Assert Boundary

Assert own boundary proves health to
One’s energy
One’s emotion
One’s psychological
One’s spiritual
One’s financial resources
Losing oneself

Overstretch own’s strength
Cause loss of focus
Lack of concentration
Letting the evil overpowers
Awaiting physical death
Like Elijah asked the Lord to leave the earth
Seeking restitution and wisdom from God


Inspiration On: Friday, 4 March 2016

I feel so frustrated for mum to last minute telling me that she and my brother go to Johor Bahru. She tells me to give up on my tomorrow’s intercessor prayer service. I tell her abruptly that I have written down my schedule on her calendar. Why must she does so? She shared her most recent case. She didn’t go to church for the worship singing due to realizing my son’s fever increased. Angrily I leave house to library to concentrate in my work and job search. I also pray to the Lord to stop all these obstacles. I am willing to forgive her as the Lord has forgiven me. I message to my cell leaders and members. I feel bad and grateful for them to understand my situation.

Inside I feel awful. My family members care for me with their own ways. They still claim they understand me. In fact, they don’t understand me at all. Now I can feel from the perspective of a child who wants to protect own parents. Instead of listening to God, the child chooses to listen to own parents out of too much care. In the end, own spiritual, emotional, psychological and financial resources drain drastically. This can’t protect own’s parents, son and loses myself. Henry Cloud is right to put a boundary to assert oneself. Now I remember NTH’s warning. She shared a real life case. The evil one can take advantage of God’s servant who has soft hearts. In the end, the evil one able to overpower those who follow Jesus. Suddenly, the proverbs “beat the grass and startle the snake” comes alive. Do I startle the snake? I thought I am being to direct to my mother in law to stop her from sowing discords.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Frequency and Speed

Different frequency frustrates
Frustrating to put different personalities
With the same value

Frustrates one another
Until both are having a hard time
Bearing one another in love

Having the resolution
To resolve the conflict in
Christ’s love and forgiveness
Amicably


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 12 January 2016

My business mentor sends me a text message, “Praise the Lord that your hubby is attending church with you. Keep praying for breakthrough for him to be touched by God’s amazing love.”

“I hope so,” responding in hope.

“Patience. Declare and proclaim. God is working. Faith is not what we see but believe.” She encourages.

I answer, “Yes. The faith needs to be in accordance to His will.”

“Surrender your will to Him and let His will be your will.” she responds in faith.

Next I share, “I also got alarmed by the dream on Saturday midnight to morning before I attend class. Thank God for the unexpected arrangement.”

Full of her assumptions, “Hope you had shared in the post encounter class.”

“Not yet.” I answer immediately.

“Why not?” She wonders.

I’m explaining, “When everything is cleared first.” Then I testify thankfully, “My husband readily brought our son to nearby mall. My son pestered him to go.”

“Not your wisdom that you thing everything will be cleared first.” She advises.

I know it already so I answer, “Yes. Not my wisdom. Until everything comes to pass first.” Then I continue, “Then meet SS who brought us to church. I thank God to break his strong presumptions about the church at suntec. I explain to him also can’t accept. He strongly presumes that the churches at suntec are materialistic.”

“Up to you,” her response to my previous topic.

So I continue, “I try to explain more about God also can’t listen. Great for the sermon. Beyond persecution. He seems speechless. He has nothing to say. Thank God.”

“It is God who speaks not the pastor and God who causes the eye of his heart to be convicted and ears open!” She corrects. Then she questions, “What made him speechless?”

“Yes. It is God. I can only do my part. he has nothing to say against the Protestants. Great. And I thank God for that. I can relate and understand the message clearly. I thank God to help me during post encounter.” I clarify.

So fast in her opinion, “Share your dream and not think in your own wisdom you want to wait for everything to clear.”

“He enables me to point to the right verse for the given questions.” I continue on the post encounter.

She suggests, “If you wait it could be too late. As you share with the body of Christ, they can pray against the dream if it is not good or protection over you.”

“I don’t want to lose my husband. Unexpectedly, he goes to church. During intercessory prayer, I share it and the lady mentioned I need to share it to my cell leader. Then I share. They guide me to cast it down. Too soft.” I confess. My imagination guides my fingers however articulate it wrongly, “Can’t kick the devil away.” Kicking the devil away plays in my mind repetitively.

