Extreme Opposing Patterns

Judge others harshly
Lack of understanding
Overlook own mistakes
Extremely self-forgiving
Finding fault on others
Searching for scapegoats
Seeking control on others’ lives
Protecting own interest

Extremely forgiving others’ mistakes easily
Full of empathy and understanding
No excuse with own mistakes
Admit own faults
Beware of being the scapegoat
Be sensitive to manipulative spirits
Protect others’ interest
Seek the Lord’s intervention to stop being controlled

Circumstances and situations
May cause
Both extremes switch places
Thus the cycle continues

Maintain self-care purpose
In order to
Care others require
Recognise the higher power
Omnipotent God sees
Seeking my Lord and Saviour
To be the person whom the Lord wants


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 14 September 2016

It has been months I have been feeling miserable. My cell leader has been highlighting to me repetitively to learn to self care so that I can care others. I begin realise that it is my mistakes to let others enter into my boundaries. I refuse to let my patterns to continue and ask God for wisdom. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Judgmental / Poor Listeners

Assumes beforehand
Quick to judge
Quick to stereotype
Quick to finish up sentences
Quick to speak
Ear drums are filtered
Full of opinions
Overlook unexpected important heart-to-heart issues
Instantly jump into conclusions


Inspiration On: Monday, 5 September 2016

Suddenly, my ex-mentor attempts to help me. Then I begin to understand her good intention by trying to help me with her way. Then she admits her weaknesses for being judgmental. Then I admit my recent newfound strength is being a good listener. However, it can be my weaknesses as I share my cases. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Emerging and Development

Unreadable
Unpredictable
Full of “why” questions
Questioning own motives

Aligning myself according to
The Word of God
Questioning own abilities

Learning to identify
Natural abilities and learned skills
That emerge and develop through time

How do people around me view my strengths?
What do they see in me?
Do they see Jesus’ strength in my weaknesses?


Inspiration On: Friday, 20 May 2016

The two days leadership workshop enable me to learn about myself and how my Lord Jesus works through me despite my weaknesses. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Better Self-Understanding

Hard to see own strengths
Others see and point my strengths
Though I confess my own weaknesses

Feelings of unworthiness
Cloud my conscience
Magnified before my eyes

No deterrence to such feelings
Still willing to stand up and do my best
Obediently listen to the call of my life


Inspiration On: Thursday, 7 April 2016

A lot of reflections are going through in my heart and mind. Seeking to understand myself better and how my Lord Jesus strengthens me. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Peace and Prioritization

Before I go out
Parents want to speak
My time is often disturbed

In a respectful tone in Christ’s strength
Speak out for the main point
Due to time issue

They understand and cooperate
Pointing their ways to prioritize family
Peace from Holy Spirit keep me still

Discernment enters
Knowing own weaknesses
Agree certain ways to prioritize

Overcommitment wearies the body
Rest are needed
To share God’s love to others

Own spirit glues to Lord Jesus
Dictating own soul and body
Body wearies and disrupt whole system

Now learning to say no
In order to reserve body energy
To live for Christ

Chronic migraine worsen lately
Pain throbs and tighten
Body cries in pain


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 16 March 2016

I want to bring my son out with me. But he complains stomachache. After he consumes medication, he farts and feel better. Dad and mum tells me not to bring him out. If anything happens, my husband will blame me. Therefore, I ask my son whether to bring him out. Quietly, he and I submit to my parents. His silence shows his understanding of my difficulty. Then they tell me to come home earlier. Before I go out, they tell me to sit down and listen to them. Dad says that he and mum are different but he never stops mum from going to temple and bring the children there too. Mum advises me to care the family first. However, he complains my mum to always go out. However, he forgets that he always went out during younger days. She voices out her assumptions on me. Not to be like my business mentor. That pisses me off. Don’t always go for church activities. That also pisses me off. I thank God to be quiet. Then I speak out that I meet people to ask for job opportunities. They and their assumptions. In fact, I should have listened to God and stop the courtship. It’s better to listen to God.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Overstretch My Limits

Chronic migraine tires me
Own mum often bring me for checkup
Being labeled with
Mental breakdown diagnosis

Problems find me
Seeking to solve it with own hands
Depending on God to bless me with
Wisdom and strength

Seeking to protect others
Entertaining vast people and piles of workload
Without realizing
Draining most energy

Sisters in Christ come
Telling me
“You spread yourself too thin”
“Focus point”

Overstretch my finances
Overstretch my time
Overstretch my mental strength
Prepared to face death

Pointing fingers claiming understand me
Increase my deep guilt
This cause me tired of living
Seeking the Lord to take me away

Jesus’ hands stretch out to me
Through others
Whenever I feel cornered
Pouring strength into my heart

Breaking into poetry becomes natural
Though writing is a challenge
Literature exams scare me
Another broken wall

Praise the Lord, O my soul
Thus far the Lord has helped me
Breaking forth into new songs
May Jesus be glorified through me


Inspiration On: Saturday, 12 March 2016

I enjoy the worship time and sermon time though I don’t like the closed light environment and the loud music. Lord, I love it with bright light. J dozes off again during sermon. Last week I just let her rest on my shoulder. It must be tiring for her. However, I remember Irene Leow asked her to wake up to listen to the sermon.

Today’s sermon is from Acts and how God spared Apostle Paul’s life from murder plot. It speaks to me how God preserves my life and deliver me from more harm. I never expect that I am still alive. I thought I’m going to die.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.