Pain Awakes

Awake from pain
Awake through pain
Awake in pain

To see a person’s true colours
To separate the truth from lies
To realize own mistakes

Admit own mistakes
Only to be treated as scapegoat
Others throw their mistakes onto me

Letting others control over my life
Let them go by walking away
Enable me to be in control of own emotions

Speaking up to assert myself
Speaking up to create own boundary
Speaking up to stand up for others

Living in continuum pain
Seeking God’s healing
Live to please my Lord

Inspiration On: Monday, 28 April 2014 at 4:50am
Revised On: Monday, 30 January 2017 at 9:30pm

Everyday’s pain in dealing with people births out this poetry. I learn to realise of my own weaknesses and to stand up for my family and myself. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

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Always Screwed

Feel encouraged and appreciated
Receiving compliments and directness
Where to improve

Confessing to my Lord
All the hurts and pain
Betrayal feelings

Confessing to mature Christians
Seeking counsel to
Settle the dispute with those

Tend to sow discord
Making wrong to right
Right to wrong

Tired of such mental anguish from hell
Sense God’s goodness through others wish
The best for me through their acts of kindness


Inspiration On: Sunday, 31 January 2016

Looking at the time, I rush my son to eat. I got pissed off and scold him no need to go out with me. It is just a remark to rush him off. My brother shows his displeasure to leave him at home. I react and tell him off not to meddle my discipline. After I cut the meat in his bowl, he rushes into my room. So I run after him. Then he cries and asking me, “why do you always scold me?” That hurts me. I respond, “whenever I say gently, you don’t listen.” I already know that my mum always overwrite my discipline and even scold me in front of my son.

I don’t know how to say. I feel so appreciative of BL’s compliments and suggestions of my curriculum vitae. Her directness to tell me that I focus on the unimportant stuffs and to spread myself too thin. That’s what Perine Seah has been telling me. I enjoy the interaction with Tanvi whom she introduces as her researcher and even voiceover.

Another while I feel so hurt to know my mother in law and husband attempt to sow discord between my parents and I. It is due to their lack of insecurity and jealousy. I intercede for him not to be taken away. I just let God to do the judgement. I feel so tired of the struggle to intercede.

So I confess to Uncle WY, “Uncle WY, how do you handle someone who sows discord? I often comfort myself with their good points. I feel like a fool. Later on, I found out about it. I need more mature Christians who can guide me in this. Thanks.”

“May i call you tomorrow Mon 1st Feb at 12pm to pray with you how to handle those who sow discord? unc WY,” he responds.

Gratefully I respond, “Sure. Thanks a lot.”

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Truths and Hurts

Awakened to see
Everybody’s
True colours

Awakened to see and understand
Different perspectives, shoes and feelings
Sword of betrayal feelings hurts me deeply

Angst of ordeal pain
Due to being care too much
Letting everyone to cross over my boundaries

Always pointing my mistakes
Without knowing my worst feelings
Only care with their own opinions and feelings

Let God be the Judge
Learn to assert my boundaries with wisdom
Seeking God’s protection upon my boundaries


Inspiration On: Saturday, 30 January 2016

In the church service, they preach on the theme “Beyond Conflict” on how to resolve conflict in a biblical way and the examples of good points and the mistakes made between people. My heart is so hurting. At the altar call, I seek prayer to alleviate my mental stress, better manage myself and to find a job so that I can protect those whom I love. The intercessor comforts me of God’s presence in my hard times. I feel better then I fetch my son from the GKids. I feel so happy that he listens to instructions well during the community blessings. I thank the Lord for his heart.

