Pain Awakes

Awake from pain
Awake through pain
Awake in pain

To see a person’s true colours
To separate the truth from lies
To realize own mistakes

Admit own mistakes
Only to be treated as scapegoat
Others throw their mistakes onto me

Letting others control over my life
Let them go by walking away
Enable me to be in control of own emotions

Speaking up to assert myself
Speaking up to create own boundary
Speaking up to stand up for others

Living in continuum pain
Seeking God’s healing
Live to please my Lord

Inspiration On: Monday, 28 April 2014 at 4:50am
Revised On: Monday, 30 January 2017 at 9:30pm

Everyday’s pain in dealing with people births out this poetry. I learn to realise of my own weaknesses and to stand up for my family and myself. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Always Screwed

Feel encouraged and appreciated
Receiving compliments and directness
Where to improve

Confessing to my Lord
All the hurts and pain
Betrayal feelings

Confessing to mature Christians
Seeking counsel to
Settle the dispute with those

Tend to sow discord
Making wrong to right
Right to wrong

Tired of such mental anguish from hell
Sense God’s goodness through others wish
The best for me through their acts of kindness

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Inspiration On: Sunday, 31 January 2016

Looking at the time, I rush my son to eat. I got pissed off and scold him no need to go out with me. It is just a remark to rush him off. My brother shows his displeasure to leave him at home. I react and tell him off not to meddle my discipline. After I cut the meat in his bowl, he rushes into my room. So I run after him. Then he cries and asking me, “why do you always scold me?” That hurts me. I respond, “whenever I say gently, you don’t listen.” I already know that my mum always overwrite my discipline and even scold me in front of my son.

I don’t know how to say. I feel so appreciative of BL’s compliments and suggestions of my curriculum vitae. Her directness to tell me that I focus on the unimportant stuffs and to spread myself too thin. That’s what Perine Seah has been telling me. I enjoy the interaction with Tanvi whom she introduces as her researcher and even voiceover.

Another while I feel so hurt to know my mother in law and husband attempt to sow discord between my parents and I. It is due to their lack of insecurity and jealousy. I intercede for him not to be taken away. I just let God to do the judgement. I feel so tired of the struggle to intercede.

So I confess to Uncle WY, “Uncle WY, how do you handle someone who sows discord? I often comfort myself with their good points. I feel like a fool. Later on, I found out about it. I need more mature Christians who can guide me in this. Thanks.”

“May i call you tomorrow Mon 1st Feb at 12pm to pray with you how to handle those who sow discord? unc WY,” he responds.

Gratefully I respond, “Sure. Thanks a lot.”

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Truths and Hurts

Awakened to see
Everybody’s
True colours

Awakened to see and understand
Different perspectives, shoes and feelings
Sword of betrayal feelings hurts me deeply

Angst of ordeal pain
Due to being care too much
Letting everyone to cross over my boundaries

Always pointing my mistakes
Without knowing my worst feelings
Only care with their own opinions and feelings

Let God be the Judge
Learn to assert my boundaries with wisdom
Seeking God’s protection upon my boundaries

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Inspiration On: Saturday, 30 January 2016

In the church service, they preach on the theme “Beyond Conflict” on how to resolve conflict in a biblical way and the examples of good points and the mistakes made between people. My heart is so hurting. At the altar call, I seek prayer to alleviate my mental stress, better manage myself and to find a job so that I can protect those whom I love. The intercessor comforts me of God’s presence in my hard times. I feel better then I fetch my son from the GKids. I feel so happy that he listens to instructions well during the community blessings. I thank the Lord for his heart.

I am shocked to realize the points I am disappointed with my husband. Dishonesty, lack of gratitude and commitment, manipulative, using my parents and ready to kick them away once our son reaches 3 years old, taking it for granted, think of himself and his own presumptions made me lose hope in my husband. Recently, he insists to let the helper to have her own way to return to her hometown instead of negotiating with her and choose to believe her excuse to return to her hometown. In the end, I have to bear the consequences of his decision. He still dares to say I don’t think for him. I have enough of his excuses. He thinks that handle maid is easy. Throughout the interaction with him, I have enough to deal with such personality who can make right to wrong and wrong to right. When my dad rebuked him gently, he regards it as bully him instead of accepting as a man’s responsibility. I heard it from our son talking to my mother in law on the phone. I have enough of this. Inside my heart, I feel so stupid to believe him. I have felt worst in my heart to let God down, let my parents down, my mistakes and failures, to cover his mistakes and to bear the consequences of his decisions. I feel so foolish to only see his good points to comfort myself. I also feel so foolish to care my mother in law’s feelings who later on backstab me from behind and using my husband. My husband fully listens to her every orders. Now, he is playing politics and attempting to take our son’s heart. Lord, I have enough of this. Now, I totally surrender my mother in law and my husband to you. I’m tired of the politics. No wonder it cause me mental stress and being torn in between. Lord, I just want to have peace of mind. Thank You, Lord, for Your divine meeting with Your committed followers. I feel so thankful for their support.

John Maxwell Leadership course definitely helps me a lot. I thank God for him and appreciate his business.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Honesty in Comedy

Poking fun
Flirty eyes and smile
Comedically peeping into my coat lapel

Meaning to beware
Though outwardly cover my chest
Giving a message

Bending posture can give
The wrong signal
Thus exposing myself

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 29 December 2015

The business partner God blesses me with has altered the black altered dress Misa gives. She brings it to SS’s hair salon. She ties a mini hook onto the clothes to cover up my chest. I appreciate her effort. I wear it and return to SS’s hair salon. It seems looser than previously. So I ask her whether she edits all the button. She answers no and that shows I slightly lose my weight. Then Misa pokes fun on me that people can still see my chest. Business partner tells her not to scare me. I appreciate Misa’s honesty to explain that people can still see my chest if I bend down. SS, Business partner and Misa feel that I look good in it and appreciate their honesties. They are really God’s blessings.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Be True to Thyself

 

Be True To Thyself

This is a quote from Deanne’s World. 

Taffany

Life has not been easy for Taffany. Her “yes” has landed her into a lowly state she hates. Saying yes to her parents to encourage her to marry first when she wishes to find a job. Saying yes to her boyfriend’s marriage proposal. Wedding banquet reveals the array of her beauty to her family, friends and relatives. A year later, her baby is born into this world. Both couples are filled with joy upon seeing the newborn on Tiffany’s hugs.

Grinning with joy, Mill promises to her to enjoy her life with her baby. Her husband promises to be her fertilizer. Those promises seem too good to be true, but she believes it. Instead of helping her to reach to her potential, Mill and her husband desire to control her through abusive words, cutting her low financial allowance and even gang up with his siblings to abuse her. Using their loved toddler as an excuse to divorce her for their own agenda. Mill’s unscrupulous possessiveness led her son’s blindness and downfall. But The ord is not blind. Their secret agenda is exposed to the light. And to their disappointment, Taffany’s parents protect her without her realizing it when she runs away from home. When the gregarious situation is solved, Taffany’s parents rebuke her for pitying Mill and not listening to their warnings to avoid Mill’s evil schemes. Taffany feels stupid.

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Written On: 14 November 2014 at 10am

Proofread On: 21 December 2014 at 3:20am

This fiction is written based on a true story of a friend with names are changed to protect their identities. Therefore, I use present tense to depict the reality of life and the pain many women go through. Enjoy!