Keep Me In The Dark About Myself

Behind closed doors
Parents and siblings
Discuss my mental condition worsen
Knowing my parents keep a secret

Keep me in a dark about myself is pointless
Prevent me from being hurt
Cause me more hurts

Keep me in a dark about myself is pointless
Someone points autism in me
Cause me more hurts

Choose to keep quiet
Refuses to worry my family
Struggling alone
Crying alone
My heart cry to the Lord

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Inspiration On: Saturday, 28 November 2015

I just don’t understand God. All I think is to fulfill my vow to the Lord with my own $5000. Strange to be given part time job and office space. Yes. I make mistakes in my part time job for missing out some part of the instructions. Glad for my boss to tell me not to do anything except preparing the sales order and ask Chris for inventory clarification. It’s bad to to be under depression. Now I begin to understand those who are under depression.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Clock& Time

Sign in to do part-time work
Turning my head around
Looking at the employer’s clock
Looking at my watch
Conclude to write according to
The employer’s time
i
n
t
o
The timesheet

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 21 November 2014 at 8:51am

When I reach the office to do part-time work, my watch shows it is 8:35am. However, it shows 8:45am. I feel that I need to respect my employer’s time. It is good to have a good relationship rather than having dispute with my supervisor. There is a slight difference between everyone’s clocks. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Left Out

In a state of chaos
In a state of confusion
In a state of pain
In the family
I am left out of the family
Lacking financial resources
Weak in social and communication skills

Outside events baffle me
A lady becomes my business partner
Another lady shows her bank account about investment

The business partner
Seems fierce yet compassionate
Teaches me
Communication skills
Social skills
Guides me in diets
Brings out and shares her food

The other lady
Speaks well of others
Cares about my retirement funds
Inviting me to learn investment
Expecting zero knowledge from me
She baffles me to
Show her bank account

Life is so strange
What is God doing in my life?
In a state of shock
I am speechless
Should I trust the investment lady?

O Lord
Please tell me
Please guide me
Lead me
You are the One I trust

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 17 September 2015 at 10:35am

I let my mother in law to influence my husband. Most of the tasks are thrown onto me. When I handle it correctly, there is no appreciation. When I was too overwhelmed with too many tasks and make mistakes, he finds faults with me and criticizes a lot. Later on, he cuts my supplementary credit card and takes over the groceries purchases. Therefore, I feel that I am running around working on the business idea with lady. I wish you all have good days and thank you.

Domesticated Wild Life

Preserve Conserve Protect
To prevent
Annihilation

Trapped within limited space
Enclosed in the zoo
Awaiting as an exhibit

Feeling entrapped
Without
Worry of food

Freedom is lost
Exploring and enjoying
The wild life

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Inspiration On: Saturday, 25 April 2015 at 1:45pm

During my visit to the zoo with my family, I observe the animals that are brink to extinction. They are like exhibitions and I can feel the feelings of entrapment. Even I do not like the feeling of being trapped. This poetry is based on my observation and own experience of being trapped. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Crying Autistic

Living in denial
Hating my existence
Unable to accept
The truth and fact
Deep inside me

Autism is the
Label given to me
Coming from my family members
Many time I deny it
Only to surrender and learn to
Embrace autism in my life

Knowing the angst of my pain
But I choose to smile to others
Showing the brighter side of my true self
Wishing to cheers the broken-hearted
Yet others tend to
Break my heart
And
Take advantage
Of my kindness
Only to land myself
Vulnerable
Miserable
Feeling the awful pangs of hurt
From all the
Pre-judgements

When my world is closing
You come into my life with your own agenda
Soothing words to uplift me
Then you hurt me four times
Pushing me forward three step backs
Then pull me backward four step backs
Why are you playing with my innocence?!
Why are you entering into my world?
Giving me FALSE hopes
Only to DASH it!
Enough of your mental game!
Stop!
My Lord sees it and warns me of your cunningness
To PREVENT me from further hurt!
This IS the FENCE of my BOUNDARIES!

