Pain Awakes

Awake from pain
Awake through pain
Awake in pain

To see a person’s true colours
To separate the truth from lies
To realize own mistakes

Admit own mistakes
Only to be treated as scapegoat
Others throw their mistakes onto me

Letting others control over my life
Let them go by walking away
Enable me to be in control of own emotions

Speaking up to assert myself
Speaking up to create own boundary
Speaking up to stand up for others

Living in continuum pain
Seeking God’s healing
Live to please my Lord

Inspiration On: Monday, 28 April 2014 at 4:50am
Revised On: Monday, 30 January 2017 at 9:30pm

Everyday’s pain in dealing with people births out this poetry. I learn to realise of my own weaknesses and to stand up for my family and myself. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Movie Seat

Body moves
Left and right
Intentionally slip his butt
Sitting up and down

Seat going up
Leaning with back
Slip!
Falls onto his knees


Inspiration On: Thursday, 20 March 2014 at 4:30pm
Edited On: Monday, 30 January 2017 at 7:14pm

I was bringing my son to watch movie “Mr. Peabody & Sherman”. He had a hard time sitting quietly. In the end, he he moved his body around and stood up. My maid attempted to let him sit but to no avail. Thus he had a fall from the chair. Everybody laughed at him. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Discern Own Style

You need to be discerning
The books you read is others’ perspectives
Good to read and learn
You still need to discern own style

Returning myself into
Younger days
A new better person
Than my younger days

Stronger observation skills
Sharpening my mind and hands
Sensitivity levels escalates and deepens
Being appreciative every single things in life

Being myself in Jesus
Into the person He wants me to be
Through the way He makes me
Comfortable with myself


Inspiration On: Thursday, 6 May 2016

I am calling the company’s customer. Suddenly, the supervisor from the account payable department comes to my desk about the data entry in SAP. I get a shock. After the call, I immediately go to her desk. SAP data entry shows my name about the wrong data entry done by my close friend. So I explain that I have the data entry access but my friend uses it to do data entry. When she uses mine then I use hers. I clarify that I don’t have accounting background so mostly I do update customer, clearing account and viewing invoices part. She seems surprised. I’ll inform my friend after her meeting. Thank God her meeting has ended so I inform her that the account department looks for her regards to data entry. My friend approaches her and owns her doings. I begin to understand another quiet lady colleague’s difficult position. A colleague ever said that she is fierce. However, I see her gentle, soft-spoken and full of smiles.

The animation teacher confirms on the things I learn by myself alone (observations and books), at art school, own style, and even in current storyboard class. He even explains to me to be more discerning of own style.

After the storyboard class, I walk with two classmates and the classmate whom I have a first bad impression but now better. He asks me whether I get scholarships. I answer directly no however there is a lecturer who writes a testimony for me to apply scholarship. Though I don’t get it however I have tried. Then he shares that he is going to study in Japan Osaka and work part-time. That’s good for him. I just don’t understand his soft expression towards me now. His expression and even my classmates expressions are so memorable. I feel so thankful to God and the lecturer to help me return to younger days yet much better self.

What is God doing? Is He blessing me through the school founder who funds me for current animation job? Can see from different perspectives. He is being kind towards me. A way to secure future job in his studio. I feel so grateful.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Care in Drawing

Care what I draw
Know the characters well
Be the character

Tell the stories through my drawing
Acting through my fingers
Brings clarity in the drawing


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 4 May 2016

The animator who is the teacher explains exactly what I am going through. Because the things I do and go through can’t be expressed in words. Now, I can express it better in words.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Correct Perception Yet Emphatic

Sarcastic tone and remark
Sparks fire inside
Word of God pours cold water into the sparks
Perceive such classmate difficult to work

One week later
The classmate reveals
True reason
One bad experience
True colours

For art sake
He chooses to forsake relationship
Chooses not to drag down
Those whom he cares

One unpaid freelance experience
Stop him from pursuing his passionate job
His sketches style is good and strong
Correct perception yet emphatic

Realising own
Style being too soft
Soft towards others too
Learning to protect boundaries yet can help


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 4 May 2016

A classmate whom I have a bad impression of being sarcastic to me. Furthermore, I feel pissed off towards him for saying relationship doesn’t matter. On the way to the train, he reveals that he choose not to be attached so that he doesn’t dragged whom he cares down. Because he wants to do art. Even if he ends as a roadsweeper, he doesn’t bring them down. Upon revealing he is not paid as a freelancer, I feel pity for him. I never expect my perception of him had happened because I feel he is not easy to work with. He looks surprised upon knowing my studies in animation at a well known art school through another classmate and freelance experience in cartooning.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Is It A Hope?

Autism test day is nearing
My good friend airs out her grievances let me
Decide to leave or convert to permanent
My heart is prepared to tender resignation
Would a company accept an autistic?

Wishing to do my best as unto my Lord
Share to my friend about certain issue in job
Realising my friend and I are different
She is fast and strong
The Lord blesses me a different strength

Speak to a colleague
Not to assume
Share my experiences in IT and Arts
Clarify I understand each part little bit
Prefers creative job

Show a contact photo
Pointing a creative department
A surprise
Labeled being a good person
Promises to ask for me


Inspiration On: Thursday, 28 April 2016

Thank God and thankful for CMF to mean well in her guidance how to speak to customers who refuses to pay. After lunch, we are waiting for the traffic light to turn green. Her unhappy tone, “You can choose to leave or convert to permanent staff” hurts me. The more I choose to leave earlier. Maybe my cell members are right. It’s hard for good friends to work together. Her words linger in my mind. Do I say anything wrong with a colleague yesterday? I talk to her like talking with a friend. Just now, during the lunch I unknowingly talk with a colleague’s supervisor. She means that next time I shouldn’t talk about the communication workshop in the company. She is a manager and doesn’t have time to go for such event. That hurts and make me cry too. I know she means well. Impossible for her to feel unhappy that I talk with other colleague like a friend. My heart is prepared to resign the job especially with the autism test result.

I print an invoice to post. Suddenly, my colleague asks me how to put the logo into the invoice. I don’t know. I walk towards the man and let him see the printed invoice. Then I explain it is generated from the accounting system. I’m stunned with an alien TID word. Next my colleague walks towards his table and I follow him. He opens his computer and login into the accounting system. He points to the SAP menu. Then he explains that TID refers to SAP menu. I clarify that I don’t have accounting background. I enter into the company because CMF refers and I need a stable job. My experience is in IT and arts. However, I know those areas little bit. I still prefer Creative job. Then he opens the contacts page and show the photo of the man in the Creative department. He’ll ask for me and I thank him to do so. Heavenly Father, thank you for today’s conversation with a colleague. He shows the photo of the person in charge of the Creative department. Then he says he’ll ask for me about the job opportunity in the Creative department. If this is from You, please open the door into the Creative department. In Jesus’ name I ask and pray. Amen.

Lord, where are You going to place me?

Wish you all have good days and thank you.