I am shocked to realize the points I am disappointed with my husband. Dishonesty, lack of gratitude and commitment, manipulative, using my parents and ready to kick them away once our son reaches 3 years old, taking it for granted, think of himself and his own presumptions made me lose hope in my husband. Recently, he insists to let the helper to have her own way to return to her hometown instead of negotiating with her and choose to believe her excuse to return to her hometown. In the end, I have to bear the consequences of his decision. He still dares to say I don’t think for him. I have enough of his excuses. He thinks that handle maid is easy. Throughout the interaction with him, I have enough to deal with such personality who can make right to wrong and wrong to right. When my dad rebuked him gently, he regards it as bully him instead of accepting as a man’s responsibility. I heard it from our son talking to my mother in law on the phone. I have enough of this. Inside my heart, I feel so stupid to believe him. I have felt worst in my heart to let God down, let my parents down, my mistakes and failures, to cover his mistakes and to bear the consequences of his decisions. I feel so foolish to only see his good points to comfort myself. I also feel so foolish to care my mother in law’s feelings who later on backstab me from behind and using my husband. My husband fully listens to her every orders. Now, he is playing politics and attempting to take our son’s heart. Lord, I have enough of this. Now, I totally surrender my mother in law and my husband to you. I’m tired of the politics. No wonder it cause me mental stress and being torn in between. Lord, I just want to have peace of mind. Thank You, Lord, for Your divine meeting with Your committed followers. I feel so thankful for their support.

John Maxwell Leadership course definitely helps me a lot. I thank God for him and appreciate his business.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Muster Courage to ask for help

Today, I meet my scriptwriter group and go for lunch at Old Town White Coffee. I appreciate their kind understanding for me to bring my own lunch. The reason is to save money for the animation production costs.

Thankful for the Old Town White waiter to give me disposable spoon and chopsticks when he observes I bring my own lunch. Actually, I bring vegetables. Then I intend to have noodle at nearby cafe. So that it will not cost me a lot for lunch. After we have lunch, I go to the cafe for the noodle and the staff gives me a discount.

Even I would like thank my business mentor to welcome me to her house. It takes me a great deal to muster courage to ask for her help to relieve my perpetual chronic migraine. I also remember her words to invite me to her house for haircut.

Really thank God for such good people and I appreciate their kindness. Thank You, Jesus. This is a great testimony to share.

Daunt Flaunt Haunt Taunt

Haunted by the past
Daunted by the future
Taunted by those who know-it-all
Can’t stand those who flaunt arrogantly

Is life full of the haunted past pains?
Do future life is daunted with fear?
Why do we are taunted by others?
Who want to be flaunted?

No wonder the world is full of hurts.


Inspiration On: Friday, 29 November 2013 at 9:40pm
Inspiration Ends On: Thursday, 7 August 2014 at 1:38pm

Toni Andrukaitis’ email of concern helps me to work on my writing block. Her recent post What the heck Wednesday helps me to get up again. Flipping to my writing blocks, more inspiration comes through past experiences and my fear feelings of the future. Thank you, Toni, for your concern. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Sleep Walking

T-shirt pulls upwards with wrinkles
Scratching all over body without tuck in
Causing wind enters into stomach

Stomach pain due to wind
Dances all over the stomach wall happily
Unless fart to eliminate pain


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 22 April 2014 at 5:37am to 5:55am

My dear 45 months toddler was sleeping, but he still could feel itchy and scratch himself. It was a very surprising discovery. Unconsciously, we still feel itchy during sleep even hot and cold. I am still questioning why my toddler feels itchy at night? Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Dark Jungle

Living in the jungle
Jungle of darkness
Prison of isolation
Rejected
Starving love
Beware of the lurking evil

Dark sharp pointed hands
Knock the door of minds
Possessing the hearts
Sowing seeds of darkness
Into the hearts and minds
Hatred breeds within

Bitter fruits bloom out
Out to lash innocent lives
Lives in dismay and destruction
More minds and hearts are
Smeared with questions and blood
Smeared with hurts and pains

An excruciating endless cycle
Are lives not precious?


Inspiration On: Sunday, 15 December 2013 at 12:14pm
Inspiration Ends On: Monday, 21 April 2014 at 3:17am

Understanding human’s psychology and the heartbreaking news of contaminated food, riots, and war summed this poetry. Wish you all have good days and thank you.