Own Productivity

Tick and delete
Completed task
Two more tasks pop up

Happen again and again
Continuum process of my life
Endless vicious cycle

Overwhelmed
Discouraged
Burnt out

self-awareness arouse
Self-doubt arise
Self-esteem lower

Lower self-confidence
Frustration knocks
“Give up” echoes

Question myself
Am I the problem?
Why is my productivity level low?

Inspiration On: Tuesday, 19 September 2017

I have reading books about productivity and taking notes. Buy the books and borrow it too. However, I feel so stuck. Instead of of focusing on my creative work, piles of work enters. It is regarding to the job I need to focus and other people’s help. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Confusion

Listen to many perspectives
Enter into many perspectives
Experience many perspectives

Stuck in many perspectives
Pulled in many directions
Always changing directions
Stretch myself into many directions
Spread myself too thin

Here I stand
At the central of
Many opened circular doors
Overwhelmed with mountainous information

Overwhelmed with many new high mountains
Confusion sets in

Which path?
Which direction?
Which way?

Calling out
Reaching out
To my Lord and Saviour

Save me
Help me
Clear my mind

Fix my perspective
Position my career direction
To the only direction

With the right environment
With the right people
Where respect, unity and teamwork dwells

Let me in tune with
My inner-self
My Self-awareness

Inspiration On: Saturday, 26 August 2017
Edited On: Tuesday, 29 August 2017

As I am deciding the path of my career, I feel so confused with many people’s opinions about the career I am choosing. Thus, hearing their perspectives, feelings and opinions affect me a lot. Thus birthing this poetry as I call to my Lord’s help before making any decision. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Self-Awareness

Others’ ideas
Others’ viewpoints
Others’ opinions
Others’ perspectives
Others’ perceptions
Others’ thinkings
Others’ expectations

Own idea
Own viewpoint
Own opinion
Own perspectives
Own perceptions
Own thinkings
Own expectations

Simply being aware
Differentiate
Whose thinking
Enable self
To be more
Deliberate
To make
Decision

Inspiration On: Monday, 31 July 2017
Edited On: Saturday, 12 August 2017

Living according to parents’ expectations can be good or bad. Some parents desire their will upon their child to stay at home. However, not every child can stand at home. Undermining the child’s authority brings disaster upon the child’s child mindset towards the mother. Being stuck in between is an excruciating pain. I agree some values but not all. Because some parents want to choose career for their children. I can’t accept such notions. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Self-Realization

Self realisation awakes
Through the miserable feelings
Forcing myself for others
Inner self is seeking
Many outlets to come forth

Sketching
Drawing
Writing
Acting

Focus in one outlet first
Be good in one first
Never forget to
Own weaknesses and strength in Christ

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 31 March 2016

Realising the miserable feeling comes from forcing myself in finance too much. My headache worsens. However, there is a release in the animation class. The release of feelings and the deep things ingrained and lingering.

O Lord, please strengthen me and open the gateway You lead me to. Inside feel so repressed. There is no outlet to come out.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Reality Discovery

Wanting to repeat
School dance and singing
To let me see tomorrow
Not to let my friends watch
Only want to let me see

Inside my heart I feel so privileged
Joy bumps in my heart and mind
Wishing he can do so to Jesus

Time for bed
Mouth continuously opens
Talking incessantly
Repeating his question repetitively
Coming down from his bed

No peace of mind
Steam rises out of my head
Raising my voice to him to sleep

Share the reason he refuses to welcome
A younger boy to his bed
Due to being pushed and knocked his head
Chooses not to fight back
Caring towards younger than him

Instantly compliment his good behaviour
Encourage him to tell me earlier
Comforted of his kindness

As he closes his eyes and mouth
Peaceful reflections run through my mind
Dawns upon me the hurts and pains
In same experiences
In same responses

