Standing Up Again To Be Criticized

The joy of the Lord is improving my thoughts
Watching movie as a family excites me
Only to be criticized
Not being detailed
Without realizing my struggle
Standing up again
Striving to get my structure back


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 16 December 2015

I bring my son out to due to missing the time with him. Doing the butterfly sticker with him. I miss this. After putting him and the maid at the playground, I go to the library to do work. I didn’t able to complete all the task list. This is so frustrating. At home, after dinner I want to complete the resume and portfolio. However, my husband bugs me that our son wants to watch ‘Snoopy Movie’. I relent due to feeling guilty not spending family time enough. Now I begin to see the same pattern continues. No wonder my career suffers. In the end, the resume and portfolio that I need to send by email is at the back burner.

The movie begins from the protagonist who owns A dog named Snoopy. I can relate to Charlie Brown who does his best in everything he does. My son and I enjoy it but not my husband.

Upon reaching home, my parents point out not to tire my son to bring him for movie. It is due to him not taking nap. Then dad shares his findings about the white blood cell in my urine sample in mandarin. The best doctor is gynecologist. Then they advise me to tell to my husband to search it rather than making a big round. I have told him during dinner time. He concludes to let me decide. I decide to find the gynecologist. They keep commenting that I do not listen to them. But this time the Lord has enabled me to be ahead of their concern. Mum tells me to observe my son more due to my maid isn’t doing enough. Then she boasts that she is very detailed. However, I feel she is not so detailed. Why? I have to tell her that the maid ate the food I ate. My brother had a flat feet. They only know it when my brothers and I are in our 20s. I’m trying my best to stand up again. When I begin to stand up again, they begin to make me feel more guilty. They don’t even know I am struggling especially losing my structure. Parents are full of their opinions and think highly of themselves. Still say they understand me. However, they don’t. Well. I learn a lesson from Snoopy movie. He doesn’t bother his friends. Therefore, he can complete his homework essay. My business mentor is right. People’s opinions tend to get the better of me. I shouldn’t be bothered. I care too much for them to get married. The quotes gate is right stating, “You can do 99 things for someone and all they’ll remember is the one thing you didn’t do.” I have enough of this. No wonder my working mood is lost at home.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

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Keep Me In The Dark About Myself

Behind closed doors
Parents and siblings
Discuss my mental condition worsen
Knowing my parents keep a secret

Keep me in a dark about myself is pointless
Prevent me from being hurt
Cause me more hurts

Keep me in a dark about myself is pointless
Someone points autism in me
Cause me more hurts

Choose to keep quiet
Refuses to worry my family
Struggling alone
Crying alone
My heart cry to the Lord


Inspiration On: Saturday, 28 November 2015

I just don’t understand God. All I think is to fulfill my vow to the Lord with my own $5000. Strange to be given part time job and office space. Yes. I make mistakes in my part time job for missing out some part of the instructions. Glad for my boss to tell me not to do anything except preparing the sales order and ask Chris for inventory clarification. It’s bad to to be under depression. Now I begin to understand those who are under depression.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Cat, Dog & Baby Mouse

Cat
Waits at the mouse’s hole
Waiting to play with the mouse
Makes fun of the mouse
Poke and itch the mouse
Laughter covers the room
Shouts of help fill the house
Cat laughs at baby mouse’s demise

Dog
Labours the baby mouse
Smells the baby mouse
Cares the baby mouse
Plays with baby mouse
Laughter fills the house
Disciplines baby mouse
Guard baby mouse’s wrong actions
Learning as backbone mother

Mouse
Cute ears pop out
Makes fun of cat
Pokes and itch the cat
With a mischievous smile
Pulls the cat’s hairy legs as the cat changes clothing
Runs around the house
Jumps around the house
Taking off clothing to shower
Showing his sexy naked body with a pose
Misbehaviour turns to obedience once dog appears


Inspiration On: Monday, 4 November 2013 at 11:20pm
Inspiration Ends On: Tuesday, 5 November 2013 at 2:20am

The cat refers to my husband, dog refers to me, and baby mouse refers to my son. Influenced with the Tom & Jerry cartoon shown by his dad, he keeps on saying he is the mouse, his dad is the cat and I am the dog. Normally, his dad and I notice his cute pop out ears like a mouse’s ears. So I summed up everyone’s perspectives in this poetry. Thanks for reading my poetry and hope you all enjoy this.

