Beautiful Misunderstanding

Receive beautiful melodious music video
Remind the times with my son’s babyhood
Now is lesser time with him due to
Attempting to earn own income

Thinking of my business mentor
Who is full of suspicion towards her son
Wishing her and her son
Have good relationship
Sending it with a well intention wish
Intend to send to her mentee
Accidentally send to her
Due to same surname
Only to be misunderstood
I miss my mother

Her mentee understands my well intention
Giving a good feedback towards the
Music video dedicated to
Mothers

Inspiration On: Thursday, 10 December 2015

My mum sends music video dedicated to mothers. It sounds so beautiful and meaningful. Business mentor is the first person whom I send it to. Hoping she and her children can have a better relationship. But she misunderstands it that I miss my mum. The next person I send to is her mentee but I press My business mentor’s name accidentally. It is due to them having the same surname. This is so embarrassing.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Naive Cautious Prudent Arrogant

Being Wary of people
Often wears one down

Being cautious and prudent is good

Extreme sides of thoughts and mindsets
Being naive and arrogant
Err our judgments

Being cautious and prudent
Being naive
Being arrogant
Who do we choose to be?

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 28 October 2015 at 11:32pm

Most of the times, people are full of assumptions with their own sights and hearings. However, they don’t know the whole story. Being slow in speech, people often stop me with their own conclusions. Thus they reach to the wrong conclusion. Instead of listening patiently, most people can’t stand to give their opinions. Why can’t people listens more? I tend to listen more than I speak. I find the joy to lend a pair of listening ears. When it comes to my turn to confide, everyone is eager to pout their own judgments of me and my situations. This really hurts. The recent case is my business mentor who scolds me, “leech!” That words hurt me so much. She doesn’t know much in what I have been through. Until I cry to the Lord. Surprisingly, she asked me the reason I let her got iPhone 6S under my renewed contract. So I have the opportunity to explain my appreciation of our friendship. Then she relented and replied she’ll get it under her son’s corporate plan. She upgrades her 12GB 3G old plan to 4GB 4G plan and treats it as discipline. Because she feels that I need the income more than she does. Strangely, though I am so hurt, I still care about her as the way I care my mother. I see her hurts as I see my mother’s hurts.

New Hairstyle

Today, I go to my business mentor’s house. Upon reaching there, she brings me to her nearby hair salon to cut my hair for $5. On the way to go to her nearby hair salon, I make the same mistakes in my words. Then she corrects the way I should speak. Then she remembers that she is dealing with an autistic. I feel bad to stumble in my words. I also want to be able to speak clearly in person. She instructs the hair salon person to cut my hair short yet with a style. After the haircut, I look different. I look younger and better. Her haircut begins later, but she finishes earlier than I do. Then we return to her house, have shower and she guides me to blow my hair. I really appreciate her kind gesture to guide me. Inside I feel so embarrassed of myself to learn this in my 30s.

Next, she presses the acupoints at my head, neck and shoulders to relieve my chronic migraine and massage my aching hands due to too much exposure to phone and computer usage. Most of the work need to be done with computer usage. Oh I wish to go back to the good old days without computer.

Then she questions her role in our business. What is she? It seems to her that she becomes my personal physician, clearing my mess, business writing editor, and even comsultant besides of business mentor and partner. I feel so speechless. Inside my heart, I wish to have a mother in Christ whom I can confide in.

Unexpected Massage

Today, it is an unexpected meeting my business mentor. she messages me that her meeting with a business consultant is postponed to next week so she doesn’t mind to meet me. She guides me how to spend $10 voucher from an expensive shop because she refuses me giving it to her. Amazingly, I find the glass jug I have been looking for. Then she brings me to nearby food court and we have a talk at a food court. She treats me fried banana and crispy nuts for snacks. I really appreciate her to call someone to find volunteer for a startup company and massage my perpetual chronic migraine. She explains it too fast that I need to learn to speak out to ask for help especially next week during the creative meeting. Oh, this is humbling.

Thank God for the opportunity and courage to tell her that the truth she said is too harsh and to explain that I can’t find the correct words to express myself because I am slow. She confesses that is the way she presents her truth. Then the scripture “speak the truth with love” comes to my mind and I state it is in proverbs. Since I am slow, she teaches me to say “excuse me, let me explain”. When she says that I love my face, I feel so speechless. It’s not about saving my face, it’s being quiet in the Lord and being caring for others.

Come to think of all these things, I have been thinking and thinking. I laugh at myself again. Why do I become a small kid again? However, this time is with a spiritual mother whom I have been wishing and needing in my life. So fierce. This spiritual mother is my business mentor and also my business partner.