Speechless
Better self understanding
Lead to understand my son better

---

Inspiration On: Friday, 12 February 2016

I’m happy for my son just want to sing and dance for me to see. I wish he can do so for Jesus. Oh, it’s so irritating for my son to be so talkative before sleep until I lose my temper. He repeats that he dislikes a younger toddler named Namur because Namur pushed him until his skull hurts. Suddenly, Mr. Peabody and Sherman animation comes to my mind. I also remind him of Sherman with the girl who bullied him. Then they become good friends. In conclusion, I point to him that he has a good heart not to take revenge. I’m attempting to encourage his kind behaviour. Inside my heart, I feel so thankful to God and feel comforted. Suddenly, the Lord opens my eyes to understand myself. After I was pushed by my husband, a few days later I tell to my parents. I thought they know. They are shocked of me not telling them earlier. Oh no! I don’t wish my son to be bullied. I need to take note of him. Though he can exaggerate, his sensitivity level is high as mine. This is a shocking self discovery, realization and reality.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Self-Test Workshop

The employability workshop helps to give self-test and to understand myself better. The self test is not totally correct. I belong to the creative side. No wonder I can’t stand living in the logical side. I feel suppressed. Now, I begin to understand my business mentor better that she is more dominant and influencing. Besides that, she is someone who easily jumps into conclusions.

On my way home, I observe the beauty of dove flying across the sky outside the train.

My chronic migraine worsens again especially today during the workshops. When I follow through with my business mentor on iPhone 6S, she immediately replies. However, she doesn’t reply when I ask about her rhema. Is she unhappy, Lord? I know it’s my fault for sharing my diary and dream journal to her. In fact, I shouldn’t. Forgive me, Lord. Now, I begin to see Christ and the evil one work through her. Nobody is perfect. The words that came out of her mouth before, “so you want to change the world” came from the evil one. When I’m being emotional, I also give the devil a foothold especially to share about my journal and dream to her. The dream of her accompanying me through the dark path comfort me. Her kind looks to guide me through.

Lost Self

Awakened
Hidden self
Lost voice
Lost self
Only
To
Return and Haunt
Shattering the shackles
With Christ’s grace and strength

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Inspiration On: Friday, 29 May 2015 at 7:07pm

Self understanding is the most confusing part of my life. Recently, the lost self returns, pray to The Lord and is preparing to do self defense. It is lost due to run over by abusive and spoilt people. I blame myself to care too much. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Madame

I am surprised Harban addresses me as Madame in our every conversations. 

This is just my question to everyone. 
Do I sound like a small kid or Madame in my poetry? 😙 

I am seeking the truth in my writings and poetry. 😗

I need all your honest truth. 

Thank you. 

Weirdo

Artists are weirdoes
Or
Weirdoes are Artists
Or
Are Artists weirdoes?

A tendency to judge
A tendency to discriminate
The odd ones amongst the common traits

Before passing on judgement
Do we self-evaluate ourselves first?
Or
Do we forget own frailty judging others?

Let’s dwell with each other in love
Let’s dwell with each other in compassion
Let’s dwell with each other in peace
Amidst our differences

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 31 October 2013 from 3:02pm to 4:40pm

In terms of strength and intelligence, I am considered the weakest among my siblings. Without a nights sleep, my chronic migraine worsened. My mother posed this question to my family doctor. But she doesn’t have headache without one or two nights sleep. He replied calmly that it is common for people to have headache without sleep. Humorously, he questioned my mum her weirdo for not having headache. She responded with an embarrassed smile.

Family Field

Is family a field of battlefield?
Or
Is family a field of love?

Is family a field of battle?
A battle for power?
A battle for self-fulfilment?
A battle of separation?
A battle of increase burden?

Isn’t family a field of love?
A reason to care?
A reason to self-sacrifice?
A reason of union?
A reason to share burden?

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 30 July 2013 from 9:16am to 9:43am

Whenever I thought of my friend whom I wrote poetry on her behalf, my mind wonders of family values.