Abruptly she advises, “Never hesitate to share with your SS and CG.” She answers, “Never hesitate to share with your SS and CG.”

“Yes. SS says so.” I continue and explain further, “I realize the tone of my voice.”

So full of her opinion to get my wrong message, “By saying that you believe that Satan is greater than Jesus.”

“Nope.” I fed up in the way I express myself.

She corrects my thinking, “That what you feel by saying : Can’t kick the devil away.”

“Jesus’ authority and the tone of His voice,” I continue and feel frustrated to explain myself.

She does a screenshot of the wording, “There is power in the name of Jesus.”

“I have been thinking about the Bible,” I express.

She presses on, “The fact that you said : Can’t kick the devil away. That means you entertain the thought!” This is frustrating to talk to a fast person when I want to share about myself.

“It’s not. Can you please listen?” I plead.

Abrupt opinion, “Then can you please don’t say that!”

“Ok,” I answer instantly. Then I re-clarify, “I’m trying to say. I have been thinking about the Bible in how Jesus’ voice tone to cast out the devil.”

She says, “No, it was not what you said. The bible never said: Can’t kick the devil away.” I feel so tired talking to her and reply, “Yes”.

She exclaims, “But instead the bible cast out every demon!!!” So I apologize, “Sorry if I don’t express it correctly.”

I begin to understand the reason people misunderstands her. Because she ever asked me, “Why people misunderstand me?” She is too fast in her opinion rather than fully listen.

She pinpoints, “Don’t try to cover up your mistakes. If you don’t know something, admit you don’t know and not try to give people impression you know.” Her abrupt opinion again of me. When I don’t say I know.

“Can you please hear me out?” I plead again. Then I continue, “I have been thinking about the Bible. I am wondering about the tone of Jesus tone to cast out the devil. When Jesus rebuke the devil in Peter, “get thee behind me Satan.” In Matthew 16:23. That has been impressing my heart until now.”

Finally, she listens and responds, “Yes, and?” I feel so glad.

“Thinking about the tone of my voice.” I wonder.

She corrects, “Nothing to do with your tone of voice rather than the way of praying against the devil. How does a warrior fight? Gently or in authority?”

“In authority with love and compassion.” I’m thinking in terms of human interaction.

“You fight with the devil in love and compassion?!!!!” She loudly exclaimed. Then I realize she means spiritual realm until, “What rubbish are you talking about?”

“Nope. I thought is to hate sin but love enemy because God wants everyone to be saved. Do you mean the spiritual realm?”

“Frustrating talking to you!!! We have been taking about casting out devil!!!”

“Oh ok. No love and compassion to the devil,” I answer.

She poses a question, “You have?”

“Hatred to the devil.” I answer. Phew. This is so tiring.

Then I clarify, “Whenever I want to say something,

  1. At times thank God it is said clearly
  2. At times I feel so pulled and silenced
  3. At times I say it wrongly :(”

She expresses, “More than that : You need to stay focus on the topic and not talk about something else not related to it.”

“Got it. Thank you for this.” Finally to resolve this. Needing her voice to speak out I ask her, “Do you mind to record your voice? So that I can remember it much clearer. Thank you to do so.”

When I share about Matthew 16:23 to SS, my cell leader, I feel being heard.

I begin, “SS, I have been thinking about the Bible. I am wondering about the tone of Jesus’ tone to cast out the devil. When Jesus rebuke the devil in Peter, “get thee behind me Satan.” In Matthew 16:23. That has been impressing my heart until now.”

“What do you mean ‘Impressing’? disturb you? Or you feel He is so great to sense the devil behind Peter?” She questions.

I feel so validated and able to articulate, “I feel that He is so great to sense the devil behind Peter and can cast it away.”

“Don’t you know He is God in human form. He can even see through the heart,” she questions.

I feel better, “Yes. Those verses really makes me think a lot about Jesus.”

“Yes. What? You know He is God.” another question from her.

I comfortably answers, “Yes. He is fully God and fully Man.”

“Keep it up that He is God,” she encourages.

Thankfully I reply, “Yes. Thank you.”

“You are welcome.”

It ends better. I begin to understand the frequency between my cell leader and I. After I clarify with my business mentor, suddenly my cell leader, “Hi! Tienny, would you like to join Business mentor and myself for worship on the 15Jan, this Friday at 10am at my shop? Thanks.”

