Can the autistic declare that their limitations can also be their strengths? Let us read and watch Serena Dejesus testimony about her life.
A great news to the Christians. Draw near to God and God will draw near to us. I have been feeling His presence these days, weeks and even months.
Judge others harshly
Lack of understanding
Overlook own mistakes
Extremely self-forgiving
Finding fault on others
Searching for scapegoats
Seeking control on others’ lives
Protecting own interest
Extremely forgiving others’ mistakes easily
Full of empathy and understanding
No excuse with own mistakes
Admit own faults
Beware of being the scapegoat
Be sensitive to manipulative spirits
Protect others’ interest
Seek the Lord’s intervention to stop being controlled
Circumstances and situations
May cause
Both extremes switch places
Thus the cycle continues
Maintain self-care purpose
In order to
Care others require
Recognise the higher power
Omnipotent God sees
Seeking my Lord and Saviour
To be the person whom the Lord wants
Inspiration On: Tuesday, 14 September 2016
It has been months I have been feeling miserable. My cell leader has been highlighting to me repetitively to learn to self care so that I can care others. I begin realise that it is my mistakes to let others enter into my boundaries. I refuse to let my patterns to continue and ask God for wisdom. Wish you all have good days and thank you.
Assumes beforehand
Quick to judge
Quick to stereotype
Quick to finish up sentences
Quick to speak
Ear drums are filtered
Full of opinions
Overlook unexpected important heart-to-heart issues
Instantly jump into conclusions
Inspiration On: Monday, 5 September 2016
Suddenly, my ex-mentor attempts to help me. Then I begin to understand her good intention by trying to help me with her way. Then she admits her weaknesses for being judgmental. Then I admit my recent newfound strength is being a good listener. However, it can be my weaknesses as I share my cases. Wish you all have good days and thank you.
Unreadable
Unpredictable
Full of “why” questions
Questioning own motives
Aligning myself according to
The Word of God
Questioning own abilities
Learning to identify
Natural abilities and learned skills
That emerge and develop through time
How do people around me view my strengths?
What do they see in me?
Do they see Jesus’ strength in my weaknesses?
Inspiration On: Friday, 20 May 2016
The two days leadership workshop enable me to learn about myself and how my Lord Jesus works through me despite my weaknesses. Wish you all have good days and thank you.
Hard to see own strengths
Others see and point my strengths
Though I confess my own weaknesses
Feelings of unworthiness
Cloud my conscience
Magnified before my eyes
No deterrence to such feelings
Still willing to stand up and do my best
Obediently listen to the call of my life
Inspiration On: Thursday, 7 April 2016
A lot of reflections are going through in my heart and mind. Seeking to understand myself better and how my Lord Jesus strengthens me. Wish you all have good days and thank you.
Before I go out
Parents want to speak
My time is often disturbed
In a respectful tone in Christ’s strength
Speak out for the main point
Due to time issue
They understand and cooperate
Pointing their ways to prioritize family
Peace from Holy Spirit keep me still
Discernment enters
Knowing own weaknesses
Agree certain ways to prioritize
Overcommitment wearies the body
Rest are needed
To share God’s love to others
Own spirit glues to Lord Jesus
Dictating own soul and body
Body wearies and disrupt whole system
Now learning to say no
In order to reserve body energy
To live for Christ
Chronic migraine worsen lately
Pain throbs and tighten
Body cries in pain
Inspiration On: Wednesday, 16 March 2016
I want to bring my son out with me. But he complains stomachache. After he consumes medication, he farts and feel better. Dad and mum tells me not to bring him out. If anything happens, my husband will blame me. Therefore, I ask my son whether to bring him out. Quietly, he and I submit to my parents. His silence shows his understanding of my difficulty. Then they tell me to come home earlier. Before I go out, they tell me to sit down and listen to them. Dad says that he and mum are different but he never stops mum from going to temple and bring the children there too. Mum advises me to care the family first. However, he complains my mum to always go out. However, he forgets that he always went out during younger days. She voices out her assumptions on me. Not to be like my business mentor. That pisses me off. Don’t always go for church activities. That also pisses me off. I thank God to be quiet. Then I speak out that I meet people to ask for job opportunities. They and their assumptions. In fact, I should have listened to God and stop the courtship. It’s better to listen to God.
Wish you all have good days and thank you.
Chronic migraine tires me
Own mum often bring me for checkup
Being labeled with
Mental breakdown diagnosis
Problems find me
Seeking to solve it with own hands
Depending on God to bless me with
Wisdom and strength
Seeking to protect others
Entertaining vast people and piles of workload
Without realizing
Draining most energy
Sisters in Christ come
Telling me
“You spread yourself too thin”
“Focus point”
Overstretch my finances
Overstretch my time
Overstretch my mental strength
Prepared to face death
Pointing fingers claiming understand me
Increase my deep guilt
This cause me tired of living
Seeking the Lord to take me away
Jesus’ hands stretch out to me
Through others
Whenever I feel cornered
Pouring strength into my heart
Breaking into poetry becomes natural
Though writing is a challenge
Literature exams scare me
Another broken wall
Praise the Lord, O my soul
Thus far the Lord has helped me
Breaking forth into new songs
May Jesus be glorified through me
Inspiration On: Saturday, 12 March 2016
I enjoy the worship time and sermon time though I don’t like the closed light environment and the loud music. Lord, I love it with bright light. J dozes off again during sermon. Last week I just let her rest on my shoulder. It must be tiring for her. However, I remember Irene Leow asked her to wake up to listen to the sermon.
