Feel Stupid for Being Naive

Being naive
To trust your initial words
Destroy my trusting hearts
My heart is dead
Whenever you repeat your mum’s words
Like a parrot

The way you play with my naiveness
I feel dejected whenever I remember
You seek me during courtship
To
Dazzle my eyes
With garland of flowers

Yet now you are different
All you care is yourself
Instead of investigating the truth
You sell yourself to lies

Living in someone’s influence
Third parties’ views are right
The fool is me for not believing them
My heart is dead
Thanks to you.

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 21 May 2015 at 12:15pm

This is the third sequel to Why Do You? and If Not For Jesus poetry. Lori Carlson’s writing prompt challenge my heart and mind to birth this poetry. My heartbreak journey is stated clearly in my first poetry. The final line signify my sarcastic remarks to my blinded husband until my tears almost dry up. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

If Not For Jesus!

If not for Jesus, I would take matter into my hands!
If not for Jesus, I would leave you!
If not for my Lord, I would have commit suicide!
If not for my Lord, I would avoid you!
If not for my Saviour, I only give you one chance!
If not for my Saviour, I would lock my door!
If not for my God, I would bark!

Yet you barge into my fence of boundaries!
Yet you take me for granted!
Yet you enjoy hurting me more!
Your ACTIONS and WORDS are inconsistent!
You always beat around the bush!

What do you WANT from me?!
I feel sick of your arrogance!
You cause me to fall into the pit of depression!
Initially
You give me the joy of life
You share your faith in Jesus
You give me the hope of
“Two is better than one”
A close confidant

If not for Jesus, I would not trust you!
If not for my Lord, I would not forgive you!
If not for my Saviour, I would forsake you!
I have enough!

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 21 May 2015 at 12:15pm

This is the sequel to Why Do You? poetry. You have read the previous journey of my poetry. My heart and trust are fully broken. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Why Do You?

Why do you come into my life?
Why do you come to mess my life?

Why are you jealous of me?
Your grades are better then mine.
You have smarter brain than I am.

Why are you so suspicious of me?
Where do I give you misunderstanding?
I just want to bless you surprisingly.

Why do you use my weakness to put me down?
I thought you are my confidant.
There is so much thing I want to share with you.

Now
My lips are tight
I can not trust you

Why I can not trust you?
Because you lie to me!
Because you add wounds to my salt!
Make my life like a hell!

Why do you believe the devil’s lies?
Do you love to misjudge others?
Do you still live in your mother’s cloud of influence and decision?

Why do you take advantage of my naiveness?
Why do you take advantage of my confusion?
Why do you love to put your words into others’ mouth?
I can not believe your words anymore.

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 21 May 2015 at 12pm

A lot of strange events occur in my life. When I mean well, my mother in law and husband misunderstood me. When I begin to trust him again and confide in him, he betray my trust. Maybe I look highly of him. Every year, my mother in law gave warnings of divorce threats to me. Then my husband always let me to make the decisions. When the result of my decision turns out well, no appreciation. Yet when the result of my decision is wrong, he always pick on me and put me down. I have felt worse. Yet he makes me feel much worse. Despite my parents warning, I feel foolish to pity my mother in law. But she falsely accused my mother and I out of her jealousy. Recently, my husband loves to start to the quarrel and blame me. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Do I or Do I Not?

Do I matter?
Or do I not matter?

Only to be a door mat
Or to be a floor mat

Is my dream unacceptable?
Only to be overwritten
Opinions are given to me to be listened

Is my voice unheard?
Due to my softness

My mind wanders
Aimlessly in the clouds

My legs wanders
Aimlessly between house and outside

Do I matter?
Or do I not matter?