“Sure, I reply instantly.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Humbled to Confess

Living among the unbelievers
Being the first one to be saved
For more than ten years weary me
Influencing my life
Tend to put down my faith
Losing the meeting time with believers

Losing myself many times
Pressing on in my faith in Jesus
Crying to Jesus
Holding on to Jesus
Choosing to love
Though made mistakes along the way
Confused with too many people
Confused with too many demands of life
Scared with the nightmare as a warning
Cause me to depend on God’s providence to
Run away unscathed from the chains of darkness

Praying
Interceding
Until
Raising my white flag
To confess to
A sister in Christ who pushes me back to
The flock of Jesus
Whom the Lord comforts me four times
Preventing me from developing sociophobia
Pouring me more courage to persist to
Contribute my part for His kingdom


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 10 November 2015 at 11:30pm

Finally, I confess to a sister in Christ to seek for a spiritual warfare pastor for guidance through WhatsApp. This is so humbling. She is my business mentor. Upon hearing my confession, she instantly email me the class. However, I couldn’t attend due to not the member of her home church. Oh no! After I send her the prompt, she helps me to find out the matter. In the end, she sends me her CG Leader contact. I feel at a loss so I ask her, “Yes. How do I say to her?” She explains her understanding of me wanting to sign up for the class. Until it frustrates her, “And yet you can ask me what to say! Am I talking to a kid???!” I feel so embarrassed of myself. Then she moves me, “She is expecting you to contact her.” Finally, I text her and she calls me. We are meeting this Saturday. I feel relieved.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

In Between

Whole body loses strength
Brain dozes off
Stuck
In Between
Dream and reality
Unable to rise my body
Locked in the dream state

A last message remained in the dream
Once the whole message is
Conveyed
Consciousness regains
Eyes open wide
No strength and energy to move body
Awaiting time to regain strength

Living in between dream and reality
Dream or spiritual realm?
Reality or physical realm?
Living in between spiritual and physical world


Inspiration On: Saturday, 1 November 2015 at 5:30pm

While I sit on the sofa awaiting for my son going to shower, my brain doze off. My heart pumps harder. Body loses strength and eyes can’t open. I hears voices from the reality. My son calls me to sleep on bed. A postman. At the same time, I am in the dream. The house is calmly dark. I go to the kitchen where my husband talks to me. He says that he is flying to his hometown in November. I keep quiet. Only to wake up with body and hands losing strength. Migraine relapse worsens. Heart pumps faster. I feel there is a discrepancy between the month my husband goes to Sabah. The air ticket he booked is in December. Is it a death message? Normally, I don’t take nap. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Unexpected Massage

Today, it is an unexpected meeting my business mentor. she messages me that her meeting with a business consultant is postponed to next week so she doesn’t mind to meet me. She guides me how to spend $10 voucher from an expensive shop because she refuses me giving it to her. Amazingly, I find the glass jug I have been looking for. Then she brings me to nearby food court and we have a talk at a food court. She treats me fried banana and crispy nuts for snacks. I really appreciate her to call someone to find volunteer for a startup company and massage my perpetual chronic migraine. She explains it too fast that I need to learn to speak out to ask for help especially next week during the creative meeting. Oh, this is humbling.

Thank God for the opportunity and courage to tell her that the truth she said is too harsh and to explain that I can’t find the correct words to express myself because I am slow. She confesses that is the way she presents her truth. Then the scripture “speak the truth with love” comes to my mind and I state it is in proverbs. Since I am slow, she teaches me to say “excuse me, let me explain”. When she says that I love my face, I feel so speechless. It’s not about saving my face, it’s being quiet in the Lord and being caring for others.

Come to think of all these things, I have been thinking and thinking. I laugh at myself again. Why do I become a small kid again? However, this time is with a spiritual mother whom I have been wishing and needing in my life. So fierce. This spiritual mother is my business mentor and also my business partner.

In the middle of the night, I begin to search “speak the truth with love” from the scripture. It is found in Ephesians 4:15. It is not “with” but “in”. Oh no! I remember it wrongly. So I quickly message her. I wonder and wonder. What is God doing? I thought I am going to die. I thought I hear Him clearly to sacrifice the little money I have.