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 21 April 2015 at 12am

These are the summary of my experiences birthed in poetry. I thank my Lord and Saviour for the right words to SHOUT it out. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Lonely Life

Loneliness residing inside
Despair in life
Living in this lonely world
Though I seek to understand others

Full of ravaging wolves
Preying on my caring hearts
Wounding it to the core

Lacking understanding hearts
Produce deflectors
Causing

One feet forward yet half feet backward
Towards my destination
Confusions are battling within

Now
Wishing to be invisible
Resting from many labours

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 17 March 2015 at 4:45pm

My many mistakes hurt my heart. It is the mistake to care others yet others do not seek to understand me. Though some nice people encourage me to move forward, some even deters me from moving forward. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Sudden Change

Land on the sofa
Suddenly television programme
Change
Something hard is . . .
Under
My buttock?

Sink my hand to
Take it out.
Oh!
Oh!
It is
The remote control

A good lesson
Beware of
Unscrupulous
Dangerous
Objects

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Inspiration On: Wednesday, 16 April 2014 at 12:45pm to 12:55pm

Without observing, I instantly sit on the sofa with my son. So this event births out poetry. Wish you all have good days.

Technology Advancement

The rise of technology
People move lesser
The rise of machine era
The increase of sickness

Technology improvements
Machines replace manual work
Manual works are replaced by machines
Escalating unemployment
More staring at the computer monitor
Spectacle populations and generations are escalating
Increase of malware, spyware, virus, Trojan horse, phising, identity
theft and even credit card fraud

Life’s comfort increases
More dependence in machines
More reliance upon computer
More lazy people
Isolation increases
More psychotic generation

Robotic era
Do humans turn to slaves?
Or robot is the slave?
Who and which will be master and slave?

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Inspiration On: Thursday, 3 October 2013 at 12:30am
Inspiration Ends On: Saturday, 5 October 2013 at 11:52pm

Upon pondering of computers replace the tedious manual photo processing work, staring at the computers does increase spectacle population. Mostly, those who do manual labour don’t wear spectacle.

Heartache

Gripped with emotions
Mind goes blank
Crippled with a strong waves of hurts
Waves of hurting words
Envelops and squeeze my heart
Heart aches
Tears drip uncontrollably
Hiding in a corner
Hurting my integrity

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Inspiration On: Tuesday, 24 September 3013 at 10:02am to 10:08am
Based On: Monday, 23 September 2013 between 10pm to 11:30pm

Arguments occurred between my brother and mother then she with me regarding air ticket printing for my cousin. My mothers’ relatives often take her for granted. Whenever there is problem, she is always asked for help. But they didn’t look for her when there is no problem. I have been wondering why do people take my family for granted? My brother is pissed off. Every time the ticket printing is passed to me last minute. It didn’t mean my printer always have ink. My dad intercepted our arguments. Even shoot remarks that we would leave them alone when they reach old age. That hurts me a lot because I have set in my heart to take care of my parents till death do us part. No matter what arguments, my decision to care them is final. My heart and mind hurts a lot for my dad’s words who is stoistic of his own opinion and presumption.

Switching off the light, but switch on the night light preventing my son from seeing my cry and kissed him goodnight. My husband had slept. In the middle of the night, my mother opened my room door and comforted me to just brush dad’s words aside. After back home from work and shower, I felt sleepy. But after the quarrel, I couldn’t sleep until 2am midnight and crying to my Lord and Saviour.

Springboard

A rubbery board
Waiting for hopper
To hop and bounces up
Giving hopper fun and enjoyment
But only to a certain extent

Avoiding exerting too much force
Exert more force
The more the hopper bounces
But the hopper may hit the ceiling
Or the hopper may landed with accident

Beware of the
Springboard
Use cautiously

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Inspiration On: Saturday, 17 august 2013 at 1:21am
Inspiration Ends On: Thursday, 19 September 2013 at 1:02am

The idea of springboard came whenever I remembered the scene in Pingu animation where he jumps on the springboard.