Own Productivity

Tick and delete
Completed task
Two more tasks pop up

Happen again and again
Continuum process of my life
Endless vicious cycle

Overwhelmed
Discouraged
Burnt out

self-awareness arouse
Self-doubt arise
Self-esteem lower

Lower self-confidence
Frustration knocks
“Give up” echoes

Question myself
Am I the problem?
Why is my productivity level low?

Inspiration On: Tuesday, 19 September 2017

I have reading books about productivity and taking notes. Buy the books and borrow it too. However, I feel so stuck. Instead of of focusing on my creative work, piles of work enters. It is regarding to the job I need to focus and other people’s help. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Confusion

Listen to many perspectives
Enter into many perspectives
Experience many perspectives

Stuck in many perspectives
Pulled in many directions
Always changing directions
Stretch myself into many directions
Spread myself too thin

Here I stand
At the central of
Many opened circular doors
Overwhelmed with mountainous information

Overwhelmed with many new high mountains
Confusion sets in

Which path?
Which direction?
Which way?

Calling out
Reaching out
To my Lord and Saviour

Save me
Help me
Clear my mind

Fix my perspective
Position my career direction
To the only direction

With the right environment
With the right people
Where respect, unity and teamwork dwells

Let me in tune with
My inner-self
My Self-awareness

Inspiration On: Saturday, 26 August 2017
Edited On: Tuesday, 29 August 2017

As I am deciding the path of my career, I feel so confused with many people’s opinions about the career I am choosing. Thus, hearing their perspectives, feelings and opinions affect me a lot. Thus birthing this poetry as I call to my Lord’s help before making any decision. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Self-Awareness

Others’ ideas
Others’ viewpoints
Others’ opinions
Others’ perspectives
Others’ perceptions
Others’ thinkings
Others’ expectations

Own idea
Own viewpoint
Own opinion
Own perspectives
Own perceptions
Own thinkings
Own expectations

Simply being aware
Differentiate
Whose thinking
Enable self
To be more
Deliberate
To make
Decision

Inspiration On: Monday, 31 July 2017
Edited On: Saturday, 12 August 2017

Living according to parents’ expectations can be good or bad. Some parents desire their will upon their child to stay at home. However, not every child can stand at home. Undermining the child’s authority brings disaster upon the child’s child mindset towards the mother. Being stuck in between is an excruciating pain. I agree some values but not all. Because some parents want to choose career for their children. I can’t accept such notions. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Women with Undiagnosed High Functioning Autism

During my attendance to night art classes, I get to befriend two classmates. I share to them my experiences in life. The need to be a chameleon in social situations. Suddenly, today’s High functioning autism why many women are undiagnosed article triggers such memories. I’m surprised the reason I use “chameleon” as a metaphor. Because I have been trying to fit in but to no avail. 

Serena Dejesus says she is strong with autism not because of autism

Can the autistic declare that their limitations can also be their strengths? Let us read and watch Serena Dejesus testimony about her life. 

A great news to the Christians. Draw near to God and God will draw near to us. I have been feeling His presence these days, weeks and even months. 

Mess

A cell leader mentioned the meaning of mess is taking drugs, involved in gang fight and other social issues. 

Thus I want to clarify that my mess means literally mess. 

One of my room table is messy

Organise things until I can’t find own thing

Why Do Girls Show Signs of Autism Later Than Boys?Written by Dan Gray

Things are confusing especially in social situations. The article Why Do Girls Show Signs of Autism Later Than Boys? helps to have a better self-understanding. The reason the characteristics and diagnosis show up later age in girls. 

Is it due to women are created differently than men? Based on my interactions with other women, a strong women still wish to be protected by their husbands. Confessions of my personal experiences are 😳

1. In the poetry social group, I begin to pick up poetry. 
2. A classmate whom I like enjoys coding, I learn to pick up the skills. 
3. Getting married due to pressure from my parents.
4. Care the weak for my Lord Jesus becomes my motivating factor.  
5. Learn art better from teachers and friends.
6. Sensing certain feelings after interacting with certain people. (I happen to meet a longtime friend. Suddenly, after confiding she angrily purging out foul words. After we part our ways to home, foul words talking in my head. So I quickly reject it in the name of Jesus. Listen to worship songs help me.)
7. Worshipping God through their acts of kindness attract me to the persons. 😳 

Upon knowing my weaknesses, I choose to be careful in whom I spend my time. Because I don’t want to lose myself. I want the Holy Spirit to be with me. 

Pie Pit

Throw me into the pit
Where I can create my pie

Give me the pit of well
How to produce the pie of focus

Pit is where I put in time to focus
Pie is where I put in effort without distraction

Pit of well is a space without distraction
Pie is the final result of many efforts

Enter into the focused pit of well
Work towards the pie of focus

Check the pit before jumping into the well
Prevent unnecessary pie from being produced

Prevent mind block
Reduce the stress level

Pit of
Environment and Space to pour Time and thought

Pie of
Enthusiastic Energy of Efforts

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 3 May 2017

“Put in time and effort” are the words I need to take action on. However, there is a sudden inspiration to find its acronym. Thus PIT and PIE birth out. I liken PIT into a well and space. Because I realise that I need the space and environment to focus on the work I need to do. Environment plays a huge role on my focus. Thus I put many efforts at home, the potential and abilities that God blesses me can’t flourish. PIE I’d liken to a pie where many ingredients are mixed together to produce a pie. Thus playing the different alphabets from PIT and PIE can be a tremendous and interesting result. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Crossroad of Choices

At the crossroad of choices
Surrounded by mountains of career paths
Weighing the beginning and destination
Time to make decisions
Make frantic effort to adjust time
Energy tank signaling rapid depletion
Realizing distraction through humans
Asking the Lord for help through human guidance and discipline
Seeking His intervention

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Inspiration On: Friday, 28 April 2017

The piles of work I have been doing seems daunting. Countless attempt to stand up. Loneliness sets in. I have been pouring out to God for someone whom I can discuss with. The budget I come out with is over-budget. I feel so powerless. Doing work slow me down. I feel so thankful to God to do part-time work as a teacher. The Lord knows that I am learning to manage myself and have issue to manage the students. He knows my fear of being bullied. Today I ask my lead instructor how to sound firm. He feels that I should know when I sound firm. Oh, I feel so speechless. I can feel that my energy depletes rapidly. Is it due to me learning to manage 40 students in an hour? Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Girls’ Invisible Autism

Internalized feelings
Silence with unfamiliar people
Attraction towards pets
Being lost in own world
Termed as being shy

In silence
Overwhelmed with sensory overload
Anxiety and fear deep inside
Masking with expressionless face
Pouring out my hearts to Jesus
Seeking to overcome own challenges
Observing and smile to babies and pets

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Inspiration On: Saturday, 22 April 2017 at 8:11am

I divulge my autism issue with friends whom I feel comfortable with. My struggle is in communication. Socializing with strangers is not a problem. It depends on whom I feel comfortable to talk to. My friends label me as being introvert and shy. Am I shy? That’s my question.

I do not understand myself. Seeking to have self-understanding. Last year, the autism diagnosis had tested me positive. It created mixed feelings – fearful, upset, relief. “Why You Cannot See My Daughter’s Autism?” news help me to have a better understanding of myself.