In the middle of the night, I begin to search “speak the truth with love” from the scripture. It is found in Ephesians 4:15. It is not “with” but “in”. Oh no! I remember it wrongly. So I quickly message her. I wonder and wonder. What is God doing? I thought I am going to die. I thought I hear Him clearly to sacrifice the little money I have.

Mysterious

Unfathomable mysterious shadows
Looming and lurking
Under the dark night sky
Crossing over the beach trees
Chills a fearful girl 
Seeking solace in her mother’s 
Warm embrace 

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Inspiration On: Sunday, 7 September 2014 at 7:31pm to 7:40pm

Refreshed after shower, a vivid picture plays in my mind. At first, the scene is full of scary shadows. Then a little girl comes into the picture. Trees are the later scene to emphasize the mysterious shadow. Finally, the beach is the best location to intertwine the shadows and the little girl. Of course, it is dangerous for a little girl to play by herself on the beach. Therefore, the mother comes into the picture. Hope you all enjoy. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Mother’s Extreme Cares

Lemon juice no sugar
She pour sugar into it
Worried of me having stomach gastric
But I have no such problem
Sour food doesn’t taste sour to me
But her taste bud taste sour sensitively

Baggy t-shirts is awful to her
Destroying her sight seeing
But it feels good to me
Especially windy days
Wind enters into the t-shirts
Cooling to the body
Might as well she hides in the room

Nags to dry my hair
After my shower
Nags to dry to my hair
Before I left home
Nags, nags, nags
Nags like a rewinding tape
Nags like a parrot

Oh, my ears are tired
But have to endure and learning to correct her gently
Her nagging concern

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Inspiration On: Monday, 14 October 2013 at 1:17am
Inspiration Ends On: Wednesday, 15 October 2013 at 11:51pm

My mother is extremely caring. But she tends to do things her way of concern in her point of view. Going through this, I learnt something valuable. Rather than concern with own point of view, I need to understand the recipients’ needs. Everyone has own needs and perspective as long as it didn’t compromise God’s Words.

Depression vs Jealousy

Depressed
Demon
Whispers
Suicide thoughts
As solution
Leading to
Eternal death

Jealousy
Demon
Shouts
LASH
As solution
Leading to
Destruction

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Inspiration On: Friday, 19 July 2013 from 1:30am to 8:04pm

While conversing on the phone about my friend’s plight who didn’t talk about her husband’s mother’s doings to her husband, this poetry birthed out about my friend and her mother in law. Though she can’t believe her mother in law has possessive mental problem.

Toxic of Jealousy

Unsightly family harmony
Pick a quarrel
Enjoy fighting
With words
Lashing painful words
Seeking to control
Seeking to destroy
The new family

Jealousy control
Giving evil reign
Upon self
Seeking others’ fault
Blind to own’s fault
No wonder people
Stand afar from
An unrepentant heart
A blind mind
A deaf ear
Assuming others like
The unrepentant heart’s
Hypocritical mindset
Misunderstand others’
Kindness and goodwill

Influence her own good friend
To believe her speech
To believe she is victim
Misunderstand others’
Messages
Wrong perception of others
Kindness and goodwill
Confronting me for shouting
At his good friend
Without searching the truth
Without asking my reason

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 17 July 2013 at 12:34am
Inspiration Ends On: Friday, 19 July 2013 at 6:52pm
Compiled On: Friday, 19 July 2013 at 7:44pm

Reading Darky Blue’s poetry at http://darkyblue.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/how-many-is-too-many/ reminded me of my friend’s case whom i just shared her experience.

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Her nurse friend whom she confided to diagnose her with depression for the situation I have shared through my previous poetry for her. Her dad who recently told her that if she didn’t explain the truth she will be miserable and people will continually bully her. Because she felt that it was useless for her to say so since her husband won’t believe her words and he believed his mother’s words more than her. What’s the point for her to say more? Wasting her time. She didn’t want her marriage to be broken. Her nurse friend helped her to pray and queried whether she ever eat a medicine from a doctor. Yes was her reply, but it had stopped. So her friend suggested to her to see again to let the medicine help her to relax. Her friend and I also don’t want to see her to be taken away to the mental hospital.

After many requests for her husband’s contact, she hesitantly wrote down her husband’s number with trembling hands. Her nurse friend who called her husband that she was with his wife, he was happy. Unexpectedly, her husband was shocked with her nurse friend who divulged she had suicidal attempts. Alarmed not to worry her husband, she tried to stop her nurse friend for saying so. But it was too late. He immediately rushed to fetch her. Her nurse friend comforted her that her husband still care for her.