As A Lady

A lady aspire to concern of her parents
However, parents push her to marriage
Thus, she obliges

In marriage, she must take care of both husband and newborn
And not to forget, her job
Nevertheless, parents whine not spending enough time with them.

Though she aspires to take care of her parents
Financially and spending time with them,
There seems to be endless tasks
As the clock continuously tick
No freezing of time

How contradicting of her parents
The lady is sandwiched between parents, husband, and baby
Parents-in-law also whines of their son
How contradicting of her parents-in-law
The lady is sandwiched between husband and parents-in-law.

Burn-out occurs.

Oh, that is why
Some choose celibacy.


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 16 May 2012 at 1:11pm and 3pm
Revised On: Monday, 21 May 2012 at 1pm

Though my parents stay with me, I can’t seem to have time for myself. There seems to be numerous and endless tasks to make sure the house is neat, tidy, and in proper order. Not just taking care of newborn child and doing my freelance work. I have been trying to balance the time and in the end, my body sometimes burns out even though I engage a helper.

21 Months Old Toddler

Jump onto the chairs
Removing curious stuffs on table.
Pulling cables
Playing the fans buttons
Pressing remote controls
Running to the kitchen
Pulling utensils out of the cupboard
Imagining cooking
Imitating people cook

Pluck out the cube blocks
Pluck in the cube blocks

Banging toys onto the floor
Wow, the loud sound.

Wriggling on the floor
Shouting to go out
Wanting to observe more

Pulling the petals of flowers
Catch a butterfly
See its smallness and beauty
Then let it go

Chasing a bird
Chasing a cat
Chasing a dog
Touching rabbit
Pulling the tails
Stomping onto ants
Scared by the cockroach
Disgusted by the hairy legs

All is done because I’m curious
SPANK
But I’m spanked by my parents
for not listening.


Inspiration On: Sunday, 8 April 2012 at 8:30pm and 10:53pm
Revised On: Wednesday, 11 April 2012 at 5:21pm

Throughout accompanying my 21 months old toddler, the above inspiration came as I try to understand him by putting myself in his shoes. “Pulling the tails” is an addition because I feel that one day my cute baby will do so.

Deep Buried Feelings

Deep buried feelings were kept somewhere.
Painful memories were left unidentified for ten years.
Not ten years, more than that.
Unknowingly, it was planted since young.
It was sowed seed by seed.

Motivation of study is from external source.
Motivation of study only comes from mother.
No inner motivation to do so.
No sense of purpose in life.
No compass to guide me.
Only my parents are my compass.

We followed mother to her chosen destination to give us good future.
We lived in an uncle’s house due to lack of finance.
With my own eyes, I saw my mother being bullied.
I wish to stand strong, but I’m weak.
I’m standing at the corner.
I feel lost.
Angry with my self!
Why am I so slow?
Why am I a weakling?
Leave me alone.
I just wish to be quiet.

A slight headache.
Someone came to my rescue.
It is like a Light enters my heart.
There is a sense of purpose.
I need to stand strong.
I can’t!
But in the Light I can.

A door is closed.
But He opens a window.
A window opens my mind to marriage.

With just a few words through written message,
My past deep feelings were dug out.
No, I think I found out now.
Now I found out what it is.
Found out the root cause to fear of marriage.
It is the very seed that takes root in my heart since young.
It shaped my thinking.
It also shaped my heart.


Expressed on: Friday, 07 November 2008.