Opposite Perspectives

Assigned to assist in another department
Entering into the same high security space
Three levels of tight security

Imbues in me
A sense of security and privacy
Towards the consumers

Another colleague
Speak out her view based on media
Many levels of hell

Conclude people often perceive others
Through their own lenses and experiences
Rather than finding out the truth and matter


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Thank God for the opportunity to help at my current employers’ warehouse to do stock count for two hours to represent my friend who hasn’t reached office. Grateful joy of working together with a new colleague and other two colleagues. It’s good for mobile phone is not allowed to use inside for the card users’ privacy. A male colleague nicely warn not to touch things not to our area. Or else if things are lost and captured by camera, it will give people the wrong impression. A lady colleague leads us into the safety room. As we walk into the room, we need to sign in. It is a large square space filled with boxes of cards and machines. I see people walking around and speaking to one another. There are three level of security doors. The other colleague feels that the level of security is likened to levels of hell. However, I don’t see it that way. I feel that it gives the secure feeling. In the third level warehouse, I count the cards with machine is to perform my job. However, a lady colleague says I want to play the card count machine. What type of message do I give to people? Or is it she sees people that way? Wish you all have good days and thank you.

´╗┐Help in Balance

The one
Who seek my help
Fiercer than me
Quietly
Lend a helping hand
Care to help

Begin to a new realisation
Such a vicious cycle
An unbreakable pattern

A help cry to pay a bill
Due to overseas and reaching due date
Lending readily out of care
Promise to return it once return
I remind to pay continuous
The recipient demands its way to return

The fire inside me
Demands
Self-respect

The water inside me
Prevents
Fire from spreading like wildfire

The green nature inside me
Keeps
Water and fire in balance

The sunshine inside me
Enable
Cheerfulness despite heartache

Inspiration On: Sunday, 18 June 2016

I begin to realise about myself. I am questioning myself. Why do people tend to look down on me? Why those who ask for help speak disrespectfully to me? Yet I still care about them. After much thought, I am a people pleaser. Not just that, I also learn that Jesus is the One whom I want to please. The book about asserting myself helps me how to create a healthy boundary. I can still help others with the set aside time. Now I need to earn a living to care for my family and myself. Inside I still want to serve God. Do I overdo it, Lord? Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Stuck

Opposing perspectives
Press against me
Blank my mind
Silence falls
Treating my silence as yes

Many perspectives
Encircle around me
Hang my system
Deep thinking create silence
Being misunderstood as yes

Pressed from five sides
Live for Christ, Household, workplace, church, friendship
Being stuck in the middle
Answer yes or no put me in the wrong
Everything seems to my disadvantages

Seeking the Lord for discernment
Learning to understand
Consult the Lord
Awaiting His intervention


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 14 June 2016

In the family, my parents often argue with each other. I often listen to my parents. Only receive slaps thrice at my butt. His bad temper scares me. Now I begin to understand myself and others. When both parties disagree based on their opinions, I feel stuck in the middle. Upon receiving Christ, I also feel stuck. I thank the Lordfor the people and the books He leads me to and even the things I do unknowingly. Now I learn to discern and the good and bad points from opposing perspectives and to learn to balance it. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Kids Work Backward

Truth hurts
Continue to learn to give thanks
Deep within
Awake to awful reality
About myself

“Kids work backward”
That echoes repetitively deep inside
Is it a blessing or curse?
Hurting my self-confidence and self-esteem
Needing the Lord to intervene


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 1 June 2016

I thank the Lord and thankful for the following.

The courage to share to the animation teacher that I feel stuck to consider the focal point and draw according to it. In fact, I feel that I can draw better and clearer without focal point. He explains directly that a child learns through backward. It is important to have art background. I can only thank him. In the bus home, his words always speak in my mind. Lord, do I tire myself easily? So far, it has taken me so far. I pray for internship. In Jesus’ name I pray. I thank You for the unexpected answered prayer for scholarship. I need the right environment, Lord. Let the fish jumps into the new blue ocean. I don’t want to lose the natural abilities You have blessed me with.

