Reap from Sowing

What is God’s will?
To care the orphans and widows
Preach the good news

Hard truths at my face
You need to learn to self care
Render me speechless

Why is the word and deed I have done?
Now return to me?
God is not blind and I reap what I sow unto Him

Inspiration On: Thursday, 7 January 2016

Tonight is the cell group day. SS (my cell leader) explains the importance to proclaim God’s Words by personalizing it. Next is a question directed to me, “What is God’s will?” I immediately answer is to care for the orphans and widows. She advises me that I need to be able to take care of myself first. I understand. Then I am surprised to realize that the post encounter lessons I take is the long route but more detailed. Jone and PamLi attend the shortcut lesson. So she recommends the three of us to attend the School of Leadership together. Oh, the number three. Again, am I the odd one? Suddenly, I feel so inspired with the designs for the proclamation scriptures. I share to everyone that I have completed my portfolio and send it to the creative advertising company to apply as junior designer. Then she reveals that there are three partners. SS tells me to pray about the career God wants me to go. Different career leads to different pathways. I know. I have been reflecting on it and wants God to lead me. I remember my business partner’s words when she checks about Walt Disney. He worked as an animator at a creative agency. SS speaks to me to take care of myself first. Lord, if this is the job for me, please bless me in this. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Lord, it has been three days my business mentor has been ignoring me. I still see that she doesn’t read my WhatsApp messages.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Deep Buried Feelings

Deep buried feelings were kept somewhere.
Painful memories were left unidentified for ten years.
Not ten years, more than that.
Unknowingly, it was planted since young.
It was sowed seed by seed.

Motivation of study is from external source.
Motivation of study only comes from mother.
No inner motivation to do so.
No sense of purpose in life.
No compass to guide me.
Only my parents are my compass.

We followed mother to her chosen destination to give us good future.
We lived in an uncle’s house due to lack of finance.
With my own eyes, I saw my mother being bullied.
I wish to stand strong, but I’m weak.
I’m standing at the corner.
I feel lost.
Angry with my self!
Why am I so slow?
Why am I a weakling?
Leave me alone.
I just wish to be quiet.

A slight headache.
Someone came to my rescue.
It is like a Light enters my heart.
There is a sense of purpose.
I need to stand strong.
I can’t!
But in the Light I can.

A door is closed.
But He opens a window.
A window opens my mind to marriage.

With just a few words through written message,
My past deep feelings were dug out.
No, I think I found out now.
Now I found out what it is.
Found out the root cause to fear of marriage.
It is the very seed that takes root in my heart since young.
It shaped my thinking.
It also shaped my heart.

Expressed on: Friday, 07 November 2008.