Self-Test Workshop

The employability workshop helps to give self-test and to understand myself better. The self test is not totally correct. I belong to the creative side. No wonder I can’t stand living in the logical side. I feel suppressed. Now, I begin to understand my business mentor better that she is more dominant and influencing. Besides that, she is someone who easily jumps into conclusions.

On my way home, I observe the beauty of dove flying across the sky outside the train.

My chronic migraine worsens again especially today during the workshops. When I follow through with my business mentor on iPhone 6S, she immediately replies. However, she doesn’t reply when I ask about her rhema. Is she unhappy, Lord? I know it’s my fault for sharing my diary and dream journal to her. In fact, I shouldn’t. Forgive me, Lord. Now, I begin to see Christ and the evil one work through her. Nobody is perfect. The words that came out of her mouth before, “so you want to change the world” came from the evil one. When I’m being emotional, I also give the devil a foothold especially to share about my journal and dream to her. The dream of her accompanying me through the dark path comfort me. Her kind looks to guide me through.

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Personality Test

Mum and I reach home to buy the travel bag. My dad and mum tell me the resolution to bring my own son wherever I go. Then mum shares her story to bring my brother and I to Singapore herself. This is upsetting. I prefer to bring the child out together. Why do I repeat my parents’ pattern?

Strange happening to see own husband returns home and wants to discuss again. Every time he is the one who wants to discuss. I just want to let the matter be bygone and take care the relationship by keeping God’s Words in my heart. All he does is to accuse me. He accused me that I disagree our son to be baptized in his Catholic Church and exaggerate more inserting the words bot to let our son endcup like him. So since I want to bring my son to the nearby BP church, don’t ever tell him to fetch our son. He refuses to let me explain myself. I do ever disagree for our son to be baptized in his so called Catholic Church. I don’t say, “I don’t want our son to end up like him.” I don’t want my son to be baptized without knowing anything. I want him to know and have personal relationship with Jesus Christ. All I can do is to rebuff him on the words that he ever said to his catholic priest. Every churches are the same because pray to Jesus. However, those words are taught by his mother. Why I can be so sure? He ever shared his mum complained his eldest brother is a rebel to enter into Protestant. That shows she is the mastermind. Why do I have to remember all this? Taking me for granted for being soft-hearted and saying yes to get married at his Catholic Church. Lord, this is frustrating. Taking my heart for granted to nod my head out of compassion. Only to realize that catholic doctrine prays to mother Mary. But my husband said it differently during courtship that many people misunderstand Catholic Church. He spoke so convincingly that Catholic Church prays to Jesus. My business mentor’s words echoes to help me to get my values and stand back in terms of speaking up. A gentleman won’t speak foul words. Is God helping me to get back on my feet in Him? Is my Lord enables me to return my lost voice? Now, I begin to learn to express myself. However, I speak it wrongly and my business mentor points out that is the wrong attitude in talking about the logo. Oh no! Lord, I need someone to learn from. I thought I can be heard. Why do I express it wrongly? How do I embrace my autism and slowness? My business mentor ( business partner and spiritual mother) words continuously repeat in my head, “Look to God”. I also need the Lord to guide me to the right people. I have been attempting to be the right person in Him. Only to realize I give in too much in the relationship until my spirit is dampened and almost dried up. Never ever give in to pressure that is against my values especially God’s values.

During the courtship, I gave in to my stupidity and brush away the small still voice giving uneasiness. That was actually the Holy Spirit nudged me. This is so much of a burden. I submitted to my parents to get married first in order to bring them happiness. This is the biggest mistake in life. Suddenly, the next day, my husband proposed. I feel so stupid and betrayed to trust his goody appearance and eloquent words. He never bothers to find out the matter. He is so full of his opinions and baseless accusations. This is emotional depression. I have been having mental blockage. No wonder I feel so suppressed at home. My work is greatly affected without knowing the reason. Now I understand the reason I can’t reach my full potential. I want to reach my full potential for God’s kingdom and His righteousness, protect my family and parents, and guide my son in the ways of the Lord. O Lord, please hear my cry.

I share to my business mentor who is a sister in Christ. I feel something strange in my personality test. Suddenly, I found out on the personality test I accidentally have done last year. Before I’m ISFJ. When we did the personality test, yours is ESFJ whereas mine becomes INFJ. Just did my personality test from caliberlink website, INFJ again. Oh no! What’s gotten into me? Nothing wrong. We all change over time. I hope to change for the better.

It is sad to hear from Huey that his classmate drops own pencil and shift the blame to him. Though he is angry, he keeps quiet. I feel concerned on his psychological development. I share this to my mentor again. Her reply is so clear. Reality of a fallen world. Nothing to be sad. Rather he should remain resolute that his conscience is clear and not be angry as he did not do it. Minor matter. Just beware of any possibly real bullying case like the recent video case of one student bearing the head of a classmate who kept still and quiet.

Stop Testing My Patience

Stop! Stop!
Please stop
Please stop
Your nuisance
Please stop
Testing my patience

Please stop
Hitting
Please stop
Kicking
Please stop
Bullying
Please stop
Your nonsense

Please stop
Bullying in school
Bullying in enterprise
Please
Respect
Care
Practice compassion
In this world

What will you do?
If you are in my position?
What will you do?


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 26 June 2013 at 10:03am
Inspiration Ends On: Sunday, 14 July 2013 at 2:51pm

I can’t stand a person who tried to find fault. Every time I’m the one who tried to avoid quarrel, they are trying to quarrel with my family. So I have been feeling and wishing them to stop testing my patience.

Kick Empty Bucket

PAM!
Kicking the empty bucket
PAM!
BAM! BAM!
It falls over
As it
ROLL! ROLL!
And
ROLL! ROLL!

SCOLDING!
Afraid of grandma’s scolding
Grandma’s first scolding
WAIL!
Wail FeArFuLlY.

On his cot, he confesses
Confesses of his wrongdoings
Wrongdoings to me.
Slowly & gently, I explain
It is wrong
Wrong to kick the bucket
The empty bucket.
Don’t repeat it.
Nod, nod.
Nodding in agreement.
Learning his lesson.


Inspiration On: Thursday, 4 April 2013 at 11:45pm
Inspiration On: Saturday, 6 April 2013 at 9:57pm

Upon rushing home from the lecture performance, my son played with the recycled bucket in his grandma’s room during my shower. His grandma never scolds him and tends to spoil him with lots of things. The recycled empty bucket is to contain the air-conditioner leakage. Of course, my son was testing his grandma’s patience. Scolding occurs then afraid. Next day onwards, he stops doing it.