Today’s sermon is from Acts and how God spared Apostle Paul’s life from murder plot. It speaks to me how God preserves my life and deliver me from more harm. I never expect that I am still alive. I thought I’m going to die.
Wish you all have good days and thank you.
Sensing the presence of God
In my heart
Ease my heart and mind
His strength is upon me
Learning to find a matter out
Clear my assumptions
Inspiration On: Thursday, 14 January 2016
Today is the service module on the topic ‘Work in a Diverse Service Environment’ last session. I see God’s favour upon me through the trainer named LM who always remembers my small gesture to fix the sound problem. I approach the man about the graphic design job. I self-learn it myself. He highlighted I need to go for the course skill. Just now in the class, he revealed he is 65 years old, an Anglican Christian from certain part of India. He said that he didn’t go to church because he is always giving help to everyone. He does it for free solely to help. He can’t accept money to return his help. Or else it is likened to business transactions. In the class, he just teaches how to breathe appropriately with nose to relieve stress. I thank the Lord to find favour through LM and he shares my self-assessment publicly in my expectation from him. I feel embarrassed. JG my classmate to explain the partnership with LM to use my animation in his slides. Good idea. I clarify with IM. He has another company to earn income. However, he just opens this nonprofit solely to offer help. He uses the money from his money making company to inject money into this nonprofit company. This nonprofit company is solely for helping those who wants to hone their skills. He works closely with the government and the school. And he needs to reach minimally 500 people. He pays more than $40 per person to attend this expensive and valuable course.
Wish you all have good days and thank you.
I want Jesus
Loving Him by loving others
Giving myself too much
Completely drained
Only to realize
Refusing to follow my dad’s footsteps
End myself in his footsteps
Who is deprived of his potential
Repetitively saying
Never hurt his mother
Willingly give me away to my childless uncle
Who chooses my four years elder sister
Thus she blames our
Unwilling mother to gave her away
Instead of finding the truth
Refusing to follow my mum’s footsteps
End myself in her footsteps
Who stands on her feet
Protecting her children from emotional abuse
Being rejected as my dad’s wife
Unwillingly submit to my dad to
Either gave my sister or me away
My mother in law
My husband
Hurls humiliation
Accusations towards
My parents
My good intentions
Taking my soft heart for granted
With her crocodile tears
My dad’s good intention to rebuke my husband
Pointing the main problem in his
Mother’s psychological mindsets
Highlight the importance to
Guide own mum from wrong paths
Even sowing seeds of discords
Between my parents and I
Found it by finding the truth
Between my son and I
Found it through his words
That she is afraid to come here
Afraid my dad will call police to catch her
Why does she has to say such words to a kid?!
Why does she has such presumptions?!
Enough is enough
Enough is enough
Lord, I feel so drained
Being pushed away and head knocks onto bedside
Shows his lack of self-restraint
I need to protect my boundary in Christ’s strength
Only want His will in my life
Inspiration On: Monday, 30 November 2015
I feel so worse for not being able to understand other people’s simple English message. After many repetitions of explaining the same words, then I begin to understand the message. Why is it like this? During my single days, I feel much happier and my English comprehension is better. Now, my understanding level slows down. I feel so upset. Until I tell mum that dad isn’t totally correct. He feels reading books are useless. In fact, it helps my inspiration. What’s wrong with me reading books? In fact, I do too much and repeat the same mistakes. Reading books can inspire and help me to solve in the things I do. When I tell mum about my slow comprehension, my brother comes out trying to help. Then he asks whether I need them to help me to understand the message or just for me to share. I answer to share out my frustrations.
Deep inside I feel exhausted due to loving my parents too much and want to protect them and make them happy. So when dad mentioned that girls no need to study high. Girls just need to get married. Does he ever bother to care about my thoughts? All he can is to put me down. What is wrong to do creative work? Is it because he can’t get the mechanical job thus he put his opinion onto me? Most likely. Finally, I blurt out my findings one year ago. The reason wives are abused due to their parents quickly marry them off. Many parents don’t see the importance to let their grown up daughters to gain financial independence.
Deep down in my core, I feel so dampened and helpless for not being able to protect my parents financially, to let them suffer humiliation with me and lesser times with my five years son.
Wish you all have good days and thank you.
Whole body loses strength
Brain dozes off
Stuck
In Between
Dream and reality
Unable to rise my body
Locked in the dream state
A last message remained in the dream
Once the whole message is
Conveyed
Consciousness regains
Eyes open wide
No strength and energy to move body
Awaiting time to regain strength
Living in between dream and reality
Dream or spiritual realm?
Reality or physical realm?
Living in between spiritual and physical world
Inspiration On: Saturday, 1 November 2015 at 5:30pm
While I sit on the sofa awaiting for my son going to shower, my brain doze off. My heart pumps harder. Body loses strength and eyes can’t open. I hears voices from the reality. My son calls me to sleep on bed. A postman. At the same time, I am in the dream. The house is calmly dark. I go to the kitchen where my husband talks to me. He says that he is flying to his hometown in November. I keep quiet. Only to wake up with body and hands losing strength. Migraine relapse worsens. Heart pumps faster. I feel there is a discrepancy between the month my husband goes to Sabah. The air ticket he booked is in December. Is it a death message? Normally, I don’t take nap. Wish you all have good days and thank you.
Yoshiko 