The courage to ask my CG’s email addresses to email my current job’s letter of employment. Because I can’t stand the confusion anymore. Suddenly, J asks why need their email address. PL explains yesterday we talk about it. Why Lord? Only PL fully understands.

Realisation of my brain switching around. Mum sees that my eyes looks just cried. She is concerned and wants me to share. I choose to keep quiet. Inside I feel so awful and going to see the real me. A child? Awhile comes the memory of something funny so I laugh in front of mum. Having left and right brain working together is a nightmare.

Scripture “Luke 6:46 Why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord’, and do not do what I say? 1 Sam 15:22 what is more pleasing to the Lord: your burnt offerings and sacrifices, or your obedience to His voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.” from a sister in Christ then she sums it into a point to “Who is in charge of your life? If God is your co-pilot, switch seats.”

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Harsh

Too harsh cuts
Harsh transitions in shots
Simplify the line
Describe my current life situations
Harsh times!
My facial expression looks calm
Thus cause current animation teacher
Assumes and misunderstands me

Harsh seasons
Demands and leads me
Produce harsh storyboard transitions
Even leads to harsh artworks
In different mediums
Seeking outlet to
Pour out


Inspiration On: Friday, 20 May 2016

During the night animation class, the teacher explains that my storyboard transition is too harsh. Once he draws out, I begin to understand the meaning of his words. This shows that studying in a class can only help me to a certain degree. In fact, one to one has a better effect. The teacher keeps on emphasizing that some ugly drawing tells a better story. I realise he has certain biases. There are beautiful drawings tell beautiful stories. He hasn’t seen all my story. When I assess my current situation, it is a harsh time for me. No wonder my story panels show harsh transitions. Upon listening to his explanation, I begin to take note of the focal point. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Emerging and Development

Unreadable
Unpredictable
Full of “why” questions
Questioning own motives

Aligning myself according to
The Word of God
Questioning own abilities

Learning to identify
Natural abilities and learned skills
That emerge and develop through time

How do people around me view my strengths?
What do they see in me?
Do they see Jesus’ strength in my weaknesses?


Inspiration On: Friday, 20 May 2016

The two days leadership workshop enable me to learn about myself and how my Lord Jesus works through me despite my weaknesses. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Unawareness into Trouble

A friendly Long haired lady
We are paired into a team group
Team B
For the company team building event
Having fun together
Treat everyone a drink according to own taste
Share her goal in finance industry
Now she is able to reach
An extremely capable lady in counting

Confess everything to close friend
She laughingly respond
Not to get her into trouble
That lady’s photo is inside the website
Yet I don’t know
Inside I feel awful
Intending to get another job
Preparing to open my mouth and ask for jobs
Ready to jump onto another job


Inspiration On: Friday, 20 May 2016

A colleague LK suddenly asks for my resume. That alarms me! Because I decide to leave the company. “I don’t want you to suddenly leave the company,” is his response. Inside I feel so condemned. Because in the company I feel that I am living in the prison. Everyday customers complain. However, I thank God for the calmness to reply to my colleague that I need to print it at home.

The company’s team building time. I feel happy for my friend receives an envelope. The two speakers passes the envelope to our supervisor. He passes it to me to give it to my friend. We are separated into four teams. I am assigned to team B. A friendly long haired lady is my team leader. LK is one of my team mates. I enjoy the play time together – draw from given words together and guessing words.