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Inspiration On: Sunday, 1 March 2015 at 4:20am to 4:34am

Driven by the strong feelings of depression, I begin to question my existence. Questioning the reason of me being alive instead of my eldest sister who is more intelligent then I do. Her intelligence and strong absorption in learning are praised by my parents. And I know I am slow. Hence, I do my best in my studies. Escaping deaths thrice plus twice. I feel so tired of living and being taken advantage. Do I able to succeed to contribute to my family financially? Thank you for your time to read this poetry. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Disharmony from Inside

Sight of someone ticks you off
Continue to dwell in it
Likewise jealousy
Continue to dwell in it
Bullying occurs
In family
In school
In workplace
In society
Among races
Among countries

Abuse others
Bullying others
To make oneself feels good
Abuser feels superior

Don’t abusers think that
They impose pain to the abused
Instil the abusee hatred
Abusee may or may not commit suicide
Before or after strife with
The abuser

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Inspiration Ends On: Monday, 23 September 2013 from 10:44am to 10:55am

Broken but Regained Hope

I
Vast sparkly waves of ocean
As the sun shines onto the ocean
Vastness of ocean increases more

II
Final beautiful sight in mind
Gradually sink into the bottom ocean seabed
Eyelids close, sealing own fate

III
Blur sight of a swimmer
Before losing consciousness in the ocean depth
Everyone flashes back in memories

IV
Awaking to the soothing music
Among two smiling patients on hospital beds
Hopes re-live in his heart

V
A man dressed in white
Listens to poured out woes and pats
When other patients go outdoor

VI
Encourages her to be strong
Sowing a strength to own beloved friend
In times of tumultuous life

VII
Seeds of love and care
Gradually buds forth in her broken heart
Living filled with hope again

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 23 July 2013 at 6pm
Inspiration Ends On: Tuesday, 30 July 2013 from 9:16am to 10:17am

This image had been appearing in my friend’s mind to part III so I expressed it in haiku and continues it.

Depression vs Jealousy

Depressed
Demon
Whispers
Suicide thoughts
As solution
Leading to
Eternal death

Jealousy
Demon
Shouts
LASH
As solution
Leading to
Destruction

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Inspiration On: Friday, 19 July 2013 from 1:30am to 8:04pm

While conversing on the phone about my friend’s plight who didn’t talk about her husband’s mother’s doings to her husband, this poetry birthed out about my friend and her mother in law. Though she can’t believe her mother in law has possessive mental problem.

The Secret

The wisp in the wallow
The way of fishes swim
The way of a fisherman
The secret of mankind
The pain residing in the heart
The secret of heart
The secret of pain

Do you know me?
Do you care about me?
Do you know me?
You don’t even know me
You don’t even care about me
The real me
Hiding behind the mask
Behind the smiling mask

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 28 May 2013 at 5:35pm
Inspiration Ends On: Wednesday, 29 May 2013 at 4:50pm

A long hair lady sits at the opened window. Eyes glistened with tears. This picture came to my mind as I attempted to understand those who committed suicide. Words echoed in me, “The wisp in the wallow
Do you know me?
Do you know me?
You don’t even know me
The real me”. As I took this further, more words flowed out and echoed to me many times.

Road User

Cycling on the road
Accident may occurs anytime

Cycling on pedestrian footpath
Furious pedestrians reluctantly to give way

Why is the cyclist face with the dilemma to cycle on the road or on pedestrian foothpath?
Why is it unfair for the cyclists?
Cyclists are also taxpayers
Though not as prosperous as car drivers.

Why the government build road?
Why the government build pedestrian footpath?
Why the governments refuse to build more cyclist path?

In the past, the road was full of cyclists.
But now, the road belongs to the car and motorbike drivers.

Does the country want to have
Treasure of contentment?
Treasure of happiness?
Treasure of satisfaction?
Or
Treasure of dollars?
Treasure of world war three?
Treasure of stresses?
Treasure of depression?
Treasure of anger?
Treasure of suicides?
Treasure of reckless drivers?

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 22 February 2012 at 6:40pm
Revised On: Thursday, 23 February 2012 at 1:23am

As I was pondering about the current society and compare it with the agricultural era, a lot of things are replaced tremendously. People depends more on machines and put less emphasize on manual labour. Farmers and livestock rearing are considered living in a backward society. I don’t think so. Without them, how will we have food to eat? Why do we look down on them? They are living an honest living. Though physically they are healthier than us, they seem to care for one another. In an urban society, we use a lot of mental energy to design and develop machines to aid us and leave the work of developing the machines to the one who has more physical strength. In the end, we are lack of physical fitness. But another type of machines is developed to make us exercise. Isn’t it a funny situation? We start to cut down eating carbohydrates, oil, sugar, salt, and many other things. Some doesn’t dare to eat too much until some becomes anorexic. Don’t our bodies need exercise?