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Crying Autistic

Free Verse, Poetry 34 Comments

Living in denial
Hating my existence
Unable to accept
The truth and fact
Deep inside me

Autism is the
Label given to me
Coming from my family members
Many time I deny it
Only to surrender and learn to
Embrace autism in my life

Knowing the angst of my pain
But I choose to smile to others
Showing the brighter side of my true self
Wishing to cheers the broken-hearted
Yet others tend to
Break my heart
And
Take advantage
Of my kindness
Only to land myself
Vulnerable
Miserable
Feeling the awful pangs of hurt
From all the
Pre-judgements

When my world is closing
You come into my life with your own agenda
Soothing words to uplift me
Then you hurt me four times
Pushing me forward three step backs
Then pull me backward four step backs
Why are you playing with my innocence?!
Why are you entering into my world?
Giving me FALSE hopes
Only to DASH it!
Enough of your mental game!
Stop!
My Lord sees it and warns me of your cunningness
To PREVENT me from further hurt!
This IS the FENCE of my BOUNDARIES!

Inspiration On: Tuesday, 21 April 2015 at 12am

These are the summary of my experiences birthed in poetry. I thank my Lord and Saviour for the right words to SHOUT it out. Wish you all have good days and thank you.

Train Track Line

Haiku, Poetry 5 Comments

Being in his dad’s carry
Outstretch his body to hug me closely
We swiftly carefully leaving lift

A cute sweet baby boy
Hugging me wishing warmth from my hug
Reminiscing infanthood in my embrace

His dad holds him strongly
He clings onto my neck grappling strongly
Looking like train track line

Inspiration On: Monday, 29 July 2013 at 10:43pm
Inspiration Ends On: Tuesday, 30 July 2013 at 12:05am

This event occurred while we returned home from a nearby mall for a walk.

Spinning

Free Verse, Poetry Leave a comment

Suddenly the world seems spinning
Spinning to the point of
My body lose its balance
Balance of stand still
Balance to walk
Then I realize
My head is spinning
My mind immediately goes blank
Quickly, I held the table in front of me
Closing my eyes

A few seconds later
Everything returns to normal

Inspiration On: Wednesday, 7 March 2012 at 3pm plus
Revised On: Thursday, 8 March, 2012 at 10:55pm

The first sentence came when I felt giddy at the food court. All I can do is to quickly find something to hold on to. Thank God for the wisdom what to do. So I immediately take sweet according to what my mother ever told me what I should do if there is a sudden dizzy.

Deep Buried Feelings

Free Verse, Poetry 4 Comments

Deep buried feelings were kept somewhere.
Painful memories were left unidentified for ten years.
Not ten years, more than that.
Unknowingly, it was planted since young.
It was sowed seed by seed.

Motivation of study is from external source.
Motivation of study only comes from mother.
No inner motivation to do so.
No sense of purpose in life.
No compass to guide me.
Only my parents are my compass.

We followed mother to her chosen destination to give us good future.
We lived in an uncle’s house due to lack of finance.
With my own eyes, I saw my mother being bullied.
I wish to stand strong, but I’m weak.
I’m standing at the corner.
I feel lost.
Angry with my self!
Why am I so slow?
Why am I a weakling?
Leave me alone.
I just wish to be quiet.

A slight headache.
Someone came to my rescue.
It is like a Light enters my heart.
There is a sense of purpose.
I need to stand strong.
I can’t!
But in the Light I can.

A door is closed.
But He opens a window.
A window opens my mind to marriage.

With just a few words through written message,
My past deep feelings were dug out.
No, I think I found out now.
Now I found out what it is.
Found out the root cause to fear of marriage.
It is the very seed that takes root in my heart since young.
It shaped my thinking.
It also shaped my heart.

Expressed on: Friday, 07 November 2008.