Sending her to the mrt station to meet her husband, she seemed reluctant to follow her husband. But her nurse friend introduced herself and asked him to love her and protect her. He willingly agreed. Holding hands, he gently explains the reason he scolded her for giving the feeling his mother was unwelcomed. All she thinks are to move her brother’s things out of the room, but expressed it wrongly due to thinking visually with wrong words. Her father had discussed the problem with him amicably and resolved to let him be the middle person. If there is unhappiness, his mother and her dad will go to him. This is due to her dad is worried for her not being able to convey the message correctly. Peace is restored. Since he had apologized to mother and dad, he hoped her to apologize to his mother. When she was going to apologize, the phone rang. It was her sister in law confronting her for shouting. Angered by those words and realizing her mother in law’s dishonesty, she went to bathroom to pray for God’s help to forgive her mother in law just as He had forgiven her. Having showered helped to cool down and apologize to her mother in law. Shocked with her reactions to immediately hug her and also apologize for her own fault.

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Being alone in her house, she felt peaceful and can concentrate on her freelance work. Her parents went out. Her mother in law schedules her son’s playground at her brother in law’s house. While her husband and her holding hands together guiding the way, the helper observed her mother in law looked very angry, instead of being happy for her son. Her helper told her in the middle of the night before sleep. She had been wondering why her mother in law was so jealous of her.

Friday, 19 July 2013

Yesterday, she had fixed an appointment with her previous neurology. Today, her neurology told the same thing to her to tell her husband the truth what she had been through with her mother in law. The truth will let her husband to think. Not her to do so all the time. If she continues to keep quiet, she will be miserable. He also reminded her of the wedding woes to share to her husband her troubles. Unhappy with this, she had been wondering and didn’t wish to hurt her mother in law.

Everyone’s Basis of Statement through Analysis from her previous talk. Her mother in law went through divorce at the age of 30 for her husband left her for another woman. Her husband’s siblings rebuked and blamed her for being too brawling. So he couldn’t stand her.

But my friend feels what that has got to do with her. What does she has to make her mother in law jealous?

Motherhood

LOUD
STRONG
WAIL
Project out of the delivery room

A baby is born
His first cry
Enter my ears
Cuddle him
Provides warmth

Life with baby seems rough
Giving him full attention
Stay with him while he cries
Connect us with
Love
Affection
Understanding

The more I care him
The more he calms down with my presence
The more he communicates calmly
Though not all the time

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 13 June 2013 at 2:18am
Inspiration Ends On: Friday, 14 June 2013 at 11:37pm

Upon reaching motherhood phase of life, I search through books and attempt to apply it. Some methods are successful, but some methods are not applicable. So I’m still learning and agree with some of the theories.

Jealous Baby Boy

Just a few countable words to grandma
He grabs grandma’s left hand swiftly
His uncle pretends to grab grandma’s right hand
Whining and grabs grandma’s hand stronger
Whining angrily
Impatiently waiting for his uncle to leave grandma
Nobody can replace grandma
Grandma only belongs to him
Grandma is his only
He won’t share her to anyone

Grandma goes out with grandpa
He wailed whiningly
As a sign of disagreement
Grandma only belongs to him
Grandma is his only
He won’t share her to anyone

Instead, he loves his aunt very much
Picks up the telephone
Dial randomly
Speaking imaginatively to his aunt
Anticipating of her visit zealously

On the playground
A toddler older than him hold his dad
He instantly snatches his dad
He disagree instantly for me to be with that toddler
Pissed of that toddler
Target that toddler among others
Whenever that toddler fills the basket with colourful ball
Quietly he presses the button
The button to throw the colourful balls out of the basket
To let that toddler’s collected ball flows out
Repetitively he does so
And continuously does so
Without rest
With a revengeful smile
Oh, that toddler is a boy

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 5 June 2013 At 9:45pm

Seems that my son is jealous of his grandpa and uncle (my younger brother), particularly towards boy and men. He is extremely close to his grandma and loves her the most. That grandma is my mother. He slept beside her from second months to eight months before transferred to his cot. Is this a phase of a toddler’s life? But he is not jealous of my elder sister (his aunt). In fact, he loves her and listens to her more than me.

First to third stanzas are everyday events, but the playground case was the most recent case. I left the playground for toilet after the snatching event. When I returned, I was puzzled of my son to continuously pressed the throw ball button quietly. Upon reaching home, my husband told me what happened when I left the playground for toilet. Though he is a sweet and caring boy, I can’t believe of my son’s jealousy.