The 15 minutes break. So the friendly long haired lady with oval shaped face suggests to have a drink. I wish to quickly go up into the room. However, I feel restrained to comply to her welcoming gesture. She lets me choose on the drink I want. No tea at the menu! I see cans of A&W root beer inside a chilled glass drawer. So I speak out to have A&W root beer. I draw out $2 note from my purse. Reluctantly part with it due to attending company’s event. Unexpectedly, she treats every team member and me. We find a table and have conversation with two of my team mates. She asks where both of them work. They work at big companies. I feel so small. Last is my turn. I share about my freelance experiences in IT and arts. So I sum it into ARTIST. Since I don’t have accounting background, I contribute by coding to automate the same letter. As we walk towards the lift, she says there is no black and white way. I respond there is black and white. Earning income through work is right. Stealing and robbing is wrong way to earn money. That’s what I mean. The lift elevates us into fifth floor. So we enter into possibility room. Another game begins. I am so happy to see my friend. A folded blue green craft paper is given to me. Every team members are given the opportunity to represent their own team to push the folded paper onto the table. It is to hit other folded papers away. Every team has different colours. It is my turn. The lady explains to me that the game concept is like billiard. I need to hit other folded paper. Excitedly I use my left hand to push it. It zooms out of the table. “Out of bound!” Oh no! Suicidal folded paper. So embarrassing.

The last game is to arrange numbers and multipliers sign to produce largest result. I observe the lady is good in her arrangement. Division signs are applied to middle values. Minus signs are applied to smallest value. Multiply signs are applied to large numbers. Thus 389 is the final result. It’s food time. That 389 ends us in second prize. The lady goes in front to pass winning prize. Such a strange lady. It is our team’s turn to receive an envelope of winning prize. LK passes it to me. I open it. It is a capital mall vouchers. He let me decide on what to do with the voucher. My idea is to distribute it evenly. So that we can buy what we want. However, LK emphasizes to use it to eat good food together. Fed up! Calmly I ask everyone’s name and write it onto the envelope. He assigns me to be the organiser. He suggests Swensen. The lady comes smiling. She agrees to LK’s suggestion to eat together. She walks towards the front again. I ask him her name repeatedly. He keeps on repeating, “Alice in wonderland.” In the end, he says her full name. She returns to our seat row. I ask her whether I can bring my friend. Sure is her answer. Next I enquires her availability. Her response is call her secretary about her schedule. Then she returns to the front. Strange lady. At my left, LK explains she is CFO. Wan Xun also confirms it. Hmm . . .

My friend encourages me to take the left over. She knows I love beef satay so she reserves the last three sticks for me. Plus reserve the paper box dish that I like. Since my son loves fish ball, she pours all of it into the paper box. That’s more than enough. Everything has ended. However, LK adds more food box, satay chilli and many other until he inserts ice lemon tea pack drink. I have enough. Grateful for her to speak on my behalf. Then she walks with me and carry the plastic bag for me to the bus stop to find bus. On the way, I share to her about all the things I speak to the lady. She replies not to get her into trouble. I don’t know what is happening. She replies that our supervisor and every managers answer to her. “Don’t you understand her position from the way she talks?” That question baffles me. I answer based from my feelings, “she sounds friendly.” “Don’t you check the company’s website? In the website, her photo is introduced as the company’s website,” she probes. I answer as it is, “I check the website only on the job I am supposed to do.” Do I frustrate her? Oh no! Maybe I should quickly grab a job and submit resignation letter. Or else, I’ll get CMF into trouble. Then I board bus 65 and reach the animation school.

The peace at animation class enable me to do my homework reaching more than 30 panels. My teacher wants to see my homework but I’m not ready. I feel so much in tune with my imagination and draw it out. It feels so exhilarating and satisfied.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Use Left or Right Hand?

