Feel Rejected

Thank God and thankful for catching my business partner/mentor at the top seat looking fed up and not replying to my WhatsApp message whether she has reached the talk.

Thank God to meet my business mentor’s friend again whom she is helping. Glad for the amazing courage to immediately ask his business card. It’s like a prayer answered. Though he helps me to see the local media business sector is not good, I gently disagree. When he explains that the technology is driving animation, I disagree too. That shows he doesn’t understand about media. The way she chooses to let him does the talking clearly shows her rejection. He says that he shares his opinion to her friend on Frugal Innovation talk. It is not good enough because he has been in the professional trading industry for many years. She can’t accept it because she finds it good. Though I find it good, I’m okay to hear from another perspective. From him, I begin to see my business mentor’s role in his business. Her role is to talk to the banker. There is no partnership agreement. 

After the talk, my business mentor brings her sister in Christ to the nearby Admin building. There she explains the adjustment process to wear high heel shoes and not to walk long hours. Because I tell her that I have a sprain and fall thrice on my way to Frugal Innovation talk. She is about to call her career consultant about the MacBookAir charger due to I can’t find it. Until there is tugging to call house. When dad sees the charger, I am reminded that yesterday I take it out of my bag due to taking my water bottle out. Oh no! Thank God that she hasn’t called her career consultant. When I ask her on her business partner’s Chinese name in his namecard, she harshly tells me to check it from the dictionary.

After the innovation talk, my business mentor introduces someone from a job search who gladly offers his help to assess my unique values to contribute to the company. So at night, I write a draft email and send it to my business mentor for correction. She replies, “Email is fine. Independence is writing yourself without relying on me.” It sounds angry to me so I ask her, “Why do you sound angry to me? Did I make you angry?” Her reply is, “This what I meant by independence in my WhatsApp last night.” I am speechless for her not to answer my question. Why? I can sense the rejection from her. Why am I always tossed around? O Lord, please have mercy on me.

Talking over the same things again

I ask my business mentor for feedback on my coloured logo designs. Upon reaching there, there is a cup of ginger tea mixed with chrysanthemum tea powder. She points the inconsistency of the front boat to my sketch. My sketch is much better. So I immediately correct it and show it to her. Then she questions my parents’ comment about the qwasha marks at my arms. I tell her as it is happened. My mum was shocked and asked me loudly on the bruises at my arms. Dad calms her down and mentioned Nenhok (my cousin) Jin Fong due to qwasha then blown by the air. My reply was to ask her to qwasha my arms. Strange that she is concerned of my parents’ opinion about my bruised arms. That shows they don’t understand the purpose of qwasha. Then she reminds to use the heater after qwasha. She states a professor teaches on meridian therapy after doing many years of research. She mentions qwasha can be a business. Her friend who is in the business warn of being blamed by those who don’t understand qwasha. So it dissuades her to do such business.

I feel like telling her. Why do you let others’ opinion hurt and stop you? Since it benefits others and her to heal naturally, do so. Everybody has their own opinion.

The way she looks at me is that I can’t communicate clearly. It feels so depressing. Is my effort to learn to communicate clearly pointless? in the text message, I ask her “In which part are you unhappy with me?” Then I carry on, “On Tuesday night when I blow my hair for the first time, everyone is shocked.” I feel so disappointed when she tells me that her career counselor is hers. So I reply her that she is the one who introduces him to me. She replies that he is doing the favour for her for our startup.l to search for a team. At the first place, I have been wondering. Is it wrong for me to open myself to her? When she doesn’t reply to my question, “Are you tired of me due to my lack of communication ability?” I feel rejected. During my depression, she comforts me and encourages me to stand up. The Lord makes me realize that there are still Christians who live in His Word. Now due to my limited experience in business, I keep on talking about the same things over and over again. She feels upset. How should I do?

New Hairstyle

Today, I go to my business mentor’s house. Upon reaching there, she brings me to her nearby hair salon to cut my hair for $5. On the way to go to her nearby hair salon, I make the same mistakes in my words. Then she corrects the way I should speak. Then she remembers that she is dealing with an autistic. I feel bad to stumble in my words. I also want to be able to speak clearly in person. She instructs the hair salon person to cut my hair short yet with a style. After the haircut, I look different. I look younger and better. Her haircut begins later, but she finishes earlier than I do. Then we return to her house, have shower and she guides me to blow my hair. I really appreciate her kind gesture to guide me. Inside I feel so embarrassed of myself to learn this in my 30s.

Next, she presses the acupoints at my head, neck and shoulders to relieve my chronic migraine and massage my aching hands due to too much exposure to phone and computer usage. Most of the work need to be done with computer usage. Oh I wish to go back to the good old days without computer.

Then she questions her role in our business. What is she? It seems to her that she becomes my personal physician, clearing my mess, business writing editor, and even comsultant besides of business mentor and partner. I feel so speechless. Inside my heart, I wish to have a mother in Christ whom I can confide in.

Unexpected Massage

Today, it is an unexpected meeting my business mentor. she messages me that her meeting with a business consultant is postponed to next week so she doesn’t mind to meet me. She guides me how to spend $10 voucher from an expensive shop because she refuses me giving it to her. Amazingly, I find the glass jug I have been looking for. Then she brings me to nearby food court and we have a talk at a food court. She treats me fried banana and crispy nuts for snacks. I really appreciate her to call someone to find volunteer for a startup company and massage my perpetual chronic migraine. She explains it too fast that I need to learn to speak out to ask for help especially next week during the creative meeting. Oh, this is humbling.

Thank God for the opportunity and courage to tell her that the truth she said is too harsh and to explain that I can’t find the correct words to express myself because I am slow. She confesses that is the way she presents her truth. Then the scripture “speak the truth with love” comes to my mind and I state it is in proverbs. Since I am slow, she teaches me to say “excuse me, let me explain”. When she says that I love my face, I feel so speechless. It’s not about saving my face, it’s being quiet in the Lord and being caring for others.

Come to think of all these things, I have been thinking and thinking. I laugh at myself again. Why do I become a small kid again? However, this time is with a spiritual mother whom I have been wishing and needing in my life. So fierce. This spiritual mother is my business mentor and also my business partner.

In the middle of the night, I begin to search “speak the truth with love” from the scripture. It is found in Ephesians 4:15. It is not “with” but “in”. Oh no! I remember it wrongly. So I quickly message her. I wonder and wonder. What is God doing? I thought I am going to die. I thought I hear Him clearly to sacrifice the little money I have.