone who tends to seek a matter and to clarify her assumption by going to the person directly and ask.