Most sketchings gives soft sense
Producing different feelings
Current animation teacher can tell my
Frustration
Tired
Confusion
Loving the picture

Comparing first and second day of
Gestural figure drawings
First day of gestural sketchings
Better than the second day
Best results are the sketches with left hand
Teacher doesn’t know my problems
Using both left and right hands

Experiment drawing with my left hand
Results are faster and give stronger feeling
Than sketchings with my right hand
Warming up sketchings with left hand
Switch back to right hand
Boost the strength of my gestural drawings
A new discovery of myself and at a loss

Using left hand
Or
Using right hand
Or
Use both hands
This really slows me down
Need the Lord to discover His creation


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 18 May 2016

The animation teacher emphasises my first gesture drawing is much better than the second day. That reminds me of my left hand. As I draw with my left hand drawings, all show more energy compared to my right hand. When I return to my right hand, my right hand drawings have more energy. What happen to my body system? A new discovery about myself. How can I be ambidextrous? Impossible. This really slows me down.

At home, my younger brother gives a news to me that my husband teaches our son in his studies. It is a big surprise to me. Then he reveals dad and mum go to my son’s school so the principal gives my husband a call.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Concurrent Events

Cell leader’s mother in law
Had a fall
Being hospitalised
Visit and pray for her as a cell

Own mother has gum swell
Feverish symptoms
Excuse myself to return home
Seeking prayer request via chat group

In the end
Neglecting own homework
Due tomorrow
Seeking my Lord’s help

Sensing exhaustion in own body
Needing the Lord’s strength
More than anyone
Due to weak physical body


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 17 May 2016

Suddenly, my cell leader’s Mother in law had a fall and hospitalised. Then today my mum’s gum swell. She feels she going to have fever. If I can split myself then I will not be in a rush. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Third Testimonial Letter

Courage sips in
Approach the supervisor
Ask for a testimonial letter
Being misunderstood to
Find a job in the hospital
That is not the case
My friend comes
On the things to write of me
No other way except to show hospital letter
She shows to our supervisor
Without divulging autism test
Only mentioning hospital letter

Before leaving the office
Our supervisor writes a testimonial letter
An unexpected good testimony
Being hardworking
Always think of great ideas
Simplify work processes
Receive compliment of being
A dedicated and hardworking worker
Complete assigned tasks on time
Grateful for my Lord’s favour
For the natural ability the Lord blesses me
Is that the ex-client sees in me?


Inspiration On: Monday, 16 May 2016

The workforce coach’s words repetitively echoes in my head. She encourages me to do my work well so that I can be transferred to another department. That really encourages me a lot.

There is a sudden feeling and courage to ask testimonial letter from my supervisor. He thinks I’m going to apply a job in a hospital. So he wants my friend to write. She returns to me. No choice. I have to show her my hospital letter to bring testimonial letter as proof. Therefore, she shows to him. Grateful for her not to speak out. I thank the Lord for the hospital doesn’t write autism self-assessment. The hospital letter only shows psychologist test.

By God’s favour through my supervisor who understands. So he writes the testimonial letter and keeps quiet. Grateful for a good testimony being hard working and always thinking great ideas to simplify work process. I feel so grateful. Strange for my classmates words echo in my head, “do you ever apply for scholarship?” Lord, I wish to have scholarship to complete the animation studies that You give hope in me. It is the burden in media for the children’s well being.

After reading the book ‘Discerning & Defeating The Ahab Spirit’, I can relate to the part where the wife let go of her dream by staying in an abusive relationship. It is around two days ago reading it. Suddenly, words come to express my feelings.

Does anybody cares about my dream? Do my parents and husband only pay lip service? When I want to learn it, mum disagreed. He persuaded mum. So she agreed. End of last year, he shared that there is government funding to learn animation. Now, during attending the storyboard animation course, my parents and he disagree. I’m tired of their persuasion to let go for my well-being. I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of their opinions. They only care about their assumptions and their ways instead of understanding my needs. I do my best to do for their needs, yet they cause confusion in my life. Instead of encouraging and understand me, they just care their own ways. I feel pissed off with my brother who shouts at mum not to take my son’s schoolwork. He and dad wants my husband takes responsibility. I can understand mum’s heart. Even I will do the same as her. Wish you all have good days and thank you.