Keep Me In The Dark About Myself

Behind closed doors
Parents and siblings
Discuss my mental condition worsen
Knowing my parents keep a secret

Keep me in a dark about myself is pointless
Prevent me from being hurt
Cause me more hurts

Keep me in a dark about myself is pointless
Someone points autism in me
Cause me more hurts

Choose to keep quiet
Refuses to worry my family
Struggling alone
Crying alone
My heart cry to the Lord


Inspiration On: Saturday, 28 November 2015

I just don’t understand God. All I think is to fulfill my vow to the Lord with my own $5000. Strange to be given part time job and office space. Yes. I make mistakes in my part time job for missing out some part of the instructions. Glad for my boss to tell me not to do anything except preparing the sales order and ask Chris for inventory clarification. It’s bad to to be under depression. Now I begin to understand those who are under depression.

Wish you all have good days and thank you.

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Clock& Time

Sign in to do part-time work
Turning my head around
Looking at the employer’s clock
Looking at my watch
Conclude to write according to
The employer’s time
i
n
t
o
The timesheet


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 21 November 2014 at 8:51am

When I reach the office to do part-time work, my watch shows it is 8:35am. However, it shows 8:45am. I feel that I need to respect my employer’s time. It is good to have a good relationship rather than having dispute with my supervisor. There is a slight difference between everyone’s clocks. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Left Out

In a state of chaos
In a state of confusion
In a state of pain
In the family
I am left out of the family
Lacking financial resources
Weak in social and communication skills

Outside events baffle me
A lady becomes my business partner
Another lady shows her bank account about investment

The business partner
Seems fierce yet compassionate
Teaches me
Communication skills
Social skills
Guides me in diets
Brings out and shares her food

The other lady
Speaks well of others
Cares about my retirement funds
Inviting me to learn investment
Expecting zero knowledge from me
She baffles me to
Show her bank account

Life is so strange
What is God doing in my life?
In a state of shock
I am speechless
Should I trust the investment lady?

O Lord
Please tell me
Please guide me
Lead me
You are the One I trust


Inspiration On: Thursday, 17 September 2015 at 10:35am

I let my mother in law to influence my husband. Most of the tasks are thrown onto me. When I handle it correctly, there is no appreciation. When I was too overwhelmed with too many tasks and make mistakes, he finds faults with me and criticizes a lot. Later on, he cuts my supplementary credit card and takes over the groceries purchases. Therefore, I feel that I am running around working on the business idea with lady. I wish you all have good days and thank you.

Domesticated Wild Life

Preserve Conserve Protect
To prevent
Annihilation

Trapped within limited space
Enclosed in the zoo
Awaiting as an exhibit

Feeling entrapped
Without
Worry of food

Freedom is lost
Exploring and enjoying
The wild life


Inspiration On: Saturday, 25 April 2015 at 1:45pm

During my visit to the zoo with my family, I observe the animals that are brink to extinction. They are like exhibitions and I can feel the feelings of entrapment. Even I do not like the feeling of being trapped. This poetry is based on my observation and own experience of being trapped. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Crying Autistic

Living in denial
Hating my existence
Unable to accept
The truth and fact
Deep inside me

Autism is the
Label given to me
Coming from my family members
Many time I deny it
Only to surrender and learn to
Embrace autism in my life

Knowing the angst of my pain
But I choose to smile to others
Showing the brighter side of my true self
Wishing to cheers the broken-hearted
Yet others tend to
Break my heart
And
Take advantage
Of my kindness
Only to land myself
Vulnerable
Miserable
Feeling the awful pangs of hurt
From all the
Pre-judgements

When my world is closing
You come into my life with your own agenda
Soothing words to uplift me
Then you hurt me four times
Pushing me forward three step backs
Then pull me backward four step backs
Why are you playing with my innocence?!
Why are you entering into my world?
Giving me FALSE hopes
Only to DASH it!
Enough of your mental game!
Stop!
My Lord sees it and warns me of your cunningness
To PREVENT me from further hurt!
This IS the FENCE of my BOUNDARIES!


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 21 April 2015 at 12am

These are the summary of my experiences birthed in poetry. I thank my Lord and Saviour for the right words to SHOUT it out. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Lonely Life

Loneliness residing inside
Despair in life
Living in this lonely world
Though I seek to understand others

Full of ravaging wolves
Preying on my caring hearts
Wounding it to the core

Lacking understanding hearts
Produce deflectors
Causing

One feet forward yet half feet backward
Towards my destination
Confusions are battling within

Now
Wishing to be invisible
Resting from many labours


Inspiration On: Tuesday, 17 March 2015 at 4:45pm

My many mistakes hurt my heart. It is the mistake to care others yet others do not seek to understand me. Though some nice people encourage me to move forward, some even deters me from moving forward. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Sudden Change

Land on the sofa
Suddenly television programme
Change
Something hard is . . .
Under
My buttock?

Sink my hand to
Take it out.
Oh!
Oh!
It is
The remote control

A good lesson
Beware of
Unscrupulous
Dangerous
Objects


Inspiration On: Wednesday, 16 April 2014 at 12:45pm to 12:55pm

Without observing, I instantly sit on the sofa with my son. So this event births out poetry. Wish you all have good days.