Always Screwed

Feel encouraged and appreciated
Receiving compliments and directness
Where to improve

Confessing to my Lord
All the hurts and pain
Betrayal feelings

Confessing to mature Christians
Seeking counsel to
Settle the dispute with those

Tend to sow discord
Making wrong to right
Right to wrong

Tired of such mental anguish from hell
Sense God’s goodness through others wish
The best for me through their acts of kindness

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Inspiration On: Sunday, 31 January 2016

Looking at the time, I rush my son to eat. I got pissed off and scold him no need to go out with me. It is just a remark to rush him off. My brother shows his displeasure to leave him at home. I react and tell him off not to meddle my discipline. After I cut the meat in his bowl, he rushes into my room. So I run after him. Then he cries and asking me, “why do you always scold me?” That hurts me. I respond, “whenever I say gently, you don’t listen.” I already know that my mum always overwrite my discipline and even scold me in front of my son.

I don’t know how to say. I feel so appreciative of BL’s compliments and suggestions of my curriculum vitae. Her directness to tell me that I focus on the unimportant stuffs and to spread myself too thin. That’s what Perine Seah has been telling me. I enjoy the interaction with Tanvi whom she introduces as her researcher and even voiceover.

Another while I feel so hurt to know my mother in law and husband attempt to sow discord between my parents and I. It is due to their lack of insecurity and jealousy. I intercede for him not to be taken away. I just let God to do the judgement. I feel so tired of the struggle to intercede.

So I confess to Uncle WY, “Uncle WY, how do you handle someone who sows discord? I often comfort myself with their good points. I feel like a fool. Later on, I found out about it. I need more mature Christians who can guide me in this. Thanks.”

“May i call you tomorrow Mon 1st Feb at 12pm to pray with you how to handle those who sow discord? unc WY,” he responds.

Gratefully I respond, “Sure. Thanks a lot.”

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Truths and Hurts

Awakened to see
Everybody’s
True colours

Awakened to see and understand
Different perspectives, shoes and feelings
Sword of betrayal feelings hurts me deeply

Angst of ordeal pain
Due to being care too much
Letting everyone to cross over my boundaries

Always pointing my mistakes
Without knowing my worst feelings
Only care with their own opinions and feelings

Let God be the Judge
Learn to assert my boundaries with wisdom
Seeking God’s protection upon my boundaries

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Inspiration On: Saturday, 30 January 2016

In the church service, they preach on the theme “Beyond Conflict” on how to resolve conflict in a biblical way and the examples of good points and the mistakes made between people. My heart is so hurting. At the altar call, I seek prayer to alleviate my mental stress, better manage myself and to find a job so that I can protect those whom I love. The intercessor comforts me of God’s presence in my hard times. I feel better then I fetch my son from the GKids. I feel so happy that he listens to instructions well during the community blessings. I thank the Lord for his heart.

I am shocked to realize the points I am disappointed with my husband. Dishonesty, lack of gratitude and commitment, manipulative, using my parents and ready to kick them away once our son reaches 3 years old, taking it for granted, think of himself and his own presumptions made me lose hope in my husband. Recently, he insists to let the helper to have her own way to return to her hometown instead of negotiating with her and choose to believe her excuse to return to her hometown. In the end, I have to bear the consequences of his decision. He still dares to say I don’t think for him. I have enough of his excuses. He thinks that handle maid is easy. Throughout the interaction with him, I have enough to deal with such personality who can make right to wrong and wrong to right. When my dad rebuked him gently, he regards it as bully him instead of accepting as a man’s responsibility. I heard it from our son talking to my mother in law on the phone. I have enough of this. Inside my heart, I feel so stupid to believe him. I have felt worst in my heart to let God down, let my parents down, my mistakes and failures, to cover his mistakes and to bear the consequences of his decisions. I feel so foolish to only see his good points to comfort myself. I also feel so foolish to care my mother in law’s feelings who later on backstab me from behind and using my husband. My husband fully listens to her every orders. Now, he is playing politics and attempting to take our son’s heart. Lord, I have enough of this. Now, I totally surrender my mother in law and my husband to you. I’m tired of the politics. No wonder it cause me mental stress and being torn in between. Lord, I just want to have peace of mind. Thank You, Lord, for Your divine meeting with Your committed followers. I feel so thankful for their support.

John Maxwell Leadership course definitely helps me a lot. I thank God for him and appreciate his business.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Standing Up Again To Be Criticized

The joy of the Lord is improving my thoughts
Watching movie as a family excites me
Only to be criticized
Not being detailed
Without realizing my struggle
Standing up again
Striving to get my structure back

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 16 December 2015

I bring my son out to due to missing the time with him. Doing the butterfly sticker with him. I miss this. After putting him and the maid at the playground, I go to the library to do work. I didn’t able to complete all the task list. This is so frustrating. At home, after dinner I want to complete the resume and portfolio. However, my husband bugs me that our son wants to watch ‘Snoopy Movie’. I relent due to feeling guilty not spending family time enough. Now I begin to see the same pattern continues. No wonder my career suffers. In the end, the resume and portfolio that I need to send by email is at the back burner.

The movie begins from the protagonist who owns A dog named Snoopy. I can relate to Charlie Brown who does his best in everything he does. My son and I enjoy it but not my husband.

Upon reaching home, my parents point out not to tire my son to bring him for movie. It is due to him not taking nap. Then dad shares his findings about the white blood cell in my urine sample in mandarin. The best doctor is gynecologist. Then they advise me to tell to my husband to search it rather than making a big round. I have told him during dinner time. He concludes to let me decide. I decide to find the gynecologist. They keep commenting that I do not listen to them. But this time the Lord has enabled me to be ahead of their concern. Mum tells me to observe my son more due to my maid isn’t doing enough. Then she boasts that she is very detailed. However, I feel she is not so detailed. Why? I have to tell her that the maid ate the food I ate. My brother had a flat feet. They only know it when my brothers and I are in our 20s. I’m trying my best to stand up again. When I begin to stand up again, they begin to make me feel more guilty. They don’t even know I am struggling especially losing my structure. Parents are full of their opinions and think highly of themselves. Still say they understand me. However, they don’t. Well. I learn a lesson from Snoopy movie. He doesn’t bother his friends. Therefore, he can complete his homework essay. My business mentor is right. People’s opinions tend to get the better of me. I shouldn’t be bothered. I care too much for them to get married. The quotes gate is right stating, “You can do 99 things for someone and all they’ll remember is the one thing you didn’t do.” I have enough of this. No wonder my working mood is lost at home.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Voiceless

Brushing own opinion aside
Casting own voice away
Dragged by others’ decision
Am I voiceless?

Too caring?
Too concern?
Living in accordance to others’ voice
Am I voiceless?

Unwilling to hurt others’ feelings
But I am hurting inside
Alive but voiceless
Losing myself
Loneliness rule

Voicing out
Only to be rejected
Only to be misunderstood
Loneliness rule

Taken for granted?
Taken advantaged?
Loneliness rule
Am I voiceless?

Am I voiceless . . . ?
Are my opinions worthless?
Does ………
……. anybody
……………….. care?

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Inspiration On: Monday, 21 April 2014 from 12:45am to 4:38am

Current upheaval life from inside and outside rubbed salt into my past pain and worsened it deeply. Thus, such feelings evokes and birthing out this poetry. Wish you all have good days and thank you for reading my poetry.

Tongue’s Traffic Light

Red light appears
Brake tongue pedestal
Time to keep quiet
Red light dispels

Orange light appears
Slight brake tongue
Time to warn confidant
Orange light disappears

Green light appears
Running tongue
Ticking with certain time
Short period to express words
Before green light hides

Return to orange light
Back to red light

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Inspiration On: Saturday, 13 July 2013 from 12:49am to 1:07am

The idea of keeping our mouths quiet at a period of time prevents us from coming trouble. And the time to warn those who needs warning and when to say out our opinions. Traffic light seems that the best analogy and metaphor. Upon writing it down, the above poetry flowed out of my imagination.

I Don’t Understand

I don’t understand
I don’t understand
Why people laugh at my actions?
I don’t understand
Why people laugh at my words?
I don’t understand
Myself
I really don’t understand
Myself

Do you understand me?
My readers, do you understand me?
Does my style of writing makes you laugh?

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Inspiration On: Monday, 24 June 2013 at 7:28pm
Inspiration Ends On: Tuesday, 25 June 2013 at 12:21am

Whole-Life or Death Sentence

What is the best law policy?
A whole-life sentence?
Or
A death sentence?

Which one is more effective?
A whole-life sentence?
Or
A death sentence?

How does it benefit or help the society?
A whole-life sentence?
Or
A death sentence?

In which context is it applicable?
A whole-life sentence?
Or
A death sentence?

Which one do you think is the best?
May I have your opinions please?
Thank you.

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Inspiration On: Sunday, 25 November 2012 at 1:52am to 3:05am

Upon reading news that some countries’ law does not permit death sentence, only enforce whole life imprisonment. But some countries still persists in enforcing death sentence. So the above poetry is birthed out. And I am hoping to understand